Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor to see if she could check a lump in my vagina. She pushed the lump and asked, "Does this make you want to use the bathroom for a number 2?" I said yes. Turns out, it’s hard poop pushing against my intestines and the outside vagina wall. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, I went to hospital for a potential stomach bug. According to a CT scan, I also found out that I have uterine fibroids as well. Yay for being a woman. FML
Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML
Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
Today, I felt so awful in my belly, I went to a massage therapist for help. She, like me, thought it was the stress of some recent family issues. It was more than that. Her kneading of my gut indeed relieved me by helping me have a HUGE go. One scream and a four foot turd later, I realized I'd been constipated. No longer. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML
Today, after nerve pain and trouble sitting down, I found a lump in my ass crack. My doctor thought might be a tumour or cancer, so I was sent for scans. Apparently my whole life I’ve had an ingrown vestigial tail at the bottom of my spine hidden under the skin. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
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Top comments
satanistxxangel 8
Fmls like these need a wtf button
DrafteeSelf 24
Constipated ******?
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Comments (36)
kirbo2 21
Good thing it wasn't cancer
DrafteeSelf 24
Constipated ******?
Steffi 26
Constipation can push into the walls of the ******, creating a bump.
mfmylifesrsly 30
I've actually had a similar experience. I didn't think it was cancer, though. It was when I was 14 and start exploring my body and felt a bump, I pushed on it and immediately knew what it was since I felt the pressure in my colon lol. Be glad it wasn't cancer, OP!
KrDizzy 16
My mom had one. Took 3 days to get me out.
SpankyRaven 31
The rectovaginal septum (or fascia of Otto) is the thin tissue (fascia) between the bowel and the ******. It's quite easy to feel if a woman is constipated while doing a vaginal examination, it feels lumpy and bumpy. Many many years ago some doctors would do a rectal examination to check dilation during labour, particularly if the baby's head was in an odd presentation. The tissue is so thin that they could feel the cervix through the bowel wall. Thankfully they no longer do that. There is another thing I was going to mention, but I've probably told you more than you wanted to know anyway.
PhoenixChick 26
Well, I know I found that fascinating. I was wondering how this worked. I'm kinda embarrassed how little I know about the human body.
DLBL 23
Not having cancer is a good thing. I can't believe I have to tell you this.
satanistxxangel 8
Fmls like these need a wtf button
KrDizzy 16
Not really. The two areas are right next to each other. It makes sense, actually.
quailpower 2
People that are confused, someone with weak pelvic muscles and or severe constipation can get a lump in their ****** where the stool presses into the ******.
soodytheboi 23
Well, shit happens. Not there, though... Or it shouldn't, anyway...
coolvictori 22
Better constipation than cancer
TheLostCauseFML 40
So confused.
RichardPencil 32
I thought that was called an Alaska Pipeline or an Alabama Hot Pocket. I guess I shouldn't use Urban Dictionary as my source of medical knowledge.
why57why 21
Alaskan pipeline is when you shit in a condom put it in the freezer and then use it as a *****.
sw2f2fchik612 12
Do people...do people do that?
RichardPencil 32
I'm skeptical, too. I think a lot of things on Urban Dictionary are just pranks pulled on them. Has anyone really given or received a blumpkin?
Jaelkus 28
Watch dead snow.
quailpower 2
Or space docking? LMFAO
Nerd14 9
I feel like this isn't a FML, if anything it's a LML (Love my life). You found out that you don't have cancer, a little constipation is hardly anything at that point in my opinion. Drink some prune juice and keep it moving OP, lol.
gigiskye 20
Ew just ew
ColCyclone 17
it's hard to tell if you're being honest, since you're so full of shit