Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML
Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML
Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML
Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML
Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML
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Top comments
mclauren29 22
Well love glove, it looks like it's time for some pay back.
mattb77 9
I guess this way the safety's always on....
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Comments (96)
mclauren29 22
Well love glove, it looks like it's time for some pay back.
paperroll880 16
Their time will come too ;)
incoherentrmblr 22
As the saying goes, no glove, no love. Looks like you've got a lot of live to give...
ForwardUn2Dawn 18
There are worse things to happen at boot camp. My advice, pick the meanest, blackest guy there and challenge him in doublestick if you lose then then respect is earned, if you win then respect is earned. Good luck brother.
doctorhook86 25
#60: You've never been in the military, have you?
pdp_fml 21
That moniker might not be so bad. I would like to have it.
reich6842 5
no one ******* cares
lifeofpie25 16
hey love glove :)
EvilPandaxD 24
Payback is best served cold! Do something when they least expect it!
mattb77 9
I guess this way the safety's always on....
madridista14 8
The good thing is that OP got the needed protection
Schizomaniac 24
Yo dawg I heard you like safety so I put some protection on yo protection so you can protect yo'self while you protect yo'self.
JJ_86 22
You will be protected when the gun shoots it's load now.
MichaelDeSanta 20
You know what they say, if you get into heat, package your meat.
lucyy123 14
Laugh with them! It's better than being grouchy.
llamaslikesoda 21
"Haha! You got me a condom on my rifle!! Thank you so much, haha!"
supermoony 11
HAHAHA! my roommates are bastards! HAHAHA
warsun 27
"Thought it would be funny" yeah that's in quite a lot of fmls
cakefete2 31
That or "what's the worst that could happen".
Edumcg 24
That and "I was so drunk..."
Nyarlothatep 12
You got made fun of? Quit bitching, I was lucky to make a phone call.
Schizomaniac 24
If you don't like people bitching you've come to the wrong place my friend.
CrikOgresmasher 19
yeah, but at least his bitching made me laugh, unlike you. Take your pity party somewhere else cause you're not finding it here
usmc4lyf 2
Lol he gets a phone, his pals get condoms and the only have to carry a rifle for a week. Wow sounds like a summer camp. Has to be some army or Air Force bullshit
Dgarcia2014 13
No, he has to wear the condom on any rifle issued him for a week...not carry an issued rifle for a week....but the phone part doesn't make sense. :P
TheElBurrrito 21
#17, he never he was carrying his rifle for only a week. He was saying that for the next week any rifle he had was to have a condom on it. No need to be a douchebag by down talking his choice to serve in any part of the military.
usmc4lyf 2
Still he gets a phone, and internet access. I was lucky to get time to even write a letter home. And he's crying cause his friends played a prank. Wahh
ShittingHicks 4
21 you're whining like a spanked bitch, calm down dude it's just the internet. Everyone I've seen on the internet with "USMC" in their name have always been such pathetic douchebags, you're not helping the cause bro.
Schizomaniac 24
The format of FML forces posters to construct the story in present tense. This likely happened a while back and the OP is just now posting about it. The condoms could have been brought from home and as others have pointed out, it doesn't say OP has to only carry a rifle for a week, just that the condom has to be put on the rifle for a week. Next time, on How It's Made...
usmc4lyf 2
Your on here backing I but talking shit on Him in other comments. Lol way to go
usmc4lyf 2
That's funny you assume cause it's Usmc I'm a guy.
brand125 17
#32 - no one cares?
laden_swallow09 35
22- NAWWW, ya think? I've got news for you, cupcake, you're not going to defeat an enemy with a weapon by being nice and catering to his feelings. It's what Marines are trained to do: utterly destroy the opposition. That includes crushing the soul in addition to breaking their bodies. Thicken your own skin and get the hell over it.
hulopro 16
You forgot one thing, we're not the enemy. we are just people on the internet. So there is no reason to be so hostile.
cjmedic 12
21: He most likely posted about the event AFTER the fact. Everyone still has to go without phones for training. Also, side note, he's probably either Marine or Navy. Army and Air Force don't say "boot camp".
presealynn 2
I love how most people who are telling OP to quit bitching are from the US, when it clearly says this FML is from Canada. Did it ever occur to any of you military hard-asses that their system is different than yours?