Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, I wanted my son to take a break from his comic books and be more active, so I converted our big backyard into a home-sized football field, hoping this would motivate him to finally get into sports. While I had him running drills, I heard him grumble, "This is why mom left you." FML
Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML
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Top comments
crudeandrudeguy 29
He can't just go buy a convertible like every other midlife douche bag??
CaptainSmith28 19
Go long!
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Comments (31)
CaptainSmith28 19
Go long!
crudeandrudeguy 29
He can't just go buy a convertible like every other midlife douche bag??
Fredrick010 9
this FML needs a follow up. He should try to be the football coach at his school. That's the closest he'll get.
cocacola999 27
Is your dad Al Bundy?
Le_ponderer 14
Seems you need to help him find a hobby. Something that'd give him purpose,make him feel strong and relevant. The store'll probably make him pay for any damaged good though; so be ready for him to be even more morose.
dave__609 10
don't start WINE-ing about it. Cause their fruits? no. ok
OlRed 28
But seriously he shouldn't wine that much about it. At least he has a dad who's willing to play with him like that. Yeah it's a little embarrassing but I would say op is more so lucky.
Jonkbaby 23
I feel like in FML, a thumbs-down is worth more than a thumbs-up? So a thumbs-up is what you get
chocoladisco 1
I would find this a hilarious experience and perfect bonding.
toolazytotype99 18
Was he a quarterback?
miriamsegalll 5
Lol we've all been there
ThrottleJockey 36
Is his name Rico and have an old conversion van? He can throw a football over mountains and he could've taken State.
whysojealous 18
For a second I thought he was referring to soccer, so I was confused on why he was pelting OP with fruits and veg