The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

On Target, almost

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 06:00

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 925

You deserved it 191

By khlonnae - 22/10/2017 01:30 - United States - Dayton

Today, while hanging out with my boyfriend, I started getting ready for bed. As I grabbed my face wipes, he said, “Wait, don't take off your makeup because then you'll be ugly.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 344

You deserved it 571

By problems - 27/07/2016 06:43 - Thailand - Phuket

Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Baht. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 986

You deserved it 1 956

Office Space 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Jesstanothergurl - 18/07/2016 19:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 678

You deserved it 899

By Need To Bathe In Deodorant - 17/07/2016 19:23 - United Kingdom - Egham

Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 889

You deserved it 1 077

By terribob1 - 08/07/2016 14:52

Today, I was terminated from my job. This comes after I sent HR an email about an inappropriate relationship between my manager and a counselor. Seems like I should have kept my mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 564

You deserved it 4 522

By ugh - 04/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 463

You deserved it 1 130

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 19:29 - United States - Greeley

Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 180

You deserved it 1 615

One step forward, two steps back.

By MJF - 24/01/2018 15:00

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 422

You deserved it 246

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 538

You deserved it 870

Understandable

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 3 271

Whatcha doin'?

By ImilkedYourMom - 03/05/2016 13:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 612

You deserved it 2 152

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 99

By John Brown - 24/07/2018 15:00

Today, my roommate told me that I have to find a new place to live because I make his new girlfriend uncomfortable. I just had surgery and am bedridden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 741

You deserved it 189

By damn it dad! - 08/08/2018 06:00 - Philippines - Paranaque

Today, the creepy guy at school that won't take "no" for an answer came over with his parents to talk about marriage. My dad knows about this creep and said he'd cast them out, but things didn't turn out as I hoped. Apparently, part of the dowry is a Ferrari. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 283

You deserved it 214

By you+me-clothes=53>< - 19/11/2013 17:13 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 123

You deserved it 9 066

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 15:00

Today, UPS delivered my kinky sex toys to my ex-husband. Apparently the delivery went wrong so they sent it to the last known address. He called to say he got my "package" and I had to go pick it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 235

You deserved it 642

By disappointmentafter4years - 12/04/2016 19:31 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after 4 years of staring each other down at the bar, we both finally made a move and ended up at his apartment. After 45 mins of unsuccessfully getting anywhere, I left, to walk home in a hail storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 361

You deserved it 3 753

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 21:01 - United States - East Orange

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 505

You deserved it 5 548

By Shotacon - 07/04/2016 03:06 - United States - Woodbury

Today, while using the leg press at the gym, some guy thought he could use more weight than me since I look really young. He hurt himself. He then blamed me and tried to get me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 161

You deserved it 1 318

By nobody - 27/08/2018 22:00 - Ireland

Today, while I was talking to my boss, he got a call from "babe". The number that was calling him was my girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 155

By Brad - 07/09/2018 18:30

Today, I was on a 3-way call with my wife and the bank. The bank said we didn't qualify for school loans, which means I have to drop out. As soon as the bank hung up, my wife stayed on the line to tell me she wants a divorce and that she regrets our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 882

You deserved it 224

Romance me please

By trembelwick - 03/12/2011 10:04 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 835

You deserved it 6 081

Nice to know

By Sarah - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk-texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 217

You deserved it 1 807

By Jamie - 11/11/2018 12:00 - United States

Today, to get back at me for our recent breakup, my ex put a "9/11 was an inside job!" bumper sticker on my car. I work for the government in New York City, and I just got a text saying that my manager wants to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 460

You deserved it 286

By AV - 30/01/2016 10:30 - Bulgaria - Tsaratsovo

Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 114

You deserved it 6 049

By Louis - 15/11/2018 12:00 - South Africa

Today, I decided to be healthy and drink a tall glass of water whilst doing my assignment that is due in three days. I managed to spill the entire glass over my laptop. I flipped it over and used a hairdryer to dry it off. While doing that, I managed to melt my keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 3 004

By Alisha-_- - 23/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that the love of my life had been pleasuring himself to pictures of my ex-boyfriends. Yes, he's bisexual. He says it's ok because I'm dating him now. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 269

You deserved it 454

By 221bcompanion - 18/01/2016 05:18 - United States - Massillon

Today, I put more effort into getting and keeping my Sims onto a good sleep schedule in order to properly take care of their needs than I did for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 746

You deserved it 7 706

Who is this?

By CharlieKearney - 10/01/2016 23:33 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, the guy I made out with on New Year's Eve finally called me. Too bad it was to blame me for the picture of us which someone had sent to his girlfriend. I never took a picture, and had no idea he was in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 247

You deserved it 1 935

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Embarrassing Transportation Cars Awkward Work Miscellaneous Drunk Alcohol Gross Weird Music Annoying NSFW Porn Intimacy Parenting Babysitter Kids Suspicious Health Phobias Geek Neighbours Dreams Family Animals Landlords Sex Anxiety Stressed out

The Top

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 563

You deserved it 720

Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 782

You deserved it 645

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 294

You deserved it 815

Today, being my usual clumsy self, I slipped on the stairs and landed on my tailbone. Hard. Now, I can't even sit up. I have to drive to school and sit on a very hard plastic chair for four and a half hours tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 157

Today, I woke up and went down to my apartment's underground garage/laundry area to do my laundry and noticed my family's car in the back of the lot, as far away from the garage door as can be, had been broken into. The other, more expensive cars around the garage were untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 150

Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. I was genuinely surprised—and also genuinely hungover from celebrating my birthday alone the night before because they'd all told me they were busy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 133