Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of begging my boyfriend of almost two years to have sex with me, he told me to find someone else to fuck. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML
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Top comments
redmnky21 8
wow... how old are you... sounds like your way to young for sex
mookie24 2
How old is this guy? You shouldn't have to persuade anybody to have sex
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Comments (290)
redmnky21 8
wow... how old are you... sounds like your way to young for sex
boating_guy 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
what the hell are y'all in little middle school? but they even gave us sex Ed then...
Incogneterpeter 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
For 1 what does have to do with this just because he talks about he penis doesn't mean it's sexual and for 2 how does what he said make him sound young
amandajlucas2015 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
And how did that work out for u? Lol
Incogneterpeter 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow ignore my last post I clicked the wrong post and didn't notice till after I said that....
urdirtyolduncle 15
Like a VIRGIN
EvilDave 13
@63: Seeing as the boyfriend doesn't even know the basic mechanics of sex, which are taught in middle school, I think asking about age is a very valid question.
hubla 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sex Ed may be taught in junior high but it's not a required course herp derp
BRLHP 24
84, the person who wrote that also posted to ignore it.
onlychildFTW 34
Lots of parent won't let their kids go to school on the days of sex ed. My friend was one of them. Over protective parent syndrome can be bad for future bedroom "endeavors," haha.
MurphyS94 4
1- I disagree. As far as sex ed classes go, it's pretty cut-and-paste from the text book (ie "penis+******=sex"). They don't tell you anything about the specifics and just because OP didn't do it exactly right, it doesn't mean he's too young. From the FML, it sounds as though he is just inexperienced, considering OP had to 'coax' him into having sex. Anyways, that's just my ten cents...
ScotsLassie 6
#1 if he went to a catholic school he may not have got any sex ed, I never at my school. It really doesn't have anything to do with age. She shouldn't have pressured him cause it sounds like he wasn't ready for it. I'm guessing from his actions that they probably haven't played about so maybe they should have started there first.
Xxlaurahatakexx 9
I don't think little kids would know such big words. Just sayin. And also she seems to see te obvious stupidity in her mans ways
SarcasticUnicorn 9
In my catholic school they taught us sex ed in eighth grade.
toooldforthis 19
My first thought was 40 year old virgin
dcg1375 7
Possibly inexperienced, but maybe after 18 months of "coaxing" he was too nervous to perform. Especially if it was their first time together. If it had organically happened then there probably wouldn't have been any issues.
den603 0
I'm not saying I'm in middle school(which I am) but they dont teach about sex at my school in science they just say everyone knows right then says how babies our made then some people came and taught us that sex is pleasurable but u will die if you do it and condoms don't work
Cat_Daniels 6
WHAT THE ****? #180 you school is weird. When I was in middle school were VERY informed!
hotscar 3
180, that is such bullshit. Thats propaganda to try to keep you from having sex... Possibly from a Catholic organization... By the way, I'm Catholic, so don't say I'm trying to bash Catholics
guckylynn 19
Pretty sure 180 is trolling.
JRockk 2
None of my schools have even offered sex ed... I'm sure all 4 of those schools aren't the only ones.
ShortNotice113 5
Doesn't matter had sex!
analisemarie 12
Oh god. I had to thumb 180 up. Not sure if serious or trollin, but the entire dying thing reminded me of if you have sex you'll get pregnant & die thing. Which reminded me of the XML where their single abstinence pushing teacher got pregnant. ^.^
eragon2262 6
My middle school did not have sex Ed, and my high school barely had a pathetic offshoot of sex ed. I didn't have it, but i still did fine.
kodyrsswanson 6
Pics or it didn't happen
Ameel_fml 19
I think it depends on what school you go to. My school went into pretty explicit detail in sex-ed classes and taught us A LOT about sex, safe sex, different types of birth control, menstruation, birth, etc. But my friend went to a Catholic school that only taught abstinence. My friend didn't even know what a condom looked like until she was about 18 or 19. If a guy tried to stick a flaccid penis into her, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't know they were doing it wrong!
DiscoRanger 0
I forward this notion. @ #129
Teh_dw33bin4tor 2
Or he could just be gay. That's a very fair assumption to make too
SamanthaB243 22
Omg mean girls? Don't have sex cause you will get an STD and die....
ksams5020 1
#1- you're the one with an animated picture as your default .. Just saying
capslockisgood 19
92 You don't choose classes in middle school.
beaglegal 42
*you're *too. It sounds like you're too young for this website....
keyofdestiny13 24
After reading some of these replies, I'm kind of curious... Am I the only one who never had a sex ed course in school? I graduated high school two months ago, and I've always gone to public schools.
Konarika 11
Your grammar makes you sound like you're way too young to be on the Internet, and yet... here you are.
mookie24 2
How old is this guy? You shouldn't have to persuade anybody to have sex
GoingCommando93 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Correction: You shouldn't have to persuade any guy to have sex. Girls get what they want.
jizzwold 21
I don't mean this to be insulting but is it possible that he is actually gay? Another idea; maybe he just doesn't find op attractive which could understandably ruin their relationship. Or she just pushed him into something he didn't want. We need more information to solve these questions.
writergirl69 0
It's not that she shouldn't *have to* persuade him to have sex, just in general you should not try to coerce people into having sex.
inarsla 8
He could be an Asexual.... in the relationship for the romantic component, but did not want sex
cheaptrix 6
Well we know he's at least 18 months old..
22cute 17
Really, but if you did the persuading you should take charge of the seduction and foreplay. You can't really expect him to know what to do.
DrDilllonReese 12
Isn't that how everybody does it?!
micahsmommy 13
Apparently I've been doing it all wrong. Is that why I got pregnant?
BBoxall 0
Lolololol
AdriTheCutie 0
either you finger the girl so that she's wet or u put lub. or else it's hella painful.!
KnFML 5
Yeah only virgins
notsorandomguy 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This would be a sticky situation, but it was probably dry in this particular case (cue thumb downs for the shitty pun in 3... 2.... 1....)
Torva_fml 16
I didn't even wait for the countdown to thumb you down! :D
notsorandomguy 18
I would edit the comment to "cue thumb downs [...] in 0", but it's too late.
shannonreneee 11
If you knew it was a shitty pun an you'd get thumbed down they why would you say it?
cr3ativity 15
Because its punny
murdersquirrel 15
29- He was expecting this: "No way, that was the best and most original pun I've ever heard!! I would never thumb down something so brilliant and not at all overused! You're so clever!" Fishing for approval. Smh.
notsorandomguy 18
36 - Wrong. I have been on FML long enough and I have seen enough "shitty/sticky/whatever-y situation" comments to know it would be thumbed down. Now, I'd let you all have a debate for hours about whether I'm stupid or intelligent (no doubt the answer would be I'm stupid), how stupid I am exactly and why I wrote this comment, but no. I just wrote this comment because it was punny and just for the sake of it. Oh, and thank you for making a baseless assumption. Glad to see FMLers changed. SMH.
murdersquirrel 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I skimmed that, too long. I judged based merely on the comment. Nowhere did I question your intelligence. Except, if you knew it wasn't going to be funny, why post it and add that you knew it wasn't going to be funny? Relax, dude.
Classlfied 4
Such dry humor...
KunoKanashimi 3
47- now you just made yourself look really stupid. Can't even read something that is actually pretty short.
ninjadinos 14
Ahh, but I thumbed it down with love. :)
godisnowhere41 5
I'm surprised to see this comment was too long for you yet your previous responses on this fml have been equal if not longer than his.
jaystreet46 4
Damn squirrel, getting the hate on this one!
Birdie_Sage 0
May your comment rest in peace...
MrBoredomioo 18
Don't even try, bro :)
addie19 6
Should have been a year of teaching, not coaxing.
Torva_fml 16
I don't even..... Just... What the ****...? In the presence of ******, my penis is far from flaccid, is this only me?
meridius4510 4
No, it's not.
iamyummylicious 14
My penis inverts when it sees a ******. ****** be scurry D:
Nightwing98 22
Nope, definitely not just you.
Tweekz14 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Not to sound retarded but what's flaccid?
hhart90207 0
Even your mothers?
LoveMay 10
83 - Flaccid: soft, limp, or lacking firmness As in he is not arroused and does not have a boner.
KiddNYC1O 22
83- Flaccid is the opposite of how girls want to see it.
millie1267 4
Ever heard of google..?
angrymexican 8
124 I don't think that's something you want to google...
form434 5
Dude!... Means not hard.
jtthegr8 26
I'm totally the same...usually...
DiscoRanger 0
You play/played Runescape. I can tell by your name.
alissaa16 0
It's a non-hard penis, regular state..
daftPunKt 4
Dont pressure little boys into having sex, then maybe you wouldn't have this problem
kamikrazy 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Penis + ****** = straight Flaccid penis + ****** = gay
Torva_fml 16
Flaccid penis=not arroused. **** you for insinuating someone being gay. :)
notsorandomguy 18
1. You're a girl 2. You're an immature stupid 10 year old who doesn't understabd that the stress of having sex for the first time, either in absolute or with one particular girlfriend, can cause you to be unable to have an erection. In the first case, you can maybe be excused. In the second case, GTFO of FML. Feel free to pick either :)
notsorandomguy 18
Oh, and that was for 9. 11's comment had not yet appeared when I was typing my comment. Apologies for any offense caused by my lack of precision.
Llamacod 11
So, according to the following equation: penis + ****** = straightFlaccid penis + ****** = gay this penis + ****** = gay. I always thought that penis + ****** was the definition of hetero. Your math = retarded.
fredstarrz 8
Should had eaten the pussy first
Michaelsgirl04 9
Or..you know...waited until he was actually ready.
1crabbygirl 10
I can had pussy eaten?
DocBastard 40
Maybe this means, oh I don't know, that HE ISN'T READY FOR SEX? Why the **** would you try to coax him into doing something that he obviously doesn't want to do? If the situation were reversed and he were trying to get you to have sex with him even though you didn't want to, how do you think THAT would go? I think the FML community would call him an asshole and have his head on a stake for pressuring a girl into having sex. Therefore, YOU'RE the asshole, and I call for your head on a stake.
notsorandomguy 18
I call for her head on a barbecue. But that's just me, I doubt there are many other psychos here.
Torva_fml 16
I'll bring the steak, you can do whatever you want with her head. Oh, a wooden stake? Not steak? Hmm...
murdersquirrel 15
Thank you! Just cause OP is a girl doesn't mean pressuring for sex is acceptable.
disturbed678 10
I'll take the head, no questions asked...
spikedrummer49 6
Well said!
FlashBurn 13
Thumbs up to you doc! I was actually surprised that more people didn't flame you. Screw the double standards, it should be the same both ways! I shouldn't talk though, I'm 26 and still saving it for marriage. The right woman just hasn't come along yet
Palirose 22
Agreed, she should learn a lot of patience.
twisted_cherub 14
Agreed, Doc. This is the equivalent to a guy saying, "Today, my girlfriend finally agreed to have sex with me after a year of badgering her about it. When we were about to, she started crying and ran to the bathroom. FML" Nobody would be saying that girl was a lesbian and they'd be tearing fictitious OP a new one.
IAm1AwesomeChick 7
I agree doc. I don't know why so many people are calling him gay. He obviously just was not ready
Luckyman22 5
Keep it up Doc! Always enjoy reading you posts.
Sparklegirl216 0
Oh they have been dating for a while. It's not that he wasn't ready, he's just not experienced. Don't threaten to do bad things with her head now:p