Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML
Today, I went to visit my grandparents, as my grandmother may not have long left. When my stepfather wasn't grilling my visibly uncomfortable grandad about Bible passages, my mother was trauma-dumping about how hard her life has been, and how awful her marriage to my father was. They're his parents. FML
Today, I listened to my grandma monologue about how if my uncle was born first, my mother (and consequently, I) would not exist. I then got to listen to her rant about what a terror he was. Let's just say I learned and heard some things I'd rather have not known. FML
Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML
Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML
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Top comments
OysterPearls 33
Good on you for visiting her anyway OP, its nice that you took time out to see her even with all of her prejudices and such.
achoo123 13
I'm sure she appreciated your presence, since no one else see her.
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Comments (73)
achoo123 13
I'm sure she appreciated your presence, since no one else see her.
Replyka 17
And now we know why.
karacakal2 30
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Is your grandma Donald Trump by any chance?
daniel271 13
That's disrespectful to his grandma
MrSassypants 34
But to be honest, Donald Trump looks like a grandma. Y'know? The ones trying to be hip but end up being worse than a regular grandma.
Adeptus_Astartes 22
Donald Trump 2016. He will take our illegals and PUSH them somewhere else.
shinikageWolf 15
He's too lazy to do manual labor. He'll just try to hire Mexicans to push other Mexicans back to Mexico. Even if they are South American or any kind of Cuban or Latino, because to him they're all Mexican.
OysterPearls 33
Good on you for visiting her anyway OP, its nice that you took time out to see her even with all of her prejudices and such.
Swandive235 27
Technically we're all foreigners, unless you are of Native American decent.
ChadHelton 8
op is a good man. (woman? ) "you're a good man, Charlie Brown"
chriss2015 13
If you really want to be technical its believed that native Americans came from Asia. So really no one owns any land.
youngmessi252525 20
My grandma lectures me about interracial marriage every time i see her, my parents are interracial married
I_Like_Dogs 28
Mine bashes me for not wanting to have children every time we see one. Grannys are crazy.
meliodafool_ 15
My cousins and I are all mixed, but our complexions vary so much. heads turn when we get out of a car.
MandieL 27
I agree 20, they are crazy. I had my first child almost 6 weeks ago and my grandma has been asking me when I'm having another one since week 3. And it's by her first great grandchild either, she's her 10th.
RedPillSucks 33
damn, you've got 4 generations and your granny is still bugging?
ChadHelton 8
they'll tell you getting a dog "is too much responsibility! " then turn around and bitch about not having kiss
superjewguy 19
elderly people have the best stories lol
dezman2000 21
It's awesome that you visit her anyways though OP! Even if she had some.... Discriminating views xD
Lalala579121 28
At least she still recognized you, apparently.
Ethan_Anonymous 28
I bet you learned why people don't visit her
mds9986 24
She's senile. What did you expect, exactly? Good on you for giving her somebody to talk to.
burberryrox 4
Sadly, that sounds like my grandma. That generation just grew up with racist parents so we shouldnt blame them to much. Plus our kids will grow up with a bunch of weed smoking parents haha which is still better then being called racists.
ididntdoitiswear 14
But just because they were raised racist doesn't mean they can't change their opinions. She could have grown up that way, but she's grown now and can probably grasp the concept that no race is better then the other.
bandaidstations 28
I agree with you. My own grandmother is exactly like this. Most people her age I've met have the same attitude, and usually women are the nastiest of all. People don't like to change opinions, even if they're proven wrong...age doesn't matter. My grandma is never going to stop being a racist hypocrite because she feels like the world has turned for the worse. She uses this as justification for how horrible she is to people. While I know plenty of open minded elderly people, stereotypes exist for a reason... they're predominantly true.