Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML
Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
Today, my husband actually helped put our 4 year-old to bed because I was watching my nephews, who were about to be picked up. When I was sitting with my nephews in the living room, he yelled for me to help with our daughter. I said I couldn’t and he told me to shut up. I put her to bed every other night. FML
Today, as a prank, I told my husband I was going to sleep alone in the spare room, just to see his panicked reaction. Not only did he not panic, he agreed straight away, then an hour later announced he was going to bed a whole three hours earlier than normal. I can hear him in there, watching TV, eating snacks. FML
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, after a very poor night's sleep, I've had to stay awake and do housework while my husband, who slept like a baby last night, keeps on sleeping because he "didn't sleep well." He was snoring all night long, the reason I didn't sleep well. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML
Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML
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Top comments
Spencer Cookson 4
Next time they ask you when dinner is just snore and pretend to be asleep
AmbrosiaFan 19
He's a piss poor example of a father... Did you tell toddler to cut out the act and pick up toys before you throw them out?
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Comments (10)
Mooglefox 24
Kids do learn very fast
Srom_fml 14
Well you know what they say... the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Spencer Cookson 4
Next time they ask you when dinner is just snore and pretend to be asleep
AmbrosiaFan 19
He's a piss poor example of a father... Did you tell toddler to cut out the act and pick up toys before you throw them out?
AmbrosiaFan 19
As for the husband, I would enact the water gun... squirt him till he gets up to do something...
RichardPencil 32
I'm going to comment on this story ... zzz, zzz, zzz!
Ksweety_fml 27
lmmfao... this cracked me up!
alycion 39
If you did actually let your husband out of the chore, you sort of reinforced in your little sponge that it works. But still, it sucks when you can’t get a little help around the house. I like to do laundry strikes where I just wash my own clothes. When he’s out of clean work clothes or fishing clothes, he really gets everything in shape. I have him utterly confused with the stain removers and multiple detergents for things. He has no idea what to use, and he knows the wrong thing will destroy his clothes. I really should throw it out, but it’s my ammo to get things done.
blondie45 21
Monkey see, monkey do...
0neiros 14
Oh Yeah, ANYTHING for him, dinner, sex, conversation, fake snore and sleep. Do it til he's begging you to stop. As for Jr. a quick swat will put an end to that crap.