The Top

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Alexa, play "Another Day" by Paul McCartney

By Anonymous - 30/12/2021 11:01

Today, it's just another day where my dad sits in the same spot in the kitchen for 12-16 hours, only to very slowly sip on alcohol and nibble on food. If it’s his day off, that’s his excuse. If he got off work, then it’s also his excuse. Twenty odd years of this. How can someone spend their entire life sitting in one spot? FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 190

Reunited

By naladetet - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Newark

Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 065

You deserved it 4 486

By shoes - 02/01/2010 02:45 - United States

Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 734

You deserved it 3 950

Gender bending

By Recluse - 21/11/2014 18:18

Today, the girl I'd been dating online for 6 months told me she was a guy. I said it was alright, and that I was still in love. Then she confessed she really was a girl, and was just trying to make me dump her so she wouldn't be the "bad guy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 695

You deserved it 7 600

By Rachel8896 - 15/08/2013 11:28 - United States - Lakewood

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 116

You deserved it 3 425

By wonder woman - 08/09/2012 04:47 - United States - Levittown

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 078

You deserved it 3 665

By pillowless - 13/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 998

You deserved it 2 415

Horndog

By Anonymous - 31/03/2023 12:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, I left my student in charge of locking up because my wife was sending me risqué texts during a thunderstorm. When I got home, the windows broke and the living room got flooded. I then found out that my student didn't lock up properly and all my art got soaked. Everything got wet except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 260

By Beaky - 12/10/2011 05:09 - Canada

Today, I found out it takes no special training to put a large glass marble up my nostril but may require someone with a medical degree to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 111

You deserved it 50 062

Skittish

By bronzemedal97 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 100

You deserved it 3 323

Great expectations

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 08:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 419

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Anonymous - 04/01/2022 17:01 - United States - Miami

Today, I get as much time with the woman of my dreams as I do with my children: One day, every two weeks. She lives with me. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 193

I need it, I want it

By Asshole - 24/03/2026 20:00

Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment. He started coming on to me so I pushed him away and said, "No chance." He said "Well, I'm horny, so I'm gonna take care of it myself. Can you go home now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 662

By nodad - 11/10/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 073

You deserved it 2 349

Cat fight club

By anonymous - 14/12/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 570

You deserved it 6 303

By Dominic - 14/06/2009 19:14 - Canada

Today, as a prank, my friends put a big bucket of water on my door so that it would spill on me as I exited my room. It would have been funny if I hadn't been holding my $900 laptop as I was walking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 814

You deserved it 3 111

Drink it instead!

By SpitBreathe - 25/10/2020 14:00 - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I found out why the amount of mouthwash hasn't been decreasing much recently when I walked in on my dad using it and then spitting some of it back in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 81

By kenzieeeee - 30/12/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a blizzard. My mother never picked me up like she was supposed to, and wasn't answering her phone. After walking around for a half hour, freezing, I finally found her. Where was she? Sitting in Pizza Hut, having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 643

You deserved it 2 373

By anonymous - 02/09/2012 22:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 523

You deserved it 7 384

Chips

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt… into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 008

You deserved it 78 265

Judge Judy

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 20:01

Today, my mother refuses to acknowledge my girlfriend and refuses to accept the baby she is carrying as her real grandchild, all because my girlfriend has tattoos, which apparently makes her a "whore", so the baby could be from any other guy except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 186

Bye bye love

By stacyyvonne - 07/10/2011 02:53 - United States

Today, I finally found the courage to tell my drug addict husband that I'm leaving him. He sat in his chair, denying using drugs, ever. Right after he said this, he passed out and spilled hot coffee on himself. He then denied spilling the coffee. As I was leaving, he took all of my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 579

You deserved it 3 509

By RingRing - 11/12/2010 07:12 - United States

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 439

You deserved it 34 271

Get the message, my dude

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 08:02 - United States - Anchorage

Today, after telling my boyfriend of 8 years on Monday that I'm unhappy and don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, he said to me just now, "So, I’m thinking of proposing to you in December." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 223

By killme - 11/11/2014 17:43 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 973

You deserved it 7 146

Late results

By ohbutno - 08/02/2022 18:01

Today, I found out that not only did I get the best blowjob of my life on New Year's Eve, I also got gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 562

He got the hell out of there, became a new guy

By What is wrong with you - 06/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my husband was home past his usual departure time for work, so I pointedly asked if he would be late. He said he called out sick. I stared at him, wide-eyed in disbelief, as he said he "wanted to relax in the yard with a book." He's completely lost his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 734

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 21:36 - Sweden - Falun

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 746

You deserved it 7 337

By Anonymous - 04/10/2011 18:31 - United States

Today, I spent almost $200 on a planetarium show with my boyfriend, who loves astronomy. He said his favorite thing about it was that he could pick his nose without anyone noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 433

You deserved it 3 791

By prinzess - 09/12/2010 14:20 - Germany

Today, I said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago. Her response was, "Twenty years ago I had beautiful tits and many options, I wouldn't have even looked at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 273

You deserved it 5 923

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The Top

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 674

You deserved it 13 813

Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 837

You deserved it 5 698

He is not one with the force.

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 407

Today, I was working in the yard and took off my shirt. My neighbor yelled, "Nice tits!" I'm a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 476

Today, I found a USB stick my husband was hiding. I checked and it had hundreds of pictures of girls from porn sites and Instagram. That wasn’t the issue. Hidden in those pictures was a pic of his ex-girlfriend, with whom he has not been with past 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 285

Today, it was my birthday. My family usually gives me a financial gift, but didn't this time and said nothing about it. I cooked my own birthday dinner without help, then washed everyone's dishes. I got my own cake and ate it alone because they were too busy getting drunk. Nobody bothered to sing Happy Birthday either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 168