Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML
Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML
Today, despite my warnings and knowing I hate them, my wife got a trashy tattoo of an eye on her ankle, like she’s Count Olaf. How is she going to get a job with that thing? FML
Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML
Today, my girlfriend keeps asking me to get her name tattooed on my chest. At first I thought she wanted a romantic gesture, but now she asks me to do it so often, it’s starting to feel more like she wants to cattle brand me as my owner. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a "talk." So now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML
Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML
Today on my birthday, my wife thought it would be a good idea to get matching tattoos. Our tattoo artist happened to be her ex-boyfriend. I sat and listened to them talk about their relationship and how they should stay in touch. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I refused to get her name tattooed on my chest. FML
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Top comments
SLKBlack96 5
No more doggy style for you then
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Sounds ruff
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Comments (192)
SLKBlack96 5
No more doggy style for you then
biggestfan23 11
She's gonna have fun trying to find a reputable job
Feared 9
Not really. McDonald's is always hiring. And they have quite the reputation.
gc327072 31
Nah, I once saw a thing where a girl with a tattoo of an ejaculating penis on her chest got a job. But by and large, they are frowned upon.
CheeseTron 15
A truly effective argument.
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
I would just grow a hideous mullet to get back at her
LMFAOwned 9
64, that is just freaking nasty.
KaiserSD 8
I love it when stupidity becomes permanent. Your wife sounds awesome.
mduffy08 8
^Oh the irony of this idiot...
onlychildFTW 34
Why was it ironic?
XPredatorX 5
Define "they".... Tattoos of ejaculating penises? Or just tattoos in general?
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Sounds ruff
Feared 9
I hope OP's dog's name is Boner.
Pleonasm 36
Get her a collar; she likes it rough, as mentioned, and she has a penchant for doggy-styled things.
slick5880 22
That was a Bitch move on her part.
funky2525 14
Lol that's punny
perdix 31
Everyone loves ass-licking chihuahuas!
gc327072 31
Animals in general. All those perverted posts I've moderated.. O_0
ConBroChilll 9
22- it was posted in less than 48 hours... it made through moderation lol
GothicAngel17 24
114- what the **** are you trying to say?
gc327072 31
I'm not sure what he was trying to say either...
bayli 12
Could also be her lover's name. That's just coincidently the same as your dogs.
ant1078 7
That's a bitch
chellyX92 8
Because Mr. Wiggles is a common name among men.
dressedskeleton 10
4) ....just a little paranoid? :)
P374RD3D 9
You sure have an active imagination. When I say bagel, what's the first thing that pops into your head?
EMTchic 14
Or maybe that's not a coincidence at all
mrsquiggles6900 5
17. It's mr squiggles to you..
spaija 8
you can always put a bag over her head when ******* her ...
BeforeItWasCool 12
Yeah, if you want her to suffocate.
gc327072 31
" but she put a bag on my head..." "doesn't matter had seeeexxx!"
benmec 18
Don't forget to cut a hole out for the mouth!
CJ0106 1
Bag over her neck?
KiddNYC1O 22
Some people actually dig asphyxia during sexual encounters.
agonydrum 7
65 I don't think he was talking about a plastic bag.....and paper bags don't suffocate people
hotshot2626 9
Just buy her a scarf... bitches love scarves...
BeforeItWasCool 12
128- Paper bags don't suffocate people... Alrighty then. Anything obstructing airways has the potential to suffocate people.
AussieChild 22
She sounds very classy
chelseaaababyyy 17
You couldn't possibly tell me that didn't change your mind. That sounds like a great idea. I may get 'Buster' across my forehead, in honor of my dog.
supportcommand 17
Then people with think of busting nuts.
Axipiter 24
Buster!? I barely know 'er!
perdix 31
Get one on your penis that says "DIVE," but when she rubs it, it says "DIVORCE."
Enslaved 38
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
And when he rubs it-- to **********? Maybe he'll be turning Japanese and keep his eyes closed the entire time. -.-
crimsonlover4 31
Lol That was brilliant perdix :)
Enslaved 38
61, are you the same iiCaptain with the vanilla house and white dog"S"? :P
379_fml 11
BEST COMMENT I've ever seen. Lmfao
ant1078 7
Get her turtle necks for her birthday, valentines and Christmas!
lelandw7393 3
Why wait for holidays? Get her one for every day of the week!
evilplatypus 39
73 - Get her them as gifts on those holidays, not just to wear on the holidays.
Agordoni83 6
If its her first tattoo. Why the hell would you put it on your neck? The dogs name, not so bad. But on the neck? Really?
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Some neck tattoos are sexy don't be so judgmental
Agordoni83 6
I have nothing against neck tattoos. I have tattoos. I'm just saying for the first one also knowing her husband doesn't like them. At least put it somewhere it can be covered by clothing.
JoeRogansBEARD 15
I understand what you were saying now, my bad :)
gc327072 31
Be wary of getting foreign symbols, might be something else entirely, like that girl in Larry Crowne.
TheMathMajor 26
I was thinking about getting the math symbol for "there exists" behind my ear so I could cover it with my hair, but I don't know if it's worth it.
court_f 8
Britney Spears reportedly got a tattoo she thought said "mysterious" but actually meant "strange." lol
Welshite 40
#86: Right, the Moderators must be playing with comments again.
Axipiter 24
"Today, I got beaten up by a Japanese gang. Turns out my tattoo told them to go **** themselves, and that their fathers smelled of elderberries. I thought it meant 'sophisticated'. FML"
megmich 4
murder? really.
agonydrum 7
86 a little bit of fruedism there? Remember matricide is always wrong
monocyte 4
86- now imagine the tattooer also thought you said 'murder' :p not that 'mother' even in Japanese is all that better. If I saw the word mother tattooed on someone in my language, I'd be like daffak? I'm guessing a Japanese would be the same. Just my opinion.
tubz84 2
Do it, Maths for the win. If I was to get one I'd get Euler's identity on my forearm.
GothicAngel17 24
126- So you only read the comments up to that one before you replied? Genius, mate.
GothicAngel17 24
133- *Tattooist. Not tattooer. That's not even a word.
Ameel_fml 19
I remember one of my Japanese friends telling me that he always gets a good laugh at most Japanese kanji tattoos, because they are either completely wrong or look like they were written by a five year old who doesn't know what brush stroke order to write in. It's always a good idea to do research when getting a tattoo in a foreign language. And if possible, get it done by someone who actually speaks/writes the language so they know what it's supposed to look like.
zero91 4
she did it on her neck . not op's neck
AlwaysAndNever 5
Dogs name is just as stupid as the location. But across the neck, how lovely, right?