Today, I was assigned to a group of four to brainstorm ideas for a project. One by one they listed their ideas, but when it was my turn they skipped me. They suddenly started a casual conversation with each other, oblivious of my existence, while I sat quietly between them for an hour. FML
Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML
Today, while looking through a stack of possible pictures for Facebook, I found one I really liked, until I noticed that I have recently developed a bald patch. Problem? I am a 22 year old woman. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML
cheeraio92 tells us more.
this was my story. in response to some of your questions, i broke the window pane in a door. so i reached in and unlocked the door, letting myslef in. by the way, some of these comments are genious, i LOL'd
Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML
Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML
Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML
Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML
Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML
Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML
Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML
Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML
Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML
Today, I was excited because a friend had added me to a new Facebook chat consisting of my tight circle of friends from last year's summer camp. I then saw when the chat had been created. They kept me out of the chat for almost an entire year before deciding to add me. FML
Alaskalex_fml tells us more.
Hey, this is OP. The camp is in Washington, and it looked like all the people in the chat were the campers from Washington, so my guess is that they created the chat just for the Washingtonians and started to add in people as camp time drew closer. The reason why it hurts a little is that I've had a pretty rough year with depression- I switched schools and ended up having no friends for about half the year- and it would have been nice to be able to talk with them and get some support, even though they lived so far away. I haven't said anything about it and I won't, there's no point in making a big deal out of something so little. To #13- I did the same thing many a time in order to make myself feel better about being the youngest and not being able to do the things my older siblings did. #22- Lol, okay, whatever you say. You seem a lot more invested in this than I am. #44- Yes, we have summer camps in Alaska, though I was referring to one in Washington. Contrary to popular belief, there exists four seasons in Alaska, not just winter.
Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML
Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML
Today, the police finally recovered my stolen car. All it took was a shootout and two people dying. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to see why my walking pneumonia wasn't getting any better. It had. I've just somehow managed to also contract mono... while sitting home, alone. FML
Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML
Today, I went hiking at a park by my house with my camera to do some still life. On my way home I noticed some tree blossoms in someone's backyard and tried to take pictures of them over their fence. In minutes, I was approached and interrogated by cops because they thought I was a peeping tom. FML
Verbex tells us more.
Verbex 0
************************************************************************************************************** Just to make things a little a more clear since I couldn't in the FML: 1. I am not the 70+ year old man from the other FML, although I did laugh at the idea cause of the coincidence LOL 2. I was not leaning over the fence, the fence was my height. I was merely holding the branch with my hand to the right lighting for the image I wanted. 3. I agree, I could've asked permission, but since I was on the road side of the fence, and this fence was at the back of their house, I didn't feel like walking all the way back around the corner to find this house after hiking. For all I know, they probably weren't there. 4. The funniest thing is, they did ask to see my camera and the images, and then just acted like nothing happened. But they did scare the shit out of me because I had my iPod headphones in and didn't hear them approach me and call me from their vehicle. 5. Lastly, F*CK THE POLICE! No, I'm just kidding :P They had the right I guess, but man was that embarasing. **************************************************************************************************************
Today, I started an awesome job with competitive pay. I also found out that the place is closing its doors in June. FML
Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML
Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML
Today, I chatted to a nice guy and gave him my number. I told him I was going to sleep because I had a headache, and then put my phone on silent. He rang multiple times, and when I obviously didn't pick up, he sent several texts insulting me and calling me gutless for not responding. FML
Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML
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