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Double shift

By mook05 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of six months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 831

You deserved it 3 261

By Anonymous - 07/04/2013 04:07 - United States - Carrollton

Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 266

You deserved it 3 290

By Peach - 02/03/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 718

You deserved it 2 174

By popcorn - 27/04/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 809

You deserved it 53 305

By bubbles - 05/09/2009 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 706

You deserved it 41 118

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 19:47 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 383

You deserved it 3 032

Smokey look

By Phabia - 21/04/2015 00:16 - United States - Newton

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 995

You deserved it 2 345

By fuck me - 28/11/2013 19:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 058

You deserved it 3 674

By FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP - 01/11/2013 18:38 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 983

You deserved it 3 216

By Anonymous - 03/02/2015 19:03 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, somebody poured a cup of coffee down the back of my shirt. When I turned around, I saw a man who said, "You looked like my ex from behind!" and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 203

You deserved it 2 195

By Username - 27/01/2011 17:40 - Romania

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 143

You deserved it 5 715

Nice try, Mom

By Agirl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cerrito

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 591

You deserved it 2 917

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, I think my friends were trying to tell me something with all my Christmas gifts being mostly perfume, deodorant, and soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 649

You deserved it 30 550

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, after playing on the same basketball team for eight years with the same coach, he kicked me off the team to make room for my younger brother, who I taught to play basketball in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 751

You deserved it 4 287

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 00:46 - United States - Kerman

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 316

You deserved it 7 327

By jewelthewat - 19/09/2014 12:52 - Netherlands - Driebergen

Today, while on the bus, a friendly-looking guy smiled at me, so I smiled back. He then pointed at my teeth and said, "You gonna get those fixed, or just keep them as a conversation starter?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 509

You deserved it 4 152

jewelthewat tells us more.

jewelthewat 9

Saturday 20 September 2014 15:08

I was on a holiday to see my long distance boyfriend in the UK. We took a bus to go see a movie that evening, but a bunch of school kids had to take the bus too. Apparently this guy knew my boyfriend from when they both still attended the same high school and he thought he was funny. We had a really weird conversation, this guy and me, but apart from weird and a little rude, he was also quite friendly and funny. The remark about my teeth was a joke too. About my teeth, my upper jaw is a little too small so my canines are "on top" of my other teeth. It looks REALLY cool, but yeah, it's quite visible (especially when I smile, I look like a vampire). Thanks for all your comments guys, you're really sweet!

Freud smiled

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 02:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 478

You deserved it 4 096

Seeing is believing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 10:46 - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 454

You deserved it 39 524

Living the meme

By itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug - 14/05/2014 20:58 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 386

You deserved it 4 820

By Crappit - 06/10/2009 13:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 507

You deserved it 3 386

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 087

You deserved it 3 125

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 007

You deserved it 2 930

Peachy keen

By fuzzy - 23/09/2009 10:43 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 788

You deserved it 6 915

By London - 18/09/2009 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 191

You deserved it 3 416

By zheiraT - 22/05/2015 19:44 - United States - South Portland

Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 213

You deserved it 4 977

By SFBEL - 21/05/2015 03:56 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, after being a resident DJ at a local club for over 4 years, I got fired. Not because I'm bad at what I do, but because my boss thinks I'm not 'having fun like the other DJs'. And by 'having fun' he means that I don't drink enough. I got fired for not being an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 715

You deserved it 2 148

Xenu approves

By sonofanut - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 711

You deserved it 2 474

Kim

By madfather - 23/02/2009 01:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim, and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier, I realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go, "Don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 149

You deserved it 72 719

By :/ - 05/04/2015 00:44 - United States - Groton

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 478

You deserved it 11 165

By Cat Ashes - 05/12/2013 05:18 - United States - Dewitt

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 796

You deserved it 2 802

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The Top

The Top

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 984

You deserved it 4 268

Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 519

You deserved it 4 475

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 511

You deserved it 2 898

Today, we had to have our vet put our horse down. Afterwards we were discussing burial options. We then find the cat with a broken neck. Had to have her put down also. Now we have animal services questioning us for animal abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 008

You deserved it 3 868

Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 265

You deserved it 312

Today, I was working from home and accidentally turned my camera on when I joined a Zoom meeting, while not wearing pants. I had to pretend I was having technical difficulties to quickly put some on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 760