Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, I had to temporarily block my brother from calling me because every day for the last week or two he has called me just to yell, "THEY ARE EATING THE DOGS! THEY ARE EATING THE CATS!" before hanging up. He thinks it's hilarious. FML
Today, my 20-year-old sister is taking care of my cat while I am out of state. She sent a photo of him "playing in a silly way" with her kitty. I then had to very seriously explain to her that in the photo, my cat and her cat were trying to make more cats. FML
Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML
Today, I'm watching my brother's cat while he's gone. I'm a seasoned cat veteran, having been around cats my whole life, but I never thought I would ever have to say, "Bob, why did you jump into the trashcan again?" with complete seriousness. This cat is WEIRD. And I've seen quite a few oddball cats before. FML
Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML
Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML
Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML
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Top comments
Aeroxx1337 17
Cats can't control minds, that's ridiculous. A cat isn't making me type this. Please help.
Pwn17 25
I can haz cheezburger... You gives it now... I commandz it.
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Comments (65)
Pwn17 25
I can haz cheezburger... You gives it now... I commandz it.
SmallyBigs 9
You've had one too many... Cheeseburgers?
holdengolden 12
It's a website called i can haz cheezeburgers
SokDek 14
Cats maul buttcheeks!
xBethanyC 15
You have cat to be kitten me right meow.
Mat35 8
Do you want fries with that
FMLbutYDI 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Cars are awesome.
FMLbutYDI 17
****, I meant cats. Dumb iPhone.
Pwn17 25
Well yes, they do help us go places. EDIT: Dammit, I was too late.
dinosxxrawr 22
way to change the comment and mess up again. ;]
FMLbutYDI 17
How is it I make an edit and get thumbed down?
Bobby_007 9
#12 It's not your iPhone, it's your cat, mind controlling you to go out and buy Shelby, and you'd be wise to listen or you might wake up and have half your butt check missing lol.
timelessone 16
Why is the sky blue?
eddeeezzyy 19
The atmosphere is the mixture of gas molecules and other materials surrounding the earth. It is made mostly of the gases nitrogen (78%), and oxygen (21%). Argon gas and water (in the form of vapor, droplets and ice crystals) are the next most common things. There are also small amounts of other gases, plus many small solid particles, like dust, soot and ashes, pollen, and salt from the oceans. The blue color of the sky is due to Rayleigh scattering. As light moves through the atmosphere, most of the longer wavelengths pass straight through. Little of the red, orange and yellow light is affected by the air. However, much of the shorter wavelength light is absorbed by the gas molecules. The absorbed blue light is then radiated in different directions. It gets scattered all around the sky. Whichever direction you look, some of this scattered blue light reaches you. Since you see the blue light from everywhere overhead, the sky looks blue. You're welcome, 26.
vonvaski 18
#49 you must be great at parties.
dinosxxrawr 22
they probably do. cats are magnificent and magical. do not deny the power of cats.
ILoveMyArm 15
Shit, you guys are onto us.
maximus_prime 24
Ancient Egyptians treated cats like Gods, and the cats haven't forgotten.
VeganVampyre 27
The only power of cats that I know of is the power to give you parasites, which I don't think is overly magical. Just sayin'
mduerden 18
Actually it's been scientifically proven that the crazy cat lady theory is true.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Less magic, more parasites. Toxoplasmosis is spread by cat feces. Having multiple cats increases your likelihood of contracting it. Now if you are a man the long term effect is a decrease in altruism. If you are a woman? Toxoplasmosis infection in the brain increases levels of altruism and makes women docile. Add to that a cats purr is the sawn frequency as a baby crying? Cats are very designed to control women at least. There is a reason for crazy cat women vastly outnumbering cat men.
applebramble 22
Or really her brother just dislikes cats.
LaLince 40
Cat Power strikes again
ltaper11 20
I don't like cats for one reason. If you make a cat to the size of a big dog it will eat you, while the dog will just lick you.
Queensland 27
They're called lions, panthers, tigers, cheetahs... They already exist...
ltaper11 20
Yes but I am talking your everyday house cat sipersized
Queensland 27
Nah my cat would just lick my face and squash me under her big furry butt.
shitidied 17
proof of that.
Michele2luv 8
He's right . . .
Queensland 27
Didn't you hear? It's true. They discovered Osama bin laden was a cat. 9/11 wouldn't have happened if he didn't brainwash those terrorists.
BossPathfinderGM 14
Seems the cats have more than his tongue.
xXfrostXx 9
If cats want something they'll just slice you,no mind control needed.
ILoveMyArm 15
Or we purr, singing the song of our ancestors, and basically tempt you into giving us what we wanted.
missababgaga 19
Wait. You didn't already know this obviously true fact about cats?