Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML
Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
zadok24 11
Well, at least it's not dry anymore
Attacksloth 33
Well at least you know you can still make women wet for you.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (70)
zadok24 11
Well, at least it's not dry anymore
whysobeachy 37
Yeah, OP is living a dream...a wet dream.
Econforthwin 15
That long of a dry spell must have pissed OP off.
delfino1604 24
hey that's awesome bro.
mds9986 24
Your picture is sideways; I'm not sure if you realized.
MidnaLink 35
Wouldn't you feel it?
4WheelBurnout 14
At least it wasn't OP that pissed the bed
Attacksloth 33
Well at least you know you can still make women wet for you.
axfabxdisaster 25
Atleast she's straight forward :/
swanheart 35
"No, did I?" - try a joke and see how she reacts. she may have been trying to break the tension with humour. If so great, if not get out quick!
whynotbliss 18
Kinda late to go back and do as you suggested, don't ya think?!
swanheart 35
You are correct sir, thank you for correcting me. Now run along - if you are going to correct everyone on this site who has made a similar mistake then you need to start right away!
swanheart 35
Oh man, I said 'correct' there a lot didn't I? To be fair, I did just learn it today...
Levvy 22
I'm not quite as confident all that many people on the site have struggled with linear time.
swanheart 35
I think you will find that gazillions of people on this site have struggled with that concept. Or they will do, depending on what direction time flows in this universe. :)
Shakazulu1216 13
Good job, sir.
cksmith51 14
Congrats on getting laid!
1dvs_bstd 41
She could have said worse.. seriously, what's the problem? What if she asked you 'how drunk was I?!'
zyero 9
The question is was the beauty worth it, and do you at least remember the sex or was it one of those drunken accidents?