Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer, as well as all the emails from my long-distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job, and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML
Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML
Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML
Today, I splurged thousands of dollars on the breed of dog that I've loved since I was a kid from a reputable breeder. He is allergic to all food except the 24lb food for $70 and has sensitivities galore, including a seizure from a shot. I've spent $5,000 in vet bills in the first week. FML
Today, I gave my son a bollocking for losing a very important paper that I needed for work. I've just found it in my right pocket. FML
Today, I found out that the "IRS scam" that I ignored last week was actually not a scam, and now I have a warrant out for me. FML
Today, the highlight of my day was someone prank-calling me. FML
Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, I dragged my entire family to the beach for a swim. I don’t know what was up with the tides but the water was all over the place as soon as we came near. FML
Today, I was waiting at a stop light in the left turn lane, when a homeless guy on the sidewalk walked up to my car with a, "Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" sign. The lady on my right decided to throw a quarter at him, but it missed and hit my windshield. She yelled, "Oh fuck!" and drove away. FML
StephLo_fml tells us more.
No windshield damage that I could see, just sort of startling that she would throw a coin two lanes away during heavy traffic -___-
Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML
Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML
Today, I was, once again, yelled at by multiple tourists because I don't speak their language, even though they could neither speak English or Norwegian. They also yelled at me for not accepting Euros. Norway is not a part of the European Union. FML
hemiol tells us more.
hemiol 30
Because I do understand some of the languages of the tourists who usually come through. I usually get by with a couple of words here and there, some Norwegian and English, but some tourists just don't bother to even try. Usually it's fine, and everybody's happy, but every day I meet at least one asshat who turns to yelling in stead of being a bit patient.
Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML
Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML
Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML
Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML
Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML
Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML
Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML
Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML
Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML
Today, on my way home from a Christmas party, the cab I was in was hit in the side. After making sure everyone was okay, the cab driver informed me that I'd still have to pay the cab fare, which he'd kept running. FML
elizabethcas tells us more.
Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML
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