Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML
Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML
Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
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Top comments
LiveLaughFML 10
it's like being nice to the weird kid and then BOOM stalked for life!
hellojpg 0
Smoking killss
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Comments (68)
hellojpg 0
Smoking killss
abbyelizabeth 9
Ha, And people ask me why I'm not generous...
borkchop1992 15
ass*
Keyman1212 14
Smoking also kills when you befriend a new stalker!
ikickgingers 15
Smokers kill*
Sienna420 4
Which is why weed is better then cigarettes.
Laners561769 9
You'll just have to SMOKE his ass!
ScarletBloom 14
Being a non smoker doesn't guarantee you a longer life than the smokers.
bling87 0
57 - that's disgusting and you need to put your cleavage away; you look to young to be trashy like that.
marpay 11
72- 57's profile says she is 21 she can do as she pleases. Yes already I know people lie about their age on here. Don't need to remind me. 57- please leave your boobs out, we like to see them.
onedayinamsterda 14
amen to that
onedayinamsterda 14
true, but smoking definitely puts u at a higher risk. think abt it.
RealChinese 7
Going out of your house puts you at a higher risk too. Think about it.
srm0608 0
i agree with 45
mduffy08 8
Weed is stupid. It's still bad for you, so don't tell me it's okay.
ZeroIce 12
Sue Sylvester at the finest
schrodingersdog 4
But being a smoker means losing your ability to smell and making everyone else pissed at you for smelling like smoke.
LiveLaughFML 10
it's like being nice to the weird kid and then BOOM stalked for life!
alfool 0
That is happening to me now and I don't know what to do because I don't want to hurt his feelings but he follows me around school so creepy
ImOlivia 5
34 - cool story bro.
instnt1nfction 17
He is your special follower, pretend he is a henchman.
frozenshake 5
50- win
RavagedSouI 0
Lol 34 I suggest you avoid him. That or as 50 said make him do your dirty work... Till he gets the message. If he is slow, you get a slave till end of school term.
detroitsucks247 3
Thats what you get for being nice dumb@$$ what were you thinking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!
nephilim241 19
The price of generousity.. fyl op :-(
BehindU 5
What I'm wondering is if OP had a car . Because if he did he could have just drove away.
instnt1nfction 17
He would have went into the car with OP
ninjuh_wingman 29
And that kids is why you dont smoke
andiiturtle 0
because people follow you around? :X huh
Laurenlou 24
And that is why you should never give a stanger a cigarette, or even be smoking, my dear OP.
jacob2raider 0
I agree. Smoking = big turn off
deviable 9
Give a man a smoke, he smokes for one day. Teach a man to smoke, and he'll go for the throat.
ariannaimelda 7
That's his way of telling you smoking kills
that_nerdy_sock 3
Cigarettes are bad for you. Smoking is disgusting. Wanna die? Pick one up. Light it. Inhale. Disgusting.
borkchop1992 15
i would put the in your bass instead of chasing you around
lolololer 8
huh?
False_Stupidity 42
Anyone able to translate this?
steadycreepin 5
Creeper...