Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, after finding out that I'd slept with our married neighbor, I found out my husband had slept with him too as revenge. FML
Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML
Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I found out my wife has been taking "Love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML
Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML
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Top comments
docsigma 8
...five? Your husband's got mad endurance!
Andrewl_FML 0
Is "slaps his sausage" slang for masterbating or is he ACTUALLY slapping a sausage. I personally think if he was literally slapping a sausage while watching you have sex would be so much funnier!
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Comments (70)
krasian 0
first
IronLionZion_fml 0
Are you? haha, why 5?
wasted0087 0
Because that's how long they last... Or how long he lasts beatin' his meat
terranada 3
they're called curtains. learn to use them
tatababe 1
for 2 years these ppl haven't had curtains wow what's wring with the world
kendalkj 0
next time close your blinds and it won't be a free Porno for the old man.. and first
Otto12 0
btw, ur not first, and if u even were, noone cares.why is it such an accomplishment to be first, while some people are fighting for a greater good, protecting their country, or helping people in, say Haiti. go get a life
JAT070 0
that's a compliment in my book
krasian 0
but get a restraining order and better shades
automatedeffemel 0
It didn't occur to you to but curtains for 2 years? Or even crazier, that someone can see you and your husband shag with the windows wide open?
marc_with_a_c 3
yeah seriously.. once in a while I can understand, but if he could see everytime, then it's your own fault for not closing the curtains/blinds, or for not noticing the view from your window that goes to his window
White667 0
Also five cigarettes? No foreplay then I guess?
time4coffee 3
YDI Keep blinds, I'm assuming you're in a city, common situation. But why are you watching back during sex to know it's 5 cigs and he's slapping the sausage. Sex must be pretty bad if you have to watch him
CannedSausages 0
Is anyone else wondering how she knows this? I smell a fake....
corbincorbin 0
she also could have told him to stop or something and the creepy neighbor told her he does this while he watches
jbwoy 0
i agree with the comments next time make sure the blinds are closed lol for all you know he made a tape of this
XxbladixX 0
ewww that's gross maybe now you know to close the blinds before sex. ;)
docsigma 8
...five? Your husband's got mad endurance!
niggercakes 14
I interpreted it as five at the same time
smjstevens 0
I would too if you left your windows open for the world to see. YDI
DynamicDave 11
Lol "slaps his sausage"! Never heard that one before!
Ruff_fml 3
creepy neighbour...
perdix 31
Oh, come on, if you had non-ugly neighbors who regularly had sex in plain view, wouldn't you watch? Of course, that is if there's nothing good on TV or there are no FML's that scream for comment. And might you also get a bit excited from the show and seek some release by choking the chicken? C'mon, truth! But, smoking?!?!?!? Eeeeewww .... disgusting!