Today, I caught my "best friend" on my laptop, copying my girlfriend's nudes onto his flash drive. FML
Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML
Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend's advice and finally stood up to my very passive-agressive, rude mother. What started in a conversation about her snide comment about my outfit ended in me needing to find somewhere else to live. FML
jessroses tells us more.
OP here So didn't expect this to make the front page but to clear up a few things I'm 19, my boyfriend also lives with his parents and I live away from home in a town about 2 hours away, but my usual hangout bar is in my hometown so on the weekends and holidays I come home and make use of the bed. So mostly I've moved out. We had gotten into a very loud row which turned into mum (for the umpteenth time) bringing up how I'm never home and what happened to the sweet little girl that told her everything. I've explained time and time again that I didn't have friends then and Now I'm balancing a social life in 2 places, and spending time with family, which I admit I haven't been spending as much time with her, because once I moved out I could see her from a distance and see how manipulative she is. I have also tried to see mum less and less because I thought that's just where my life was headed. Being the youngest child means it's difficult for mum to let go. However, I have been her punching bag for the past few years, always making passing comments about my weight (I am obese, as is she) and the clothes I wear. I came out as bisexual to her and she doesn't believe me because I have a boyfriend and told me to keep it from the rest of the family. So yeah, I'm trying to get out of the situation, but my boyfriends family are not doing well financially so I would rather not move in, as well as its a relatively new relationship (just under a year)
Today, my parrot won't stop repeating my boyfriend's name. The problem is we broke up days ago and my parrot won't shut up. FML
Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing, "If You're Happy and You Know It." My mom joined in. They sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML
Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML
Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML
Today, my ballet teacher decided to tell us, in detail, about the nasty staph infection she has on her boob. The whole time, she was scratching it. FML
fightingkittens tells us more.
Feeling better? It's one thing to talk about the drama in one's personal life, as long as the details aren't too.......well, you get it. It's another thing to talk about a staph infection. I've done research in this field, I know how bad it is. There is no way I could have escaped hearing it unless I had left the classroom; she was out of line here.
Today, a little girl came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Lindsey, let's be friends!" I thought she was cute, so I played along and said, "OK! My name is Jen!" Her reply was, "Wait, never mind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML
Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML
Today, I set my car's speed to 125km/h to pass the speed camera announced by a road sign. Sure of myself, for a laugh I flipped the bird as I went by. When the flash went off, I realised that the speed limit was 110 km/h, not the usual 130 km/h. FML
Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "There's no such thing as bacteria in food." FML
Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML
Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML
Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML
Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML
Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML
Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I'd left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML
Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML
Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML
Today, I learned the hard way what the inside of my toe looks like. FML
soni_miller tells us more.
Hey guys! I'm OP, I just didn't log in to give the FML. At the end of October, my iPad accidentally fell on my big toe, affecting my nail and the skin around it. It still didn't heal and yesterday it started chipping and peeling off. It actually didn't hurt when it did. But DO NOT EVER DROP YOUR IPAD ON YOUR TOE BECAUSE IT WILL HURT SO BAD.
Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML
Today, a friend told me that when I read, I make all the expressions the characters in the book are making. Apparently, I have been doing this since I was a kid, and no one ever told me. FML
Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML
Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML
Today, I found my iPhone. Too bad it was when I was getting my clothes out of the washer. FML
Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML
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