Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML
Today, I have a UTI. After taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side-effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML
Today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML
Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
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Top comments
BrookieAnn 19
Tell him to piss off
Pleonasm 36
I dream that one day that will be me. Punning is an infectious humour; and one that is gaining tract-ion on this site.
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Comments (88)
BrookieAnn 19
Tell him to piss off
Cobro 5
That's the last thing OP wants to hear right now...
puzzle05 9
OP just said he didn't want to hear puns pertaining to his UTI... Why would he say it himself...?
feelingold 18
he's been spending too much time on this site??
ShyAnn29 15
Puns can be annoying sometimes
phoneYuNOlisten 16
I like to hit people in the penis when they go over board with puns
lifesucks1217 6
always are...
mariepastyglue 30
You should have taken better care of yourself but you didn't.! That's why urine this mess in the first place...
andy1500726 19
I currently have a UTI, and let me tell u they happen at random. even infants sometimes get them, so Its not a question of taking care of your self. next time u try to blame someone make sure u know what ur saying!
Sputnikspak 13
Yeah, UTIs aren't really something you can always prevent. I'm prone to them (and kidney problems) because I have Lupus. It doesn't matter what I do, I always get a couple every year.
Epikouros 32
Exactly. I even got a UTI from drinking too much water.
BigJoeZD 16
You should go to a doctor and find out why you keep getting these UTI's. Didn't you know? It's never Lupus
Omegamike101 7
#50 butthurt much? Jesus christ laugh a little
Pleonasm 36
I dream that one day that will be me. Punning is an infectious humour; and one that is gaining tract-ion on this site.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Punny you should say that...
andrew6p 19
Wow ur dad's lame and annoying! Reminds me of a scene in a movie i once watched!
CharresBarkrey 16
Oh cool story!
LissaMccracken 23
Was it that one scene in that one movie where those people did that thing?... Haha
andrew6p 19
Seriously guys?
SkyGuy32 17
#28, I think it was the one from the other movie where they did the other thing.
goodoldave 17
If I was in the sons situation I would find it funny. Thumb me down if you want but that ***** funny.
AngelSpit 18
You know OP on a sucky scale from 1-10 I think you're an eight :)
SaxophoneHero 12
I think that comment was a ten.
SkyGuy32 17
And I accidentally liked the comment when I tried to dislike.
AngelSpit 18
It's ok 77 not everyone has the intelligence to get word play :p
ObsessedWithMe 13
I'm sure you've got some quirks of your dads you can play on. or ignore him it's not that bad.
mcrepas 19
Sounds like you're pretty "pee-'oed" about that.
botanistjessica 24
I think you're missing the point.
mcrepas 19
Sometimes my sarcasm goes a bit too far for this bunch...
Neyuu 18
I don't think you know what sarcasm is.
mcrepas 19
Well it would appear that I don't know what the word means since I used it in the wrong way. What can I say? I'm a goob sometimes. I guess I should have written that 'people don't understand my humor or lack there of' instead of sarcasm. My bad folks
chocolateisyum 12
It sounds like all these puns are making you a little pee'd off.