Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, my roommate went away for the weekend so she could hook up with a guy from Tinder that she's never met. This wouldn't be a problem if we hadn't already made plans for my 18th birthday, which is also today. Here's to a night of Netflix with my dog. FML
Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend. Some girl he knows invited us over to watch a movie. She spent the whole time ignoring the movie and clinging to him, trying to get him to stay, and completely ignoring the fact that I was there and that he was basically my ride. I felt like walking home. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML
Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with 4 friends. I didn't realize that I was the only one who didn't have a date. The theater row had just enough room for everyone but me, I got to sit in back of everyone else while they were making out in front of me for 2 hours. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
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Top comments
Godfreyy 2
A jar of peanut butter and you could of had a fun night.
Poetaster 10
Dog: ... Knew I should have brought the bitch from down the hall... This guy is never gonna put out- FML
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Comments (88)
RedPillSucks 33
quit your complaining... Sometimes you gotta take what you an get.
Godfreyy 2
A jar of peanut butter and you could of had a fun night.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
*forever alone face* );
leadman1989 16
Hahahahaha ***********...
J3R3MYY 14
Yeaaaaaa.... BUDDY!!
aruam365 24
I know that was a joke, and it wasn't serious at all. But, that is really disgusting to even joke about.
enonymous 9
40 - If it'd make you feel better I can give you a toothbrush to make you feel more included in the fun :)
Keyman1212 14
Would you at least give me back my toothbrush once your done using it to apply peanut butter to your balls? And no, I don't want it in any vaginas. Assholes are okay though.
ShakeMeDown 12
42 - I'm sorry that not everyone gets your FML references.
Godfreyy 2
Dude it's the internet, there's way worse stuff out there
ImFrackinBored 13
19 beat me to it :c
Rawflemywaffle1 0
Dogs are man's best friend
teddy4nyy 13
Man's Best Friend With Benefits
SwedishDerp 3
Sometimes dogs are more fun than woman
slushpup9696 12
Somebody's either a lesbian or into **********...
SwedishDerp 3
Dirty mind..
fthislyfe 22
Uh well, he kind of insulted women so she answered back! So #4 must be into ********** too. I'm a straight girl but I can't deny the fact that sometimes dogs are more faithful than men.
SwedishDerp 3
I insulted woman? It was a joke and no I'm not into **********
J3R3MYY 14
^^ comin from the guy who said dogs are more fun than women..
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
It goes both ways... Sometimes dogs are more faithful than women
Poetaster 10
Dog: ... Knew I should have brought the bitch from down the hall... This guy is never gonna put out- FML
sailoroftheseas 7
better than nothing
Savra_fml 17
You would prefer a leg covered in dog precum? I personally would go for nothing in this case.
iBanana 17
.....Nobody gets that desperate.
sailoroftheseas 7
Or do they...
MagicallyFat 12
The dog would never hurt you like a girl would. Dogs will love you unconditionally no matter what. Your better off
vipirius 18
wow, forever alone much?
fthislyfe 22
Do you want someone who would be there when you need him? Do you want a man who'd watch romantic movies with you all night without complaining? Do you want a faithful guy who'd never cheat on you no matter what? Get a dog!
perdix 31
Actually, a male dog will **** any bitch in heat. It's their nature, but then again, you shouldn't be requiring fidelity from your dog. Dogs are the best pets, though.
DocBastard 40
And it took you the whole night to realise this? Are you expecting a girl to magically materialize in front of you and love you unconditionally? Get off your ass and go meet someone.
Quasar55_fml 18
You can't just "go and meet someone" magically either. You're making it look like it's easy.
fthislyfe 22
Well at least he should try! It's better than sitting at home whining about being lonely.
DocBastard 40
Quasar - you're right, there's nothing magical about it. It's all rather mundane. Here's how it's done: Step 1: Walk outside Step 2: See people Nowhere in those 2 easy steps do you see "Sit on the couch and complain".
Savra_fml 17
He should talk it over with the dog first to see of it's OK to see/meet other people. Looks like only the dog is putting in an effort in the relationship.
Daralea 21
Maybe a girl wont materialize, but enough nights watching movies cuddling up with the dog and that manatee will turn into a mermaid.
crymore007 11
Meating someone is easier than meeting someone.
KaanTech 0
Yup Docbastard is still THE BEST here. I don't give a shit if you agree or not, he is pure logical. Now **** off.....
RedPillSucks 33
Well, he did say he was having a relaxing time. I guess the dog wasn't so bad after all.
1JDub 6
A little bit o peanutbutter can take ya a long way with Fido....o ya, FYL
Savra_fml 17
Everyone but knew in advance? Why didn't you ask a girl over?