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By anon - 04/12/2009 10:35 - Australia

Today, I got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. I got all excited when I saw a cheque inside, but the cheque was addressed to the wrong name. Not only did my own aunt forget my name, I couldn't even bank the $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 201

You deserved it 2 740

By lolcaption2324 - 23/10/2015 11:07 - United States

Today, I pulled a girl out of the way of a car. She yelled at me because I made her drop her phone, which then got run over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 610

You deserved it 1 791

lolcaption2324 tells us more.

lolcaption2324 13

Saturday 24 October 2015 11:51

No, actually she yelled, "It should've been you b*tch!" And "what the h*ell?"

Sketchy

By Anonymous - 23/04/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendant. He had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 718

You deserved it 70 883

Leave it

By caleighrossi - 16/06/2014 00:21 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 619

You deserved it 5 391

By 713 - 29/08/2010 01:36 - United States

Today, the girl I like sent me a Facebook message telling me how the message I left on her phone was one of the funniest drunk dials she's ever gotten. I'm debating whether or not I should tell her that I don't drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 513

You deserved it 4 201

By IHateGroupProjects - 25/04/2012 13:25 - United States - Riverdale

Today, I've now received my 73rd email in two days about my masters group project on policy recommendations for security reform. One group member has helpfully rewritten everything, and our project is now titled "Zeus's Earthly Kingdom." It's due today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 414

You deserved it 2 836

Clumsy

By IHateBagels - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was cutting a bagel, only to slice the back of my hand with the knife. As I grabbed paper towels to clean up the blood, I noticed that the bagel was pre-sliced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 092

You deserved it 82 459

You deserve each other

By best friend! - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 101

You deserved it 2 500

Busted

By Anonymous - 14/05/2010 04:33 - Canada

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 100

You deserved it 32 422

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 05:15 - United States - Bronx

Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 166

You deserved it 2 909

By anonymous - 07/02/2012 09:27 - United States

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 301

You deserved it 2 353

By bruised - 19/05/2016 20:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 331

You deserved it 1 246

By Milly - 30/01/2011 19:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to help a very slow-witted client over the phone. After a while, I realised he was just delaying while pleasuring himself to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 652

You deserved it 4 094

By fmlifer - 04/11/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 517

You deserved it 9 168

Both ends

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 691

You deserved it 3 987

By danrocketman - 05/10/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, I got a job in my university library. My job title is technical services. My actual job is pulling off the book label for the scanner and putting a new one on. For six hours a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 993

You deserved it 4 654

By f-ugly - 25/03/2013 18:36 - United States

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 278

You deserved it 4 566

By ouchmyeye - 10/06/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 718

You deserved it 5 130

By fuck you with a bacon cock - 04/04/2014 22:07 - United Kingdom - Forres

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 351

You deserved it 3 519

By kj1 - 17/02/2014 18:28 - United States - Draper

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 317

You deserved it 6 721

By Anonymous - 13/05/2015 17:20 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 972

You deserved it 2 775

By khaoslife - 18/04/2015 03:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 247

You deserved it 2 352

Fancy seeing you here!

By tryingnottocare - 06/08/2009 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 752

You deserved it 4 616

Photography nerd

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 23:44 - United States - Boston

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 158

You deserved it 21 967

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 06:37 - United States

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 984

You deserved it 56 303

By TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks - 11/09/2012 03:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 613

You deserved it 7 267

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 07:13 - Denmark

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 954

You deserved it 4 113

By whorecrux - 02/07/2013 03:37 - United States - Newark

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 967

You deserved it 9 861

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Wichita

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 670

You deserved it 2 286

By whatthewhat - 18/11/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 234

You deserved it 3 316

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The Top

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 856

You deserved it 3 846

Today, I finally read an email I'd been avoiding. I thought it would be from my dad whom I haven't spoken to in years, and that he was checking on me during the pandemic. It turned out to be spam. The last contact I had with anyone related to my dad was one of his ex's friends, saying she was in jail and needed help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 114

Today, I was eating in the food court at the mall by myself but then a cute guy from my school offers to sit by me, I say yes of course, he then asks me for a french fry. Later on I realize he has eaten half my meal. He only wanted to sit by me for my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 488

You deserved it 6 864

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 188

You deserved it 7 420

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 676

You deserved it 13 167

Today, a patient explained to me what treatment he thought I was supposed to give him by showing me a TikTok video. For one, I'm a surgeon, not a dentist, but even if I was, I wouldn't do root canal treatments at 2 a.m. in an emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 79