Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
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Top comments
askullnamedbilly 33
You gotta love the enthusiasm of guys when it comes to sex though. "I know my penis feels a lot like a wet noodle right now and you think I'm not even aroused, but don't despair yet! I know I can get that thing to work, dammit!"
kangx1 28
Maybe it was his first time and he was overly nervous? Don't be too hard on him OP as for the sticking his limp dick inside you lmao FYL
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Comments (103)
kangx1 28
Maybe it was his first time and he was overly nervous? Don't be too hard on him OP as for the sticking his limp dick inside you lmao FYL
jb591 10
Damn it you beat me to it.
zahidnasir 22
just imagining you right.now lol poker face
andrmac 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#24 maybe he should have tried to poke her face 1st?
Kingsz 7
#39, what...
Xamry14 10
Someone made a reference to poker face Then said maybe he should have tried to "poke her face" first. Get a BJ. To get hard. How did you not get it.
crudeandrudeguy 29
You have to give him points for persistence
Hamden824 23
Don't be too hard on him, OP. Maybe he just wasn't feeling up to it.
SavageCabbage 8
Hidden puns ;)
askullnamedbilly 33
You gotta love the enthusiasm of guys when it comes to sex though. "I know my penis feels a lot like a wet noodle right now and you think I'm not even aroused, but don't despair yet! I know I can get that thing to work, dammit!"
22JB 11
You are on point lol
crudeandrudeguy 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
5- I'm happily married and not hitting on you but you have very pretty eyes. Sorry if it came across creepy but I believe in paying a compliment when one is due
helloimkylieee 19
#35- still pretty creepy with the excuse and apology.
askullnamedbilly 33
Funnily enough, I'd only just uploaded a profile picture showing my face about 5 minutes before that comment was posted.
Mynamewontfi 40
#35 It's extra creepy knowing this isn't the first time you've commented on a much younger than you girls appearance on here.
JKPwnage 27
Because sex is relatively hard to come by for guys.
SookyLala 13
#5 we're stubborn
MariaGiovanni 25
Even creepier when on his bio it says "There's an astonishing amount of gorgeous women on here, although being married gives you permanent beer goggles." um what?! Saying you're married actually makes it worse not better.
The_Potato_Lord 15
#35 your son is adorable
Chromaggia 11
I was confused when I first read your comment because I forgot that you can have multiple pictures, and in his icon he is holding a fish. I was just like, "There must be something terribly wrong with his daughter"
HonestPie 10
He's just joking. Geez, give him a break. So getting married means you can't pay anyone a compliment?
Xamry14 10
Plus that's really disrespectful to his wife. Sounds like a low life to me.
mswim 27
He's married, doesn't make him not human. My boyfriend and I compliment others on their beauty all the time. Being in a committed relationship doesn't mean you can't appreciate how pretty others are.
thatsjustgreat1 16
I guess it goes to show that the first times aren't always hard.
thatonechicksaid 12
ayyy
blueotcxx 2
Baddum tsssss.
cheeeksss 29
Tell him you two can try again another time. That way you have another opportunity with him and you not rejecting him may raise his confidence to perform better next time.
gobiteme2 34
Doesn't sound like he performed this time. Trying another time does make sense if you are into him.
cheeeksss 29
That's exactly why I said perform better next time...
BlueBaronBitch 22
A for effort on his part
brenton490 19
I thought "A" was for anal or maybe that's why she yelled at me?
cheeeksss 29
I thought A was for abstinence. According to We're The Millers, a reliable source.
GrinchFu1 27
Try not to be too hard on the guy. It happens sometimes... Guys get nervous about sex too, especially when it's with someone they're really in to.
Kittyphysics 21
truth. try not to be too disappointed, op. sounds like he really wanted to. better luck next time!
cherokeespirit 3
Agreed! Had a BF that for the first month sometimes we would have this situation occur. After we had time to get used to each other things got better
CoupeDeAce 6
Sometimes, it's okay to help the guy rise to occasion. it's called foreplay.
fakedsincerity 32
How do you know they didn't try foreplay first? If you're nervous or have a medical issue or something no amount of foreplay will help.
tantanpanda 26
The OP would have mentioned it. I mean, OP could have tried to give a bit of head to help.
Dune1988 18
It was too cold to get excited, that lil guy is just searching for warmth.