Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML
Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML
Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML
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Top comments
jlt93 0
And your daughter is how old?
Jacobt24 19
That wasn't a good hiding place to start with. It's not even hidden.
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Comments (103)
jlt93 0
And your daughter is how old?
orangeduck 6
She just hit the triple digits yesterday!
howdmynosego 12
I guess it's time to get rid of chairs aswell
iheartbewbies 0
If the daughter is young (under 11) I highly doubt she would be able to light a lighter.. If the daughter is a teenager, I don't see why you would have to hide a lighter on top of the fridge when she can probably gain access to one at any time..
YourEvilHero 12
I should make an fml considering how I just found out how to use a lighter at 18.
iheartbewbies 0
If the daughter is young (under 11) I highly doubt she would be able to light a lighter.. If the daughter is a teenager, I don't see why you would have to hide a lighter on top of the fridge when she can probably gain access to one at any time..
paperheart85 3
Im 26 and still dont know how lol
ONExLOVE_fml 4
its best to keep that to yourself...
brianjman14 23
How do you NOT know how to? You just spin the wheel and hold the button down. It's that easy.
Laners561769 9
I have one word: Bosley.
Thatcow 5
or Rogaine?
santarosakid 5
does the carpet still match the drapes hahaha!
brenkite 5
I have known longer than I can remember, I am a total pyromaniac and collect zippo lighters
YourEvilHero 12
I just never bothered using a lighter. I know now
Fuzzy_Kittehz 5
#63 its not that easy. Even I have trouble lighting my incense with lighters because I can never push the wheel hard enough, nor fast enough to ACTUALLY light.
Jacobt24 19
That wasn't a good hiding place to start with. It's not even hidden.
Jimster1712 0
I bet you were so angry that you became a hot head!! gahahahahaha geddit??? *forever alone*
Kyze_Ninja 10
2, if you read the FML it never said that it was hidden
Jacobt24 19
It doesn't matter. She was keeping it away from her kid which is still hiding it
jtrem26 2
My name is Jacob T. WTF?
likasumboooodi 0
her daughter is asian. knows the way of a ninja
sugarbear444 0
lol
birdetoyourdork 2
hey
narcosoldier 2
Stop drop and role
genesisnirvana 11
It would work so much better if she stopped, dropped, and rolled.
StopDropNRoll 11
^yup just do as the name says
KiddNYC1O 22
It works in present tense as well.
mk58 31
36, you didn't get the point if 14's comment. They were correcting the use of "role".
likasumboooodi 0
no put your head in the toilet filled with oil
morganrules123 10
I'm guessing you don't have lighters that are child resistant
claudia19801811 14
Nor do I. Or my neighbour who has a 4-year-old
afdude87 6
sounds like your kid is just mad they've got an idiot for a parent.
Climaxx 11
Monkey see, Monkey do.
gunmania0 12
You suck at parenting!
genesisnirvana 11
No they don't.OP simply sucks at hiding things correctly
HeyImJuli 3
pyromaniac. keep her away from cigarettes. fyl OP
ARMY_Trevor 5
Was she looking for the cookie jar?
buckie123 3
YDI because You failed to teach your child that fire is dangerous! Keep her away from fireplaces-she may jump in.
genesisnirvana 11
You can teach but that doesn't mean that you'll be listened to
organicmtdew 0
yeah! as she might say "Diagonally" when se does it, cos that's what Harry Potter movies teach: SATANISM AND NON-STRAIGHTNESS!!!!