Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I discovered the hard way that training in martial arts means nothing when the thug harassing your wife at the bar has a mate stood behind you ready, willing, and able to kick you square in the balls with a toe-capped work boot while you’re getting into your correct fighting stance. FML
Today, I learned that kicking an armed mugger's ass is something that only happens in movies, and that brass knuckles are really fucking painful. FML
Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML
Today, my toxic daughter learned that yelling at a biker chick won’t just get her an argument, it will get her several broken bones and a concussion. The FML is that I now have to take care of her with her broken leg for six weeks. I hate her; she’s such a bitch to everyone. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I asked a girl from class out. Not only did she say, "Ew, no way, never, creepo!", but four hours later her boyfriend, who I didn't know about, threatened me with a gun if I ever even looked at his girl again. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Something tells me that she was the one giving the orders in bed.
jobo50123 3
Why didn't you just call her back?
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Comments (103)
ImSoBaller 0
Wow, guys. I suck so, so bad, and in more ways than one! ROFL.
ImSoBaller 0
Fags
kevsnev 7
Sorry OP but YDI for being a douche.
fabian21 0
So... what type of bike did she ride?
kevsnev 7
Sorry OP but YDI for being a douche. I hate the one night stand type of guy.
StoryOfTheYear 15
26- Rule #1 about threadjacking: Do not threadjack if nothing relevant has been posted about the original comment, or you look like you're talking about the original comment, not OP
fabian21 0
34- Well, sorry. I didn't mean to destroy the subject. People below me have God's, the Pope's, and the President's approval to continue talking about the actual post. Pff.
TenderizeMe 0
Is that why you couldnt stay? No place to put your things? Only 1 night stand?
xSwaGKinGx 0
#31 hasn't kissed a girl in his life
oops_im_fucked 8
Ok but what does that have to do with anything? I mean, no offense or anything.
hellogoodbye1996 6
You must be pretty desperate to get with a women that could beat you..
Jacobt24 19
He edited it. He had something else earlier.
mchakkiwala 0
I think you really satisfied her libido. but I wonder who had sex with who?
Blazingcrono 6
Act of a mod, most likely Sirin for all you newcomers :)
Jacobt24 19
Whatever it is, I like it.
cruxx 0
I have no idea whats going on..
killerweakness 0
Funny shit man
athena3100 9
damn… totally FYL.
babyfireball77 14
You deserved it for having a one night stand with a butch biker chick
palahniukpaul 6
Why do I smell bicycles?
RUSH777 0
2- I ******* love your picture lol.
asianpandabear 0
That's why I wait till 2 nights after.
jobo50123 3
Why didn't you just call her back?
MrWhite139 0
Bcuz she's a biker brod
Lennes 12
#77, he wouldn't have to sleep with her. He could tell her he's moving to a diferent country and that although the time he spent with her was delightful, long-distance relationships never work out.
chrisbeaudoin 26
Okay, Barney.
BaDumTsss_fml 23
Because he isn't obligated to
megz21 0
Well... You shouldn't have pissed off my sister.
Midrash 5
Why didn't u call her? It's a guaranteed laid.
ImSoBaller 0
LOL
rogerusmc23 0
guaranteed lay**
katie72 6
You're hot ;)
BikeAllDay818 6
Who gives a ****.
humorizer 14
^ The biker chick. Or she would have if the guy called back.
iAmScrubs 19
Something tells me that she was the one giving the orders in bed.
Jacobt24 19
OP's name suggests that she succeeded, or it was rough sex . . .
StoryOfTheYear 15
And if you had read the whole FML you'd have found that OP does indeed tell us she succeeds
Jacobt24 19
Yeah I know. I just wanted to comment on the username.
Baller_Ryan 5
What does OP mean?
Jacobt24 19
I have an ORIGINAL POSTER of the denver broncos.
Glassmaster 0
OP's place of residence suggests that biker chicks/one-night stands aren't too rare
Salkadi 9
So she doesn't know the concept of a one night stand?
shortstuffs23 7
exactly.
DjeePee 25
Or she didn't realise it was a one-night stand. Maybe she saw OP, fell head over heels in love with him and misinterpreted the amazing sex as the start of an amazing relationship. Dunno. OP, FYL for getting beaten up, but YDI for not saying you were not interested in anything more than a one-night stand/not calling her back.
heavymetalman1 0
Dating A lesbian when your a dude can do rough things to a guy. Did she snap your dick off to??
Jacobt24 19
Yes. That's why OP's username is 'owmyhead'
BelleBelle_fml 11
Jacobt24; that was a much better reference to OP's username. Well played.
Jacobt24 19
All thanks to heavymetalman here for setting me up. I have Chewy Chips Ahoy! cookies with your name on it
heavymetalman1 0
COOKIES!!!