Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving "chem trails", and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to sit and listen as a customer explained to me how we are all being controlled by chemtrails, how all the rich people are ruling the world from underground bunkers, how Michelle Obama is a man, how COVID was a hoax, and that the world is flat. I hate being in customer service. FML
Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML
Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML
Today, I left on my honeymoon with my wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announced incoming storms in the flight path, and the man next to me starts saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime." My wife went into a full panic attack. We hadn't even left the ground yet. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML
Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML
Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML
Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
He's only a legitimate conspiracy theorist if he was wearing a tin-foil hat. If he didn't have the hat, then he may be right.
Potatoverse 7
Another nut for the jar!
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Comments (164)
Potatoverse 7
Another nut for the jar!
\ 28
He knows too much. We must dispose of him.
happylappy 21
That's really mean. I feel like it's become a trend to attack boodashuns comments. I for one liked his comment and if someone like docbastard said it it would be fine.
ositoakaluis 16
NO ONE must know about MK ULTRA or the Manhattan project or how the moon landing was faked so shhhh the NSA is spying on us
dreadbeat69 12
It's completely insane to distrust the government. Power has never corrupted anyone, and there are no secrets that the people in charge won't tell us, right? Maybe chemtrails are ridiculous but at least he is trying to understand what's going on. Shaming someone for trying to not be ignorant is just silly. Break up with him and get over it, or just show him why he is wrong and encourage him to take everything with a grain of salt and do more thorough research on his "facts". As it stands, he is just as dumb as someone who trusts everything the government says. Downvote this, whatever. I accept that this isn't a topic that you can change someone's opinion on over the internet.
Sports_guy3 28
Yes, Booda_Shun. We shall dispose of him. Tonight. Do you propose a plan?
ohnowhyme123 15
your boyfriend seems a little out of it!
Wizardo 34
I agree, the recent hating and attacks on individual commenters really pisses me off. There are so many utterly shite posters that post the most nonsensical, boring and generic comments ever and keep doing it. You see less from people like Pleo and Doc cos the threads get inundated with crap. Think twice about hating and thrice before commenting. Now that's off my chest, I've been telling people for years about this, conspiracies maaaaan.
djxerxes9000 18
Gotta agree with #68 no point being ignorant or believing everything the government says.
FML4ever323 3
No it's true. The gov. Are out to get u the illuminati
thew_fml 14
no, they are not chemtrails, they are contrails. the difference being contrails actually exist
broly93 1
Yes MK ultra i was about to say that. Everyone needs to do some research before they assume someone is crazy.
SThompson90 7
Not sure exactly what MK Ultra is, but I do know it is a freaking sweet song by Muse
phillybob 4
Gotta admire the creativity
Trix_Disorder 20
Not a dig on you or anything, but this is a fairly common conspiracy theory, as far as conspiracy theories go.
184886837272837 32
it's actually based upon some truth. The US military really did do this during the cold war over Louisville Illinois to test how it affected peoples lungs. They did it in the 60's so how do we know they aren't doing something like that now?
Zazoo1995 23
Actually, planes do leave chem trails but it's not to mind control, it's to control weather patterns. Do some research.
alexandraerin 6
They leave contrails, and they don't leave contrails "to affect weather patterns".Yes, contrails *do* affect weather patterns (because they're cloud cover! They reflect sunlight the same as any cloud would do, but they end up being in places where there wouldn't be cloud cover), but the jets don't leave them in order to affect weather patterns. They leave them because it's a natural by-product of the jet technology. There's no plan. That's just how jets work. It's how they've always worked. We couldn't have jets without contrails if we tried.
xnyletak 17
Are you dating Steven Hyde?
fivetimeslonger 24
I would love to date Hyde. Not for the psychobabble, but the sexiness.
Kamon97 23
#35 what the crap have you been smoking?
iAlissa 34
55; it's a quote.
Welshite 40
He's only a legitimate conspiracy theorist if he was wearing a tin-foil hat. If he didn't have the hat, then he may be right.
perdix 31
#4, you can't even get tin-foil anymore, only aluminum. The government controls all the tin-foil because it's the only metal that can block their mind-control ray.
Welshite 40
I've heard aluminum only blocks about 56.3% of the total mind control rays. We need tin!
MrSassypants 34
I know that both of you work for the CIA and that tinfoil and aluminum both help control minds, y'know, since they help with satellite antennas. My hat made out of old gum wrappers surely will work!
1947Chevy 17
16 you can get tin it's just hard to find. The government needs it so other governments don't take over there minds (that's where all that debt we have actually came from the government buying tin foil.
real_madrid 14
He seems like a keeper!
Ambient25 25
Yes. Fast forward a few years "How do I know I got you pregnant?! What if it was just implanted in you by the CIA?!"
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
"He/She seems like a keeper" Slowly but surely becoming one of the most annoying comments on FML. "First" and "Sounds like a shitty situation" better watch out, they got some competition!
iAlissa 34
24, don't forget "You mean your ex, right?" Or "Lost my faith in humanity"
tiernang 21
#24, no one says first anymore... I think people got too much hate from it.
DocBastard 40
This is exactly why my Unofficial Banned Comment List exists.
xcteamrunner 16
I think he meant the NSA.
Ambient25 25
NSA only deals with electronics and cyber.
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
@15 That's what they want you to think! I swear I'm not OP's boyfriend.
Sports_guy3 28
That's what you want us to think.
1947Chevy 17
That's what the government wants you to think
buckdharma 38
It's Operation Mindfuck.
blackonblight 33
Hey, as a Discordian, we don't advocate making people less intelligent. We just laugh at foolishness.
braaaapp87 1
My boyfriend takes pictures of them all the time. Today, there wasn't one real cloud in the sky. Just those trails.
Soloman212 28
They're sucking the clouds right out of the sky to reduce interference with the mind control chems.
fivehorsejohnson 0
No, they're a geoengineering technique a few committees approved against populair opinion. To combat global warming by injecting atmospheric aerosols, particles that deflect the sun up to 20%. Only, it's highly ineffective and instead traps warmth, increasing global warming in the long term.
fivehorsejohnson 0
You can tell if they're aerosols and not ordinary airplane contrails when they haven't dissolved after about a minute and they're being spread out to form artificial cloud cover instead. Clouds keep the sun out, but they also trap warmth underneath. So this technique IS doing more harm than good.
TShaunik 12
For those who don't believe it, there was a WSJ article talking about it around '05. How it's supposed to stop the global warming.
thew_fml 14
that isn't true. contrails do linger if the atmospheric conditions are right
DocBastard 40
Fivehorsejohnson - Geoengineering is a theory, not fact. Contrails can persist for hours under the right condition. Since it is nothing but water vapour and ice crystals, they will also spread out in the air over time and appear to enlarge. You conspiracy theorists sound like idiots every time you say "Don't believe what the government tells you." I bet very few people trust their governments implicitly, but there is not one iota of evidence that chemtrails are anything more than the product someone's over-active imagination.
likemice 6
Lucky. I'm in Iowa. Here, the sky is just one big cloud. No trails, no sun, just cold.
BigFun76 12
http://www.geoengineeringwatch.org/nasa-admits-chemtrails/
lameuser 23
Life must be entertaining around him.
thatnucca 36
I bet his mum doesn't believe that canned foods expire either...