Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot, while whispering, "Jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML
Today, my mom taught her dog not to jump onto her bed without "asking". The dog figured that barking would be a good way to ask, and mostly feels the need to do that around 4 a.m. My room is right next to my mom’s, and I already have trouble sleeping. FML
Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML
Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML
Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML
Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
If the dog is wearing a parachute, then it could be magical. A dog gliding off a cliff slowly without a care in the world.
Jacobt24 19
I suggest watching your dog very carefully from now on
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Comments (103)
StoryOfTheYear 15
Now that's not your bitch ._.
StoryOfTheYear 15
1- Wtf, that doesn't even make any sense.
SunnyUserName123 5
wtf -.-
iAmScrubs 19
If the dog is wearing a parachute, then it could be magical. A dog gliding off a cliff slowly without a care in the world.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Until it hits the ground :(
fabian21 0
It'd probably fart a rainbow and turn into a poptart. What a life!
PutItIn 8
That's when you say, "He was talking about you, mom."
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Was she also debating how to kill your dog and make it look like a accident a few days ago?
NeonBlack 0
26- they already have that in cat form. It's called Nyan.
ariannaimelda 7
What's up with the recent FMLs about parents trying to kill their pets/wanting them to die? There's a thing called adoption you don't have to kill the poor thing.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
37 - They have it in TacoDog form.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Dog wouldn't give a shit, and 24 he has a parachute dumbass
dre_bro11 12
Well OP, expect to see your dog in a pound one year from now, despite you mum saying it died...
seanders 10
I just tried yanking my GFs foot saying "get me a beer.". Didn't work:(
ChibiChibi_fml 28
How is a dog going to know how and when to operate a parachute?
faithxoxox 1
Look at you. Soaring majestically through the air, like an eagle... Piloting a blimp.
turkishjew 0
Did she
DalekScythe 0
grab your mom by the leg and whisper "go do the same"
niebauer 9
@ 74Portal reference ftw
The_Nuke 31
Tug on your mothers' foot and say, "stop being a bitch" repeatedly and see how she likes it
Jacobt24 19
I suggest watching your dog very carefully from now on
asianpandabear 0
I'd suggest watching your mom, OP.
Jacobt24 19
Or otherwise your dog will have a ruff time
iAmScrubs 19
@9: That was a pretty dog-gone good pun.
MonieeKay 9
@9 and @22, You guys have marked new territory for awoofuly funny puns.
sassypants93 17
You might want to watch those cliffs near you for a while...
flockz 20
(tugs foot) "slap an bark at mommy."
deathmetalkill 3
I'm guessing it probably involved peanut butter.
xlord 27
Playing fetch with the peanut butter?
tedjordan21 3
Yall know how to message on this app? I cant find out how
Naked_Communist 0
Ha. Let me guess, you'd like to message pretty Emmie up there?
eeppiicc 8
63, how'd u know?? Lol
Amrel 10
I think the brother meant the dogs "middle leg"
emmiep1011 7
what was your brother doing to your dog when he figured this out?
flockz 20
wow no idea what i just typed... meant to say "slap mommy then bark at her" well i fail woo.
oops_im_fucked 8
Third times the charm.... What? It's 2nd now?
Sydnayy 4
Dogs don't have hands to slap people with.
LemonBlue 0
Tug your mom's foot and say 'go jump off a cliff'.
Jacobt24 19
Or tug mom's foot and say, "make me a sandwich"
BelleBelle_fml 11
#13- Although I do not take offence to those 'women belong in the kitchen' or 'Women are only good for makin' sammiches' jokes, they are getting pretty old.
poopycat 5
Good idea!
ImSoBaller 0
Poop.
Midrash 5
I have a feeling that dog will "run away while you went to school" soon.
monkeybanana 7
Aww :( that's sad that your mom would do that... /:
LemonBlue 0
I would have thumbed you down for being extremely uncreative but you're hot so its okay
ireallylikewomen 0
i bet half the reason you got 9 thumbs up is just that your pretty haha
volley4eva1698 0
trying to hit on her while kinda dissing her? thatll work out great...maybe it WAS sad her mom did that and that's why she got thumbed up..?