Today, I deliberately didn't tell my therapist half of what I was going through because I didn't want to depress her. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
JayCee500 tells us more.
I'm the OP. I posted this after my last session with my therapist--I'd realized that this particular person wasn't working for me because I didn't really connect with her to an extent where I'd be able to tell her all my problems. This is the first time I'm seeking therapy, and from what people have said, it sometimes takes a while to find someone you are truly comfortable with. Just to be clear--I don't think that my particular problems are at all special, and they aren't even that bad when compared with half the shit people I know go through. It was just getting to the point where I was deliberately excluding things that had happened to me/that I felt because I considered them too "pathetic" to share. You can probably guess that one of my problems is that I care way too much about how other people perceive me.
Today, an attractive man hit on me for the first time since I ended my 3-year relationship with my cheating ex. Then the man told me he'd just gotten out of prison last week. FML
Anticlimactic
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML
Support system
Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML
Today, I told my friend I'm going vegetarian. He's now calling me "Reek" after the guy from Game of Thrones, because I'm apparently a "dickless loser" now. FML
Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML
Love is…
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, I had a job interview that I was quite nervous about. During the interview, I struggled to get my words out and the interviewer angrily told me to, "Get on with it." I continued to struggle and was later kicked out for wasting their time. I have a stutter. FML
abcdefghijkl1233 tells us more.
Thank you for those of you who left kind comments, those of you who left comments of the other kind probably don't understand. I didn't fully expect my stutter to get in the way of the interview so much, but combined with my nervousness it gradually got worse throughout. After the way I was treated I realised it wasn't a place I would want to be at so I left without a fight. Also I'd like to thank you for the help methods some of you said, I've been trying to improve it and I'm definitely going to try them, thanks again :) In the future I will inform them beforehand! #8 Aha, good ol' game of Pictionary, never fails to start arguments!
Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML
Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML
Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML
Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML
Today, my mother-in-law got her driver's license, despite being prone to fainting, seizures, and being on so much medication that she sometimes forgets where she is. She now wants to drive us to all our family functions, and my father-in-law won't object because he doesn't want to damage her self-esteem. FML
PhoenixChick tells us more.
PhoenixChick 26
Hey, OP here! You know, this might be a comment thread that saves lives. I had already decided to put my foot down on me or my husband ever riding with MIL, but...I hadn't thought about everyone else. And now I have. I do not live with my in-laws, but we live in the same town and I cannot drive at night so it gets awkward to refuse their offers when my husband can't take me somewhere. Funny thing is, there is no legal restrictions on my driving,the DMV keeps insisting I'm fine, but I know that my contacts and retinal disease give me issues with headlights and therefore I shouldn't. I'm fine during the day, but stay off the road at night. I'm careful because my eye disease is from my father, who kept driving at night when he shouldn't. Nearly killed himself in an accident. I know who my MIL's doctor is, and I'm going to call his office. She MUST have lied to the DMV, and I think it'll be easier to talk to her doctor than to the DMV. I just have to brace myself for if she finds out. Thank you all for the help. My in-laws are rather good at manipulation. I've known them for ten years, and they use MIL's medical issues to overrule literally everything. She has serious psych issues, and FIL is very protective of her feelings. To the point of letting her lie to my husband's doctors when he was in the ER because it made MIL "feel useful" to tell the doctor's things about my husband's health. She was making up all kinds of things about my husband's condition when he went in for emergency surgery, and when I corrected her I got yelled at by my father in law for making MIL "feel bad." Nevermind that her lies to the operating surgeon could have gotten my husband seriously hurt or killed. So yeah, this ends now. I'm not going to let her hurt anybody else if I csn help it. Wish me luck, I've got a fight on my hands...
Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML
Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML
Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML
Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML
Today, I got my wedding photos back from my sister, a "professional" photographer who offered to do our wedding as a gift. It turns out that not only did she not catch most of the ceremony or reception, but all of the outdoor photos feature a large garbage bag in the background. FML
Dreamcatcher1229 tells us more.
That's fair. The back story is that I said yes to her offer because her other work is actually quite good. Her other wedding photos for previous instances looked beautiful, and that's how I assumed mine would turn out. I take responsibility, my husband and I shouldn't have assumed anything. I found out after the wedding that she doesn't like him much to begin with, soooooo I guess putting two and two together I can reasonably say that her distaste has something to do with the shotty and neglectful work. To answer a previous question here, forgive me for not answering the asker directly, the shots we ened up with for the ceremony itself were one of the first kiss, one of our intro as a married couple, and several blurred shots of mostly the audience with a hint of ceremony at the background. She did get my brother walking me down, but not of the beidesmaids and groomsmen. And mind you, she and I DID discuss in advance what events and who in the party we wanted pictured, as well as my request to catch as much of the reception as possible. We had a lot of friends and family travel from far away, and I had asked for more pictures of everyone together, mingling, and enjoying themselves. And thank you to whomever suggested we retouch some of the pictures, we've actually been working on that project and it's going well so far. So all in all I'd like to say that while I was disappointed in the outcome and the sad realization that my sister and I don't have the best of relationships, My husband and I are happy regardless and, thanks to other guests, still ended up with some good pictures. Also, a friend filmed the ceremony itself from beginning to end, so we're going to try to get some stills from that. This is a good lesson in perspective, I guess. Yeah, the situation ended in an FML for one particular detail, albeit an important one, but hey, at least my husband didn't bail out at the altar, or I didn't throw up or something. :-P Okay, sorry for that novel. lol Carry on!
Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML
rapunzel3416 tells us more.
rapunzel3416 28
Yay I'm the OP I'm happy this got posted. I'm 22 and coach girls volleyball. A volunteer basketball coach didn't recognize me and thought I was a student. This happens when we go to away games too. The coaches of the other teams will tell me to leave until my coach is here and even some high school students think I'm on the team. I think it's pretty funny and am glad I still look young.
Today, I was teaching my two year-old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML
The long walk
Today, there was a huge storm. There were no buses, so I walked for an hour to see my boyfriend of two years, who (usually rather the unemotionally type) had called me, crying. When I got there soaking wet, he told me that he doesn't love me anymore, and it makes him sad. I had to walk back. FML
Hi-de-hi
Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML
Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Tiptony Buskertano
Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML
Today, I broke my collarbone in a rugby tournament. I was forced to sit through five more hours of games because the coach wouldn't take me to the hospital until the tournament was over. FML