Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was reluctantly driving to work on a Sunday, some guy in a shiny Audi threw a plastic root beer bottle full of urine at my old Toyota. He didn’t even bother to put on the cap on, like a gentleman would. FML
Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML
Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML
Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML
Today, a homeless man asked me for money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on my head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML
Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
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Top comments
ColdplaySucks 18
I bet he really pissed you off.
igese 11
That's a great example of a win-lose situation
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Comments (109)
ColdplaySucks 18
I bet he really pissed you off.
erockinthesuburb 17
Try a LITTLE harder with your puns next time. Until then, DOWNVOTED!
friedpwnadge 25
You should have gone over and beat the piss out of him.
lilhellian 27
18, It looks upvoted to me.
kaynorr 9
Oh boy URINE trouble its going to PEE some hard work to scrub that outta your seats.
then000bster 16
When I read the Fml all I could think of was, "how the F does a cricket get onto fml and why do they have to go through training?"... Then I realized she meant the sport.
jonha21 11
Buy him a beer next time full a Piss to make up :)
Llama_Face89 34
64- may as well just give him a Bud at that point.
bbpgrs 7
excused, that pun had to be made evantually
igese 11
That's a great example of a win-lose situation
hashshim 23
Why was OP training crickets in the first place.
Alihb 16
no, its lose-lose. either get soaked in piss, or get your car soaked in piss
Alihb 16
48 please tell me youre a troll
ApologyKick 25
It could also be win-win depending on how you look at it. The OP didn't get hit by the piss bottle and the car window could have been up, which likely means the window would have been shattered as well as the car's interior being flooded with said homeless man's piss. That said, I cannot imagine having a bottle of piss thrown at you is pleasant.
Aleys_fml 21
Where is there a win in this?? You either get soaked in urine or your car does. Having you car soaked in urine can't be much better than having a smashed window!
DaniPandi 22
Win- didn't get soaked in piss. Lose- the car did.
Aleys_fml 21
so op still lost!
whiteboy896 9
Should have just took one for the team.
firefighter925 18
Jeez OP has some killer reflexes. Sucks about yout seats though
DyslexicPanda 12
Yes, because OP totally knew that it was going to fly into their car.. -_-
1217jonathan 15
He had a really pissy attitude
fuckedPriceless 17
Go Jarate! (Who gets the reference?)
kamareaux 24
Jarate!
gracehi 33
You'd think a homeless guy would be used to disappointment. Don't get mad. Just think about how that jackass will be sleeping alone the the gutter tonight.
bellydancer82 15
That's absolutely disgusting, sorry OP. I'd hate to be the person who has to clean that up... *cringe*
hama806 19
6- Agreed! Plus I would never feel the car was clean enough no matter how much I scrubbed after something like that! Oh hell no!
x_the_lancer_x 13
I don't understand why people have to be such dicks.
DocBastard 40
Why bother peeing in a bottle? When you're homeless, the entire world is your urinal. He must have been saving it for exactly this occasion. The next time you reject him, ask him to pee directly in your car window. At least that way you avoid the glass shards all over the seats.
erockinthesuburb 17
I should have done this while growing up. When I was turned down for a date, throw piss! That would've changed their mind about dating me.
dutch_girl13 20
#24- it wouldn't change their mind, they would just be more glad they said no
twitch851 9
#26 Thank god you came along! I had no idea why girls didn't like me when I pissed on their cars! I Finally Understand!
yawateverok 10
i dont kno how this will help but k
xCensored 10
Beware of the homeless!
juventis 16
Well that was very Matrix like, but would've been better if you had grabbed the bottle mid-air and chucked it back at him.
Zimmington 21
Although the idea is cool. Who would want to touch that bottle?