Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML
Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML
Today, at 1 a.m., I had my headphones on trying to watch porn. I live in an apartment with thin ass walls anyway, and I didn’t realize my headphone jack had come undone. The volume was terrible on the video so I raised it louder, not realizing it until like maybe halfway through the video, and my window was also open. FML
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML
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Top comments
xxbvbsusanxx 21
You really gotta watch it with those things..Try using just one..
yung_dubbs 9
Yeah I was just about to say... That's why you only wear one while doing that man. That's just stupid lol that's jack off 101
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Comments (115)
xxbvbsusanxx 21
You really gotta watch it with those things..Try using just one..
nchic01 17
or just use regular headphones
Blue_Black_fml 21
Or don't use them for watching ****..
grant_erict 2
#1earbud
fuckyourlifeOP 25
Or just stop watching **** completely. ....... said nobody ever!
Michiganfan4164 7
It makes an awful jerk off story and that sucks
hufflepuffle 13
I can't imagine there ever being a good jerk off story.
iLike2Teabag 27
What are you talking about? So many jerk of stories have a happy ending.
finnrambo 13
A lonely ending if it's not a circle/mutual jerk.
kost4060 14
Has there ever been a good ending Mom:hey I just found bobby jerking off Dad:it's about time he's interested in woman I thought he was gay or something Bobby:I'm never jerking off again
TheSwegMaster69 11
That is an incredibly homophobic situation Bobby has been placed in, shame on his parents.
iiMichy 19
But what if Bobby was thinking about boys?
yung_dubbs 9
Yeah I was just about to say... That's why you only wear one while doing that man. That's just stupid lol that's jack off 101
ahippienamedrae 10
Maybe wait until you know you'll actually be alone
ElricMustang 23
Well, his mom was out, he just didn't know yet and I guess he assumed she'd be home later since he didn't hear her come home.
niftyhasdelulz 12
He could have lost track of time too.
WingedLovely27 20
And that is why you lock the door! Hope your ma didn't get too much of an eyefull. YDI.
RedPillSucks 33
Not all room doors have locks
brenton490 19
It's okay, it's so small she didn't see really anything.
gaykid69 4
That's a pretty gay joke ******
USA1776 15
What kind I've been looking for noise canceling headphones
Leprekhaun 14
I've got Sony MDR-V6 Stereo Monitor headphones for a great price and they are wonderful! Flat eq since they are stereo monitor (useful for music production) and you can download audio drivers to turn up the bass on your computer or adjust whatever you want.
DeadPixel4 29
I'm selling sony MDR-X10s for only forty, they're awesome but I need money
lifein2014 13
Surprise muthafucker
1tsmenoah 20
More like surprise, mother
omnia 5
More like surprise ******, mother!
jsp16 24
Jack Patillo?
KittehFreak 25
Well, considering they cancel noise, and you obviously DIDN'T want to be found doing the do, you probably shouldn't have been using noise-canceling headphones. FYL anyway though.
llamarrama01 21
No. ******* Hand.
Corvo_Attano 12
Locks are a very nice thing to use when beating your shaft
Awesomeaxel 24
dishonored is my favorite game. your pic and name are the greatest!!
doodlecloud 27
If you have them. We don't have locks on any doors in our house and of the people I know who DO have locks, it's only on the bathroom door.
KingAdrock 16
My current bedroom door didn't have a lock either. So I added one. You can get a simple hook and eye lock at any hardware store for a dollar. OP still deserves it.