Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML
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Top comments
leearm104 4
that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. youre definitely a virgin if you think you could confuse pussy with a hole in a mattress.
smdrager 0
We can't all be good... practice makes perfect.
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Comments (115)
green_199 0
Sleep with his best friend.
deadkenn8 0
you deserve it for eating at applebees.
Danger716 0
^ Win
BauerMegan 31
Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.
lpaul49 0
Shit on his chest.
Jimboom 12
Tell him that he put it in the wrong hole or "that wasn't my you were *******. It was a hole in the mattress.. I just didn't want to embarrass you by telling you during sex"
leearm104 4
that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. youre definitely a virgin if you think you could confuse pussy with a hole in a mattress.
buckstop1 37
Geez take a joke. I don't think #3 was being serious.
bitchh_fml 0
What the ****. I agree with the first poster. Sleep with his best friend.
smdrager 0
We can't all be good... practice makes perfect.
bigcrazymike 6
It's not always good for guys. That's a common misconception. What's the big deal? At least he was honest.
Gawain_fml 0
Haha....you know, you'd probably be a better **** if you got a sense of humor. Bet he was joking.
vyktor_fml 0
That's what I was thinking. I think if we knew the rest of this conversation, this wouldn't be an FML.
formosababie 0
LOL what the **** number 2 hahahah
Syffer 0
#7: that's what I was thinking. That's exactly the kind of joke i'd do :D Of course I'd say it with a tone that implies I'm kidding, and I don't know how that guy said it.
super_sooshi 0
Did you leave him with the bill for the food?