The Top

Yay! My second published FML! Anyway, I'm not entirely sure if the woman was running on all cylinders. Nevertheless, it's worthy of a good laugh, enough to the point of straining my sides from laughing so hard. It made my day. Love the puns, y'all. Don't let 'em fall through the holes of life!

By notcountry! - 27/06/2019 02:30

Today, even though my mom’s only ever been to the south once, she’s completely obsessed with talking with a bad, overly exaggerated southern accent. Not to mention constantly prattling off random nonsensical country phrases. We’re from and still live in California, nowhere near any country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 179

Tipping point

By stupid - 28/05/2022 06:00

Today, after eating out, my mother asked me to figure out 20 percent of the bill whilst staring daggers at me. I have never been good at math under pressure and especially not percentages, so I told her as such. She called me a complete idiot, to which my father simply said, “I agree.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 409

By QueenCortana Tiffany Turner - 04/07/2019 02:00

Today, my toddler shat on her carpet again. She also decided to play in it. This is the third time in a month. She's fully potty trained, and thinks it’s funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 344

By cheesylad - 09/06/2017 22:00 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, I was alone in the car with my crush. For reasons I will never understand, I put on the song 'Kiss a Girl' by Keith Urban. I could feel her cringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 158

You deserved it 1 401

Cheer up sleepy dreams

By dead - 31/03/2021 23:00

Today, it’s been 6 months at my job and I still can’t get used to the morning shift. Even with a changed diet, exercise, meditation, and no caffeine after noon, I'm averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night. My body will always choose sleep deprivation over falling asleep at a reasonable time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 153

By Jill - 07/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 1 704

By Anonymous - 19/08/2019 06:01

Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 238

Coincidence?

By how many?! - 22/08/2019 00:01

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 510

You deserved it 184

Boundaries

By walking away - 11/07/2022 04:00

Today, my soon-to-be ex doesn’t understand why I get so pissed that he has to consult his ex-wife over every little thing we do, including needing her blessing for us to get engaged. It’s none of her damn business, yet he insists he’s merely trying to not hurt her feelings. Fuck him and her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 266

My Drug Buddy

By Anonymous - 20/05/2021 00:01 - United States - Shingletown

Today, my husband left me for a girl who seems to have a mental age of 12, because she'll smoke meth with him, and I won't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 122

Happy anniversary!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 235

Gimme a crumb

By Anonymous - 07/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Manlius

Today, my dad informed me that my mother's 100k life insurance policy was being processed perfectly, for him. I rent a falling apart mobile home and work 3 jobs to get by. He owns outright and already gets all her pension benefits, etc. I am receiving nothing as inheritance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 223

Overly attached girlfriend flashback

By girlonthe19thfloor - 03/09/2022 23:30

Today, my boyfriend got hired as a customer service agent at an airline. I'm full of anxiety ever since, because he has a cheating past. I then find out he has to fly out to Texas for two weeks training, and to top it off its all girls in his team. I don't want him to wanna go join them for city exploring, or food and drinks. He’s mad at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 2 252

Pleasant smell

By Anonymous - 10/12/2019 01:00

Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 197

It's just me

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 01:00

Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 342

Mystery Girl

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 00:01

Today, I found out that my girlfriend actually broke up with me a week ago. Apparently, she thought it wasn't necessary to tell me, she just assumed I'd figure it out on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 176

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 31/01/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was forced to come in to work early in the morning. For me, that means I will have a pounding migraine, vomiting, and diarrhea for at least the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 289

To each their own

By Geemee - 21/08/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, a guy I was into and who denied me because he “saw me as a friend only” began to date another girl. I asked him, “Why her and not me?” and he wouldn’t tell me. After pestering him, he finally caved in, saying, “Fine, plus sized girls are not my thing. Happy now?” So in other words, I have to lose weight to find love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 1 029

It's a doggy dog world

By Stephon - 04/08/2021 02:01

Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 258

Anxious

By James - 16/04/2020 08:00

Today, I began worrying I have social anxiety, all because while getting dressed I convinced myself that everyone would talk about me behind my back if I wore a striped shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 381

Money first

By Anonymus - 31/01/2020 20:00 - Canada - Warkworth

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 337

Wow thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 23:00

Today, I learned from my father that all I had to do was eat right and exercise and I would be bipolar free. Gee, why hadn't I thought of that yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 199

Disillusioned

By Anonymous - 10/11/2022 04:00

Today, it's six months until I graduate and I don't have a single skill that can get me placed in any company, but worst part is that I don't even want to work to acquire any skill. I'm fucking useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 874

Baby daddy

By Unculturedsimp - 19/05/2020 17:00

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I got her pregnant and didn't own up to it. I wouldn't have blamed her if it didn't actually happen in her dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 153

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 100

You deserved it 13 865

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 844

You deserved it 4 924

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 426

You deserved it 3 386

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 272

You deserved it 23 296

Today, the toilet in the IT department basement broke and flooded the room with a foot of water. In the process, it destroyed a $7000 server and an equally expensive power supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 293

You deserved it 361

Today, my dad continues to make jokes about the rude things he does to avoid dealing with people who try to point out that he's seriously a massive douchebag, and is overall just unpleasant to be around. I have no idea why my mom married this man and had three children with him, let alone why they're still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 126