Today, while dropping my son off at the bus stop before school, I went to give him a kiss on the cheek. Then, before I was able to make contact, he jumped away, yelled "PSYCH!!!!" as loud as he could, and jumped on the bus. The kids all laughed at me and the other parents looked embarrassed for me. FML
Today, I made my school's soccer team. I told the coach that since I have diabetes, I might need to sit out occasionally. He promptly erased my name and said he didn't accept "slackers." FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years suggested I don’t display affection or try to hold his hand at a party because a girl there “recently got broken up with” and he doesn’t wanna “hurt her feelings.” When I replied that this was irrational, he told me, “Then don’t come at all stupid bitch, geez!” FML
Today, when I realized I'd forgot rice on the stove, I jumped off my chair and pulled off my headphones really fast. Now I've got burnt rice and broken headphones. FML
Today, I scrambled to get out of work on the dot to go to a special pharmacy that closes at 5 pm an hour away. I arrived at 4:58. Upon reaching the door, one of the employees came and locked it in my face. Apparently, her going home early was more important than me getting my medication. FML
Today, I had to call out of work due to my house flooding. As if that wasn't bad enough, my boss promptly accused me of lying because "the others from your town made it in today." I didn't realize we all lived together. FML
MidnightMusic53 tells us more.
Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a festival. The very first thing we saw when we got there was a guy being wheeled away by paramedics. She freaked out and demanded we leave. FML
Today, my mom texted me to let me know that my wife and I are no longer allowed to visit her house together, because she doesn’t want it to appear like she’s OK with queer relationships, but she’s OK if we visit one at a time because she still wants to see our son. FML
Today, in the spirit of being helpful, I accidentally convinced the girl I'm secretly in love with to stay with her boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend can't swim and we are about to go on a romantic holiday to Zanzibar where all our excursions include water-based activities. His solution is that I just go do them all by myself. FML
Today, I phoned my ex, who I only broke up with a week ago. I then told her about the song I'd written about her. I have written a song, but it's shite and I would die of embarrassment if I ever had to play it to her. I’ll have to play it to her and confess my simpy, wet ways. FML
Today, I had to get an EKG device attached for a 24-hour test. Not too bad, but I have to wear a string vest over it, and every time I move, it chafes something crazy. My nipples in particular. Only 22 hours to go. FML
Today, I went to Men's Warehouse to pick up my tux. They mistakenly set the pick-up date for the 30th of next month. My prom is tomorrow. FML
Today, I broke my key unlocking my dorm room. When I pushed the door open in frustration, the door opened with no problem. Turns out it was unlocked. FML
Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML
Today, being a broke college student struggling to make ends meet, I decided to sign up for a sugar daddy website. The first person to message me was my high school history teacher. FML
If you're on vacation, you'll be wondering if your diving skills are up to scratch. Check out the competition in this video.
Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML
Today, during a football match, the referee declared a goal as invalid. The dad of the kid who scored didn't agree, which led to an all-out fight among all the kids' parents. FML
Today, I had a job interview. After two hours of commute, thirty minutes filling out questionnaires, and fifteen minutes of actual interview, the recruiter told me the post had already been filled. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she’s visiting her male friend for her birthday. I told her I’m fine with it, but I'm really not. She’s going to spend a few days with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend spent half his paycheck on gourmet steaks, bacon, and all sorts of other meat. When I reminded him we were trying to go meatless to help the planet, he said, "Yeah, I'm done with that. The planet can burn." We'd only been vegan three days. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he dated me was because he was lonely, and I looked lonely enough to like him. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We're in the middle of nowhere and have a 4-hour drive home. FML
Today, I have a horrible hangover. My mom also decided it was a good day to go hiking. I ended up puking on the trail. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for fighting with my younger brother. Not because she wanted us to stop, but because my brother couldn't find a good comeback to my argument. FML
Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML
Today, I came home from putting my 18 year-old cat to sleep to find 3 months worth of prescription food, medication and cat litter on my porch. It isn't returnable. FML
Today, I tried to prank my brother with the butter floor prank after coming back from work. As a result, my brother stepped out of ER with an arm cast, stitches on his head and a neck collar. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
