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By Anonymous - 16/10/2017 01:30

Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 921

You deserved it 482

Go Team!

By Gayer men’s team - 02/11/2017 04:00

Today, I was sexting my girlfriend when I accidentally sent one to my swim team’s group chat. This means that 19 men got a picture of me flexing with everything on display. Worst part? I got more compliments from them than I ever got from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 1 424

By Juanald - 05/11/2017 05:00

Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 386

Thanks for that, dad!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 509

You deserved it 260

Some pain, no gain

By Charity Taylor - 18/10/2019 22:00

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 154

She's ready for Valentine's Day!

By dasdachs - 12/02/2018 11:14 - Slovenia

Today, while cleaning, I found a grocery bag with thongs in it. I took them out, smiled and jokingly asked my wife, who never wears them, if she's keeping secrets from me. Turns out she isn't and the bag is not hers. It's belongs to my 76-year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 127

You deserved it 792

Mega creep

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 18:00

Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 295

You deserved it 223

Criminal minds at their best

By loz4151336 - 03/03/2020 12:06

Today, my friends wanted to try to dine and dash at a McDonald's. I had to explain why that wouldn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 222

By Coffee - 06/08/2018 16:30

Today, I went to Starbucks to get my free birthday coffee and due to a mistake I received two. Thinking it was my lucky day, I hurried off to work. As I was walking in, I tripped and spilt one coffee all over my new dress. Then I walked into a door and spilt the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 898

You deserved it 1 125

You're so vain, you probably think this FML is about you

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 20:06

Today, my daughter is so selfish, she did her makeup in her hospital room so she could take a selfie with her newborn son in the background BEFORE she had even held him for the first time. Yes, BEFORE. My grandson spent his first hour of life waiting for his mom to be ready for a photo op. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 495

You deserved it 354

By Fooled Wife - 14/09/2018 14:30

Today, my husband was arrested on 2 felony charges in a sting. We've been married 5.5 years, had almost enough money for a down payment on a house, were trying to get pregnant, and had a non-refundable trip to London planned. We are now broke and on the verge of divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 659

You deserved it 294

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By fml9124 - 28/07/2020 20:00

Today, my wife filed for divorce. Last month, she was diagnosed with stage 4, terminal, inoperable cancer. We got a second (confirmed) opinion. She has maybe six months left. She told me she doesn't want to spend her last remaining days on this earth with me. Our 33rd anniversary was in May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 226

By whosurdaddy - 06/01/2017 06:44

Today, I'm attending a party where drunken women just can't seem to keep their clothes on. Those drunken women are my daughters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 1 457

Policy of truth

By Lelsy - 08/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend’s family. His mother gave me expensive diamond earrings and treated us to brunch. I don’t know how I’m gonna have the heart to tell him that I’ve accidentally gotten pregnant from someone else I’ve been seeing. I can’t tell him it’s his because we haven’t slept together yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 2 058

Baby brain

By Mike - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, we had two-year wedding anniversary. A few months ago, I insisted on going to a therapist because my wife can only think and talk about our one-year kid. My present for her was a Spa day, flowers and chocolate. Her gift to me was a Lego set to build for our kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 328

You deserved it 541

The Force is weak with this one

By fuck Star Wars - 14/09/2020 10:02

Today, I sat through 9 gruelling hours of Star Wars with my boyfriend. I hate those movies with a passion and frankly would rather get a pap smear from Wolverine than watch them. Afterwards, he dumped me for yawning, saying that I didn’t take a “serious” interest in his favorite things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 1 206

By Lexy - 10/11/2018 12:00

Today, I saw my boyfriend coming up the walkway to our home. When I opened the door to greet him with a huge smile on my face, he scowled at me and angrily said, "I don't know why you have to do that!" Smile gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 132

You deserved it 447

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 23:01

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 3 301

Phone holder

By my arms hurt - 25/11/2019 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 1 900

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 187

You deserved it 561

By BigDreamer - 09/02/2019 02:00

Today, I had a dream where I was imagining myself hooking up with a really hot girl. Not a sex dream. A dream where I was sitting in a room alone and imagining myself hooking up with this really hot girl. Even in my dreams I can only imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 283

By Ali - 05/03/2017 18:00 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my father cut my hair for the first time. Now, I always have to wear a cap when I go outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 536

You deserved it 884

By Questions - 12/05/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 588

You deserved it 534

Make up your mind

By lifeofamusicteacher - 08/12/2016 01:22 - Hong Kong

Today, I got yelled at by parents of one of my students because their child didn't perform well at their Winter Concert. These are the same parents who told me months ago that I needed to be more lenient by allowing their kids to skip rehearsals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 251

You deserved it 593

Ambien nights

By Sleepless Dreams - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 475

You deserved it 752

By itsme - 08/07/2019 04:00

Today, we got a letter regarding my sister's college career and an appointment she was required to go to. This seems fitting, since she's a senior in high school, or at least she would be if she hadn't passed away a little over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 900

You deserved it 124

By Drunkactor - 03/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because of my drinking problem. The reason he thinks I have a drinking problem? I was in a play he saw, in which I played a drunk person. I've been completely sober my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 118

By YaytoSeniorYear - 05/09/2017 20:00

Today, my roommate revealed that she's dating my ex. I later had to navigate around them caressing each other just to grab my noodles from the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 843

You deserved it 298

By semischweet - 01/09/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I learned why you should never to use Sean Connery's voice when asking your girlfriend to sit on your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 2 032

How not to raise 'em right

By cammy - 08/05/2021 05:59

Today, I learned that my 13 year-old daughter has been wearing the same pad for a week “because there’s no blood on it.” When I told her that it's still disgusting, she tried to defend herself be saying that, "no one ever told her how long she could wear it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 2 912

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The Top

Today, I went in to take my College Placement tests. I'd spent all week ignoring actual homework to study for these tests. When I got there, the responsible told me that the tests were last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 2 118

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 576

You deserved it 12 692

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 517

You deserved it 4 943

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 974

You deserved it 6 331

Today, my son asked me, "If it’s so easy to tear meats like raw chicken breast and beef steak apart with your hands, doesn’t that mean it’s just as easy to tear human flesh apart, even if they’re still alive?" This right here is why I send him to therapy twice a week, but it’s not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 162

Today, after months and months of trying to get my blood pressure back up to normal, and try to get back to optimal health, my doctor told me I'll never get better for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 68