Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Today, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe pregnancy brain. I was making my husband's lunch to take to work. I realised shortly after he left that I'd used dish soap instead of BBQ sauce for his sandwich. He has to turn his phone off for work, so I have no way to warn him. FML
Today, my wife got me back for hiding a realistic tarantula replica in her underwear drawer. She ground up hot peppers and horseradish and shoved it in my mouth while I slept. I woke up screaming in pain and went to the hospital before she confessed. FML
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Top comments
Allie614032 34
Tell her that if she wants to ever have more kids, she should aim elsewhere.
RichardPencil 32
You got off easy this time — it was just the remote. Screw up again and you’ll get the whole TV thrown at your junk!
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Comments (13)
RichardPencil 32
You got off easy this time — it was just the remote. Screw up again and you’ll get the whole TV thrown at your junk!
Glowworm56 27
Does she make a sandwich out of the apricot jam and sage and onion stuffing?
Allie614032 34
Tell her that if she wants to ever have more kids, she should aim elsewhere.
Dave_Davington 34
In all likelihood, she'll just reach for something heavier and/or sharper.
my2centsworth 15
If she continues to react in this manner, you won't have to worry about a second pregnancy.
articwolf2 17
Hey look at the bright side; you got to use them before they went pop!
corky1992 33
As a former pregnant woman we take our cravings to heart. Our emotions and hormones are pretty intense and it can be devastating not getting our cravings. With that being said though, I never got violent when I didn’t get it. That’s a bit extreme. I’ll admit I did get pissed a few times, but never violent.
Lobby_Bee 18
Happy wife, happy life. That's your life motto now.
Jenjenjenjenjen 7
Sorry to get serious here but this is abuse. The fact that she is a women or pregnant doesn’t matter. Look for controlling behavior. While you can’t change her, you can tell her that you will not put up with abuse and you will leave if she is abusive and just put your efforts into taking care of your child. I am so sorry OP.
thatslifeiguess7 16
First pregnancy? No really I was on bed rest and never understood women do THIS bullshit
Talis99 26
Women don't get to use PMS and pregnancy for assault.