Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I applied to live in a barn. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML
Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
Today, as my new boyfriend was taking me home from our first date, a family of ducks walked across the road. I yelled at him to stop, but he ran over every single one of them. His logic? “They shouldn’t have been in the way,” and it was “natural selection anyway for them being so stupid.” FML
Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking near a pond when we saw a drake forcefully mating with a duck. She burst into tears and demanded I stop them. When I told her no, that it’s just nature and thats how they breed, she dumped me for supporting and "enabling rape." FML
Today, I stopped at a park because a duck was following me. I assumed it wanted food, so I gave it a small piece of bread. It followed me to my car, waited beside the door, and then followed me across the parking lot. I may have accidentally adopted a duck. FML
Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML
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Top comments
interesting33 37
I have to ask, did you do the research on how to look after them and what they would be like? it sounds like a sweet present but you need to make sure you both agreed and know about the living conditions
BurnInDemonFire 39
Hey, if Joey and Chandler made it work with their duck, and chicken, you can make it work, too. Also, if it's not red, it's not a barn.
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Comments (23)
interesting33 37
I have to ask, did you do the research on how to look after them and what they would be like? it sounds like a sweet present but you need to make sure you both agreed and know about the living conditions
boopingsnoot 25
Well, they DO have a barn...
BurnInDemonFire 39
Hey, if Joey and Chandler made it work with their duck, and chicken, you can make it work, too. Also, if it's not red, it's not a barn.
RichardPencil 32
You ought to buy stuff to make the barn comfortable and then send her... ...wait on it... ...the bill.
BurnInDemonFire 39
There are aliens on planets trillions of light years away, that haven't even been born, yet, and they just groaned at this.
interesting33 37
oh my gosh that is a brilliant comeback
bluhbluhbluh 14
You guys should make a baby.
real life problems 26
During practice sex?!
wanted_2_want 40
Duuude! Do you need it spelled out?? She’s kicking you to the ... barn.
Davros 12
I'd put them to work at the nearest blues bar.......oh wait, nvm.
LadyRen 20
Maybe you can train them to use a little box like cats? (I know not the same species, but it can’t hurt to try)
d3rpb0t 10
Unfortunately, not really. They can't hold it like other animals can, so diapers are a must.
ViviMage 40
Why would a bird for the most part ever want to hold waste in when they need to be light enough to fly? Ostriches kinda have a bladder, but most birds don't hold it. You can train a parrot but it won't wait forever either.
acmariner99 25
This is when I make roasted duck
engineerosaurus 26
Grow a pair and tell her that either they live outside or she does.
TxKitten79 10
This is almost exactly what I came here to say. "Grow a pair and put your foot down." Gross and unacceptable to have shot all over the house and in the bed.
GamerChickxoxo 16
Give her the gift shes asking for, 2 nicely roasted ducks.