Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, my dog woke me up with the sound of vomiting. I immediately got up and tried to figure out what he was doing. After 30 minutes, he didn’t vomit, just kept making the sounds. I banished him from my presence for some more shuteye. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML
Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML
Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML
Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
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Top comments
tarabella 7
No! No! Bad human! Bad! Never ever talk about something like this to innocent strangers! Bad!
BurnInDemonFire 39
This is why my pets sleep in their own beds elsewhere in the house. They're cute, but they don't always make it out to the back yard in time.
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Comments (13)
BurnInDemonFire 39
This is why my pets sleep in their own beds elsewhere in the house. They're cute, but they don't always make it out to the back yard in time.
rjdr 7
Dogs are pack animals and don’t thrive unless they sleep in a pack with their alpha. They don’t need to sleep in the bed, but not allowing them in the room is a douchebag move.
Virids 13
You couldn't be more wrong, we've owned many dogs and if you don't take them to your bedroom to sleep they don't feel the need to do so. Never had this problem with any of the dogs we've owned, they always slept in their own bed or wherever else they desired downstairs.
RichardPencil 32
Your dog vomited on your face? Perhaps you ought to wear make-up to bed?
Phillycheeze 20
So you're a swallower and not a spitter.....
tarabella 7
No! No! Bad human! Bad! Never ever talk about something like this to innocent strangers! Bad!
TheSminty1 17
Breakfast in bed and you're complaining?
swervelol 28
ah man I almost forgot why I'm not supposed to eat and read FML
Charlie Given 28
😱😰😵😲🤢😟 yup that about covers it
Santorini Lawrencia 19
You life really do suck. Yuck!!!!!!
FMLMaximus 23
this almost made me vomit. gross. fyl.
Felice Godin 19
this why i dont like dogs sleeping with me