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By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 23:59 - United States - Eugene

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 024

You deserved it 5 936

What a treat

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Sainte Genevieve

Today, I asked if my friend wanted to come meet my dog and give him a treat. We were walking to my back yard, her holding 3 hot dogs, when she said, "I think your dog is dead!" I said, "No, he's just old and sleeps all the time and won't wake up until you pet him because he's deaf." He was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 701

You deserved it 668

Online shopping strikes again

By Anonymous - 05/03/2017 20:00

Today, after saving up for a beautiful new dress to wear to my partner's 30th birthday party, it finally arrived in the post. I tried the dress on and the stitching instantly ripped, leaving two big holes in it. Turns out I'm no longer a size 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 823

You deserved it 2 057

Worth a shot

By oopsydaisy - 07/03/2017 18:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 906

You deserved it 654

That's the rule

By whatdidido - 07/05/2019 00:05 - United States - Conover

Today, I was messaging a girl on a dating app. Things were going well so I thought I'd ask her to meet. She had listed hiking as an interest 3 times on her profile so I suggested we meet at a state park. She told me she doesn't hike on a first meet and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 924

You deserved it 729

By notagoodjoke - 25/12/2016 01:01 - United States - Vincentown

Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "Is the tiny one in your pants?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 795

You deserved it 2 256

By Anonymous - 21/06/2017 21:00 - Italy

Today, I wanted to cancel my internet contract. At the store, they told me I have to cancel by phone. On the phone, they tell me I have to do it via the internet. On the internet, it says they will have a customer support agent call me. Finally, he called me to tell me that the only way to cancel is to send a letter by post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 728

You deserved it 340

By Misspoopypants - 25/07/2017 05:00

Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 282

You deserved it 367

By gloomy - 15/08/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 847

You deserved it 837

Baby don't hurt me...

By whatislife1969 - 08/09/2017 10:00

Today, my friends got me a cake for my birthday. As I blew out the candles, they shoved my head into it and I was knocked out for 3 minutes before an ambulance took me to the hospital. I got a concussion from a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 634

You deserved it 276

Trickster

By Oxnar60 - 08/08/2016 18:19 - United States - Harwich

Today, I left my phone at work. After returning to the office to retrieve it, I noticed it was not on my desk as it usually is. I went to the front office and found it on the desk, unattended. When turning on my phone, I was greeted by my new lockscreen: a crap someone took in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 223

You deserved it 2 008

By SphereMaiden - 22/02/2018 01:30

Today, after ignoring me for about a week, my boyfriend finally broke up with me. Why? He discovered that I use prescription deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 794

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 19/06/2016 20:06 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I declared I was done with online dating after several disasters. My friend set me up with a friend of her husband's. Turns out he's one of the men who rejected me on the website. He laughed when he saw me and said, "Well, this is awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 644

You deserved it 995

By Jedi - 20/02/2009 06:16 - United States

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 369

You deserved it 2 751

By Rye - 19/02/2009 03:51 - United States

Today, I let my friend cut my hair and after a few minutes, she looked at what she had done and then she ran out of the room, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 860

You deserved it 17 180

By Dumped and pregnant - 01/05/2018 05:00

Today, my ex dumped me for his ex who'd cheated on him. Today, I also found out I'm pregnant. When I told him he said, "I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 799

You deserved it 559

Miss me yet?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2020 08:01

Today, after I kicked my boyfriend out, thinking the sudden separation would make him value our relationship more, I heard he's spent the last 3 weeks at his brother's constantly playing Xbox, hasn’t called me once, and now I’m hearing rumours he’s been taking other women home from sleazy bars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 3 018

By moerae - 03/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 966

You deserved it 652

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 439

You deserved it 1 407

By baguette - 02/09/2014 23:32 - Germany - Minden

Today, I've been living in Germany for several weeks now. My classmates still cannot pronounce my name: Clémence. Instead they call me, “Baguette.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 94

Small world, huh?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, I was talking to my best friend about how much of an asshole my ex-boyfriend is. After about 2 hours of non-stop bitching, it turns out she's actually dating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 534

You deserved it 1 610

By I wasn't being clingy geez - 23/10/2016 17:18 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 309

You deserved it 843

The "No phones" rule

By bossproblems - 17/10/2016 18:47 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out how my salesmen are "entertaining" themselves since they were told they can't have their phones on them. They're pulling straws to see who will pretend to trip and fall face-first onto the floor in front of customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 855

You deserved it 1 541

By philip708 - 27/08/2015 06:46 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 742

You deserved it 1 833

By ltwlty - 20/09/2016 07:07 - China - Beijing

Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 814

You deserved it 1 438

By Melting in Texas - 09/08/2016 18:56

Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 856

You deserved it 955

By Disappointed Mom - 31/07/2016 20:31 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 699

You deserved it 1 049

By samaris - 08/07/2016 21:19

Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 348

You deserved it 1 203

By mick - 29/04/2018 19:00

Today, on my and my wife's very first camping holiday, someone cut a hole in the tent wall while we slept and stole everything, including my keys and the car. Finally getting home, it seems the thieves got our address from the car's sat-nav and burgled the house as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 817

You deserved it 513

Maoism intensifies

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 02:00

Today, like every evening, our place is literally shaking with banging noises from the apartment below. Are they raising ponies down there? Wrecking the furniture? Taking out some walls? No, it's just my landlord's six-year-old. Playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 156

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The Top

Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 102

You deserved it 2 441

Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 767

You deserved it 5 847

Today, my second car overheated after having it for like 6 months. Right after getting a new job. It’s currently stuck on the side of the highway, and I have no money to get it towed or fixed. Every time I think things are gonna be okay, they aren’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 114

Today, I realized that the reason why my classmates from second grade may have thought of me so poorly was that I stupidly told all of them that I was a bedwetter and needed to wear pull-ups during the night. I feel like a fool now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 228

Today, I have a time sensitive package from another country that has been sitting in customs for a week. USPS tells me that it’s customs’ responsibility. Customs tells me they processed it and it’s USPS’s responsibility. I can’t fucking win, can I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 82

Today, I found myself trying to use AI to edit the only photo I have of the man who was the love of my life. I'd like to look into his eyes again and remember that feeling again… FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 195