Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML
Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML
Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML
Today, my boss tried to fire me for not emailing him a screenshot to prove my email wasn't working. FML
Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML
Today, I dropped my wallet and it fell into the perfectly sized hole in the storm drain. FML
Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML
Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor, even if you have a C-section. FML
Today, my roommate showed me what my girlfriend’s favorite position was. FML
Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML
Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, at my work at a charity shop, I reached into a new bag of donations only to pull out... used underwear. Thanks for your generosity. FML
indigohero tells us more.
indigohero 20
@22 Yeah that's exactly what I do now since this happened and @21 exactly. I swear some of the stuff people "donate" is ridiculous. It's clearly just stuff they couldn't be bothered to dispose of properly. One time, someone "donated" a small bag with a bundle of string and a rock in it (??) and another time someone had "donated" their old retainer..... just, why? And @16 it's true we get money for bags of rags and damaged clothing that we can't sell, but we don't actively ask for items like this - we ask for "good quality items", and while it's not so bad just throwing torn or worn clothes in a bag, it's kinda disgusting to have to sort through used underwear, stained baby clothes and dirty old socks, to name a few things. People donating clearly don't think through that an actual person has to sort through this stuff when they hand it over. Thankfully most of the stuff we get is fine though, there's just the odd few where you have to wonder what they were thinking. And generally I love working there, it's just nice to complain sometimes haha :)
Today, I thought I died in the shower. I was very intensely playing air guitar while simultaneously headbanging. I punched myself in the dick. FML
Today, I found out that "going for a meal and going out clubbing" for New Year's means me cooking for my mates and driving them to the pub. FML
Today, I learned that when I start University next month I will have to either pay $900 for an all-access semester-long parking pass, pay $200 for for a bus pass that takes an hour to get to campus, or pay $100 to park outside campus and walk 4 miles to and from class each day. FML
Today, I unexpectedly ran into my boss. Last week, I'd met with him every day, putting together a last-minute presentation of my research for him to deliver at conference overseas. It turns out that his passport had expired. FML
Today, while out to dinner with my adult daughter, I told her I look at her Twitter because it helped me to feel close to her since she rarely calls or visits. When I got home from dinner and looked at her Twitter, she had set it to private. FML
Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear, "If you go home with my son, make sure he wears a condom." FML
Today, my teacher called me "stupid and ignorant" for referring to myself as Asian. I'm from Pakistan. Pakistan is in Asia. FML
Today, I posted a blurb on Twitter about why I couldn’t watch tonight’s episode of my favorite show until 3 hours after it airs. Apparently, tonight’s episode had a plot twist 7 years in the making. Everyone spoiled it for me. FML
Adam Daniel tells us more.
Adam Daniel 20
It just had said “so and so replied to your Tweet” so I hit it and it was spoilers
Today, I sold my Christmas gift from my father on eBay as I'm so desperate for cash. It's also the day I got scammed by an eBay buyer. FML
naive_girl_fml tells us more.
OP here :) the gift was definitely thoughtless as it was an expensive fountain pen that I have zero use for unfortunately. I told my dad I loved it though...I got scammed because the buyer falsely claimed it was used when it arrived (HE used it). He then opened a case on eBay, sent me loads of aggressive email abuse, threatened legal action and requested my contact details from eBay (so now he has my phone number!). eBay ruled in his favour so I had to refund him... ? I sent the parcel tracked, used Paypal etc. That's the problem really - he is too protected he can just lie and keep the pen and the money!
Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML
Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML
Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness about pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML
Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
