Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML
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Top comments
PensiveCub 0
ummmm what the **** are coxj puppets? and in the shower? I'm lost.
PsychoMerk 0
haha, anal and **** in the same sentence... might as well write a steamy story ;)
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Comments (133)
tekinzdudez 0
first
chromeLegend 0
Apparently, you do. Anyways, what does anal retentive mean?
Jrook 0
I have a feeling that they mean sock puppets and thought this was mlia
Dalidax3 0
masturbation
Gumblebum100 0
ya know (I'm guessing) pretending your **** is a puppet and stuff...
ohSNAPyall 27
I was guessing that the OP meant shadow puppets using his ****, but everyone else is saying otherwise.
givants 0
yes, exactly, this is as bad of an FML as it could possibly get, I mean how could you rate it that she deserves it, but then again how could you say her life is ******
helo2 0
lmao agreed
mirkatsboss 0
what?
Tdoodle 0
Canada 18 Slovakia 0; FSlovakia'sL
paintballer1996 0
add snowboardinbeast on nimmbuz
ninja_ness 3
mmmm sounds to me that she's just mad because she doesn't have a dick to make **** puppets with. Jealous much
lmfao1643 3
^^^^^ Win
Pointy130 0
wait... WTF? what does this even mean?
YallGuysSuck 0
A **** puppet is when you use your **** to mold/twist it into different shapes (balls are usually involved as well) to make shapes such as the hamburger, the snail, the wristwatch, and the chicken! it takes practice and a lot of stretching of the penis! I saw it on an hbo special! lol!!
boots9491 0
I only came to this one because it said anal
majones 0
Gepetto is the **** puppeteer and Pinocchio and his "growing nose" is the **** being used as a puppet. hope that helps. :0)
tweetbaby14 18
lol **** puppets how do you make those?
puny74 0
42 neither do you
abbyelizabeth 9
You just had to use anal and ****-puppets in the same sentence didn't you.
PensiveCub 0
ummmm what the **** are coxj puppets? and in the shower? I'm lost.
elvgar 0
**** puppets? haha
iThink_fml 0
**** puppets?
quietlytearful 0
same. what the heck is a "**** puppet"??
ImRawrtastic 0
I wanna play wit one of thoose...
jamieeeee 0
hmmm. I could help you. haha
mmastermetallica 0
rawrtastic <-- win. always wanted to bang a hot goth like u, but they're so hard to find and rarely leave their natural habitat, (bedroom near the heavy metal posters) and I rarely trek through that region anymore
cyberotter 0
ignor them. though I agree with them a goth girl is hard to find. or in your case a hard goth is good to find lol
_WTF_BOOM_ 0
******
JenDanielle917 13
its like when you move your fingers around to make shadow figures, withh your cockk im guessing.
Astraea 0
who cares?
sb44480 0
second
PsychoMerk 0
haha, anal and **** in the same sentence... might as well write a steamy story ;)
Epicfailz01 0
what the deuce?
pipp360 0
I'm with u fir using the word anal!!!!!
shitbrix 0
anal more or less means to the point and I think I saw a special on cinemax on these "**** puppets"
purplemnm 9
what's a **** puppet? they sound fun... can I play with your **** puppet? o.o
farsidee 0
What the **** is a **** puppet
do20ss 4
yes #8 u can, in 5 yrs when u r old enuff
purplemnm 9
in 5 years I'll be 23...o.o
xXSc3n1cXx 0
nononono, its 0_o not o.o looks cooler.
purplemnm 9
oh sorry! 0_o
helo2 0
nice lmfao
oogyboogy 6
who else had to do that math in their head
ohSNAPyall 27
Where else would you do it?
Hello_Its_Julio 0
no not even the underscore makes you look stupid... 0.0 that's how you do it... or 0.o
The_Toxic_Mite 0
LOLWUT? How the **** did this get past moderation?!
chrisback5 0
XD
XR6Falcon 0
you are a **** puppet.... lmao at people who don't know what a **** puppet is.
zZPedobearZz 0
you sound like u know... tell us :D
WhatANoob 0
Question: does your boyfriend have a rubber penis
ScaryyMary 14
That's my best guess... Wanna try it? >:D
purplemnm 9
I bet yours looks like a little turtle
blademaster23 0
WTF!!