Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor, even if you have a C-section. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML
Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML
Dumping
Today, I found out that my breathing exercises I learned during pregnancy will not be for nothing after ending up having a C-section, because I'll apparently need them every time I relieve myself. FML
Today, during the birth of my first child, my epidural didn't work. FML
Bunged up
Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML
Rock and a hard place
Today, I found out my postpartum pain is indeed because of a cyst. No, my doctors can’t drain it and relive the pain because of scar tissue. And yes, it hurts around my lady bits and in my butthole, because the cyst wraps around everything. It’s either wait it out in extreme pain or surgery. FML
Double standards
Today, my husband was offered, and accepted, pain relief during an ultrasound on his scrotum, and I’m sat here remembering how I wasn’t offered any pain relief at all while birthing a 9lb baby, because I was left in the waiting room so long they told me it was too late for an epidural. FML
Looking forward to it
Today, I found out that my unborn son has an abnormally large head. I have an abnormally small and narrow pelvis, and I'm allergic to local anesthetic, so no epidural or spinal for me. FML
Today, at 6 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER in the middle of the night for severe abdominal pain, fearing an ectopic pregnancy. Turns out it was just a wayward turd. FML
Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Top comments
hopsinlove17 26
You just knew your baby was gonna be a pain in the ass(; all jokes aside, congrats op! Hope you get well soon.
hey_its_me_ 20
Aw. Hang in there OP. Congrats on the new baby though! Feel better!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (31)
casscass999 7
first conment
steelersfan501 17
That must seriously hurt OP, feel better!
hey_its_me_ 20
Aw. Hang in there OP. Congrats on the new baby though! Feel better!
NickSummerstan 6
poor choice of words
XxDanno316xX 27
The only poor choice of words came from you, 13. :)
mds9986 24
A bloody pain in the ass...
JKPwnage 27
Oof. Get well soon, OP, and congrats on the kid!
hopsinlove17 26
You just knew your baby was gonna be a pain in the ass(; all jokes aside, congrats op! Hope you get well soon.
mattzawesome 28
They say giving birth is the most painful experience for a human, coupled with hemorrhoids must be something else. Congrats on the baby! Get well soon.
tranced_ 45
I heard getting punched in the nuts was the most painful experience but I don't wanna find out :)
Bumlycar 13
They say being born is probably the most painful experience, not giving birth.
may14th 26
let's not start the giving birth vs kicked in the balls debate.
Lebush 27
I always heard being born is the most painful experience as well. Your body being squeezed every few min for hours as your head is pushed against the pelvis and your skull is crushed and moulded to fit through a canal approximately 10cm wide. Lucky we don't remember it. From women who have experienced both within a short time, kidney stones apparently out ranks labour. And cluster headaches AKA suicide headaches don't sound like a lot of fun either. But Complex Regional Pain Syndrome sounds like the worst. People say it feels like your bones are being crushed, which also sounds a little like being born, except the process of being born lasts for under 24 hours (generally and hopefully) and CRPS lasts for years.
smallandroid 26
Kidney stones are an absolute bitch to have, but I'd be surprised if that actually outranked giving birth to a child. Although kidney stone pains can last days or weeks, and labor (usually) lasts less than a day...
Izabushel 65
It depends on the person, and the labour and the kidney stone as well. I've had patients that have given birth naturally and have said that it wasn't any where near as bad as they thought it was going to be. There are a lot of variables in childbirth, a baby with head in the wrong position is going to cause a lot more back pain than a baby in the right position. I've had several women who have had kidney stones while pregnant, and they said they would give birth any day rather than have a kidney stone. At least with labour pains you are working towards something positive (hopefully) and they get a baby at the end, rather than a stone.
marcranger 29
37, you don't have to clean shit off a stone or listen to its wailing after you've passed it, so I'd gladly take the kidney stone!
militarybrat 21
It isnt! Especially according to the McGill Pain Index. The most painful thing is CRPS, and its continuous for the rest of your life.
tantanpanda 26
Correct me if I'm wrong, but women secrete oxytocin when they're in labor and it increases their emotions towards the child. This is probably why woman say kidney stones hurt more than child birth.
Mamba8460 6
I heard it was breaking a femur.
teazyfisher 15
wow, what a Christmas gift
Patriots21 14
The baby or the hemorrhoids?
pkypereira 11
This is true. My mom said it happened to her when she had me. -__-
Mathalamus 25
.... what? i am literally unable to process that.
emeraldisle 30
This same thing happened to my mum when she had me. She had a c-section and hemorrhoids from pushing too hard.
Metalslipp 15
C-section and pushing too hard?I'm pretty sure you're not pushing a baby out of your body during a c-section.
LibertyLife20 20
She could have tried having a vaginal birth, but had a c-section because labor was not progressing or the baby was in danger.
Metalslipp 15
Ah, that makes sense.
emeraldisle 30
Yeah I'm pretty sure my mum knows what's she's talking about when it comes to my birth. I wouldn't come out the normal way so she had to have a c-section.
Metalslipp 15
Excuse me, but you don't have to be rude. I didn't know.
Misswildsides 22
I know what you mean, 34 I read it wrong too and was questioning if she knew a vaginal birth and c-section are different.
militarybrat 21
Its still hard to poop after a csection too.
amc597 28
You still have to push even if you are going to have a c-section, the baby needs to get in the proper spot before they can cut it out.