Today, I mailed out a college application that is going to another country. I paid $250 for the application and $11 for shipping. I just realized that I forgot to sign the bottom of the application. FML
Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML
Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explainable stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML
Today, I took my car into the mechanic to have two tires and battery put in, all new. I later got a call saying they tried to start my car on the dead battery, which sparked and started a fire. It's gonna take two weeks to get the parts and it's minus 30 outside. FML
Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and said, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker." I don't get paid enough for this. FML
Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML
Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML
Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me, "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML
Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML
Today, I spent nearly an hour thawing out my car and driving to work in this stupid freezing rain, only to find out that I'm now unemployed due to budget cuts. FML
Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML
Today, MLK Jr. Day, I was told that since my other co workers are on vacation, I have to be at work Today. No one else is at work Today...or on any other holiday. Also I am the only black person at my office. The irony, FML
Today, I biked to the store to buy a new lock, since biking is my only form of transportation. I left my bike unattended for the last time, only to come back with a new chain, but no bike. FML
Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad's new girlfriend gave me a bar of soap, a sequin dress covered in her body odor, and a child-sized used Coach purse that smells like feet. She insists that I wear this outfit to their New Years Eve party. I gave them a bottle of expensive olive oil and a vinegar set. FML
Porkletmon tells us more.
OP here. I didn't create an account because I didn't think this would get posted. Thanks for making my day! I just wanted to clarify some things, especially about the olive oil and vinegar gift set. The father is Italian and appreciates a good bottle of vinegar and oil, I'm not talking about the regular kinds you can get at the supermarket, but olive oil that is cold pressed and infused with rosemary herbs, the vinegar is infused with dark espresso and they both gushed about it. Now, about the soap, it is not "fancy" or thoughtful, it was a square bar of soap (think Dial) in a Ziplock bag, the soap had no wrappings. Had I not notice the foul odor coming from the armpit area of the dress, I would have agreed that the dress probably just absorbed some of the smell from her house, but in this case, I highly doubt it. Also, the dress tag was put in through a thread loop, not through the fabrics, and the tag was already yellowed with stains. The Coach leather bag itself had a strong leather smell, but what I smelled was something resembling sweaty feet, the purse had dried white stains on it and parts of the leather was scratched up. Needless to say, you won't see me wearing any of those things on New Years Eve. Happy Holidays everyone!
Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML
Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML
Today, I walked up to my sister's car to give her some money I owed her. She refused to open the window and take back the money. After begging her to open the window, a passer-by mistook me for a beggar and gave me some loose change. FML
Marmarfarfar tells us more.
Marmarfarfar 25
I was so shocked and confused I kind of just froze and the person had already walked off before I could even process what happened! My sister was just laughing so hard the whole time. I did pay it forward though!
Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML
Today, as I was building furniture at work, I managed to get my fingernails ripped off and the tips mauled while cutting the wood for a nightstand. As my I was getting bandaged, one of my bosses looked at me and simply asked, "Why'd you stop working?" FML
acf1233 tells us more.
acf1233 16
Wow. I didn't expect this to get published like at all but hey I guess it's an upside to the whole thing. This actually happened yesterday and there's a lot more to what happened then you can fit in an FML so here's the full story. I work at a furniture store where one of our major sellers is the old, rustic, farm style furniture. I've recently became the first stage guy, cutting the wood, putting the frames together, that kind of thing. On the thicker boards there's always a little bit of excess on the end when you cut them down with a table saw and this particular sliver decided to get caught in the saw, catch under my finger nails, and launch back ripping two of them off. My bosses where really caring about the whole thing. In fact the store is owned by my best friends parents so they're like family to me. The guy who asked me why I stopped working was just giving me a hard time like he always does so I'm not mad in the slightest. He was just being a good ol hard ass dad and it was actually kind of funny.
Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me from a payphone because he lost his phone at the airport. When I texted his phone to get a response from someone who stole it [because it was still on whenever I called], I received a message back saying, "Love the pics. Send more ;]" FML
Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML
Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML
Today, nearing the start of what I was hoping to be a relaxing week off, my air conditioning system died. A replacement system will be in the $7000 range, just the amount I'd finally saved for my dream vacation. FML
Today, when my new boyfriend told me he liked playing games, he meant a 60" TV with a professional gaming chair in the middle of his living room, and 48-hour gaming marathons where he totally ignores me, refuses to sleep or shower, and only has energy drinks and cheerios. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML
Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML
Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML
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