Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML
Today, while walking through the fragrance area in a shopping center a women behind me asked; "Excuse me miss, would you like to sample our new fragrance line." I'm a 19 year old male. I turned around expecting her to correct herself. She didn't. FML
Today, after waiting for two weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML
Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML
Today, my airline lost my luggage when I flew back from France. They also lost my luggage when I flew to France. FML
Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML
Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile, and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML
Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML
Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML
Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML
Today, I found out our eight-year-old son lied about his former babysitter beating him. The babysitter's already thrashed us on social media for believing our son, and now no one in town is willing to babysit for us. Looks like date night is cancelled. FML
Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML
Today, I bought my mother an expensive TV she had been looking at. After I bought it, she continued browsing for more stuff. I told her I couldn't afford the extra items. She got mad and called me "selfish". FML
Today, I announced my engagement on social media. I got more people telling me how stupid I was than any actually congratulating me. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML
Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML
Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML
Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML
Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML
Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML
Today, I was told that the cutoff date for dropping out of one of my classes was last Friday. Which would have been fine if the school website had the right information when I checked it last Friday. They're ignoring my screenshots proving as such. FML
juniorleo tells us more.
OP here. I know that screenshots aren't very good evidence, but it was basically all I had (since the website had been updated since). I'm on a quarter system so there's not enough time to go with a lot of your ideas, though I appreciate you guys trying. Oh, and I did go to my parents. Not for help, since I did everything possible before I called them about it, but they didn't believe me either. （´・ω・｀） Shit just sucks sometimes.
Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML
Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML
Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML
Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML
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