Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML
Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML
Today, an old lady asked me the way to the shopping mall. The shopping mall was not too far away, but I could see that the lady could barely walk so I offered to drive her there. She smacked my car's door into a pole while getting in my car. She didn't even notice that she'd done something wrong. FML
Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML
Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML
Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML
Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML
Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML
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Top comments
HowieDoIt 21
This is eggxactly why I can't wait to be old, and get away with trolling the young.
mackdeezy 22
Now you see why she needed that appointment.
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Comments (90)
HowieDoIt 21
This is eggxactly why I can't wait to be old, and get away with trolling the young.
ajohnson7411 1
You've gotta be yoking me with the puns again.
HowieDoIt 21
I know, it's not too egg-citing, but I've put all my eggs in the pun basket. I can't seem to hatch too many other ideas and i'm too chicken to try other stuff.
ajohnson7411 1
You must've really scrambled your brains for those. Not exactly over easy to think of these puns.
HowieDoIt 21
No need to egg-xaggerate, my friend. It might be a challenge, but when egg-xecuted right, puns can make you crack up.
lambda_fml 40
The old lady is not setting a good eggsample.
jarrettd 27
This thread is amazing.
challan 19
I'm trying to come up with a reply for you yokes, but I'm hard boiled to find one. Beats me! O'm lette you guys take it from here.
HowieDoIt 21
Your sarcasm will not disguise your jealousy, you can join in, too! Don't be chicken ;)
lambda_fml 40
Some of these puns are eggcellent! They far eggceed my eggspectations.
jojimugo 20
This is eggxatly what I needed after a long day
sens3sfailing 25
hen you guys stop this eggbaressment of a pun thread?
Pleonasm 36
You really ****-ed that one up ^ 56 :p Just kidding, but the yokes on you since you want us to stop but you pun all the while. Anyway, after an eggs-cruciating amount of puns on this thread, it's about time to scramble, no?
MayaTheBee_fml 10
I've been kinda scrolling this thread to see Pleonasm reply to this.. And it happened! :))
RadeonDerp 24
No wonder there isn't more chicks on this site
ladylilly25 20
65 - I cracked up at that for some reason. No wonder, indeed...
muzy 23
I didn't eggs-pect that many puns. Truly eggs-tarordinary!
countryrose92 23
Nice guys... Nice. I appreciate your enthusiasm. :)
truesarrif 33
eggscuse me yolks but I think the puns should come to an end before someone gets their brain fried.
mvc3ftw 17
These are all Grade A egg puns
xmaximusx 12
Dementia Is a Harsh Reality
Charmillionaire 13
Too bad they can't remember that.
HowieDoIt 21
Is that the title of a movie or book?
cuddly_scorpion 4
I hope she made it to that doctor's appointment
zero4life123 7
I beat she had the trolololol song playing...
zero4life123 7
Bet*
daniel_dd31 13
I bet she has no idea what that is.
zero4life123 7
I'm pretty sure she does if she is throwing eggs out the window...
RpiesSPIES 27
Because internet memes are directly related to eggs, right?
zero4life123 7
Yup everyone know that. Wtf was I thinking must of been drunk or something when I posted that one...
boofgall 16
Try to catch the eggs and start juggling to amuse her!
Charmillionaire 13
I'm not sure that would be among the things you think of when a crazy lady is throwing eggs at you.
skittlestrailmix 14
I don't recommend this. It will probably frighten her and she'll just throw more eggs or something else.
ironichalibut 24
Like some kind of carnival folk! That might scare her though, carnival folk can be scary people. Fun people, but scary.
DutchBasterd 15
@51 maybe her frying pan and stove so she can make her scrambled eggs ?
jodakast 3
haha, then she'll call the cops for some crazy guy stealing her eggs! X-)
mackdeezy 22
Now you see why she needed that appointment.
chelsearenaeee 16
At least they were eggs and not something harder. Or her teeth.
lilhellian 27
Am I the only one that's reminded of the movie "Teeth" for some reason..
RedPillSucks 33
Well, presumably she only has one set of teeth. Eggs come in cartons of 6, 12, 18, or 24
chelsearenaeee 16
I didn't say it had to be several teeth
RedPillSucks 33
I'm saying that with teeth, she gets one chance to hit OP, where as with eggs, she may get twelve. Thirteen, if you count the carton.
chelsearenaeee 16
Ah okay, thanks I didn't get that at first
BinaryGuy 22
He he, are you sure that she had an early doctor's appointment? Probably just had too many eggs and wanted a little fun!
countryrose92 23
Best idea EVER for when I am old. Haha thanks. :)
kb021 18
No good deed goes unpunished.
Demonfish 14
What are you complaining for OP, you've got free eggs now, go make yourself an omelette!
nnnope 26
You should've told her you were selling chocolate, and if she rubbed it on her skin she'd live forever
99megster 15
I LOVE YOU.
HortonThelephant 15
I'm Chocolate with Nuts for that Spongebob reference
nnnope 26
26 - you love LoZ? then I love you too c;
Pleonasm 36
Did you say CHOCOLATE?! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!