Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML
Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML
Today, I was riding on my bike when I saw a homeless guy holding a sign saying, "Need money, stranded from Oklahoma." I decided to be nice, and hopped off my bike to give him $2. He took the money, and then jacked my bike. FML
Today, I saw a homeless woman and a young man wrapped in a blanket so I went to give them a fiver. Turns out the woman was just helping calm her autistic son by wrapping him up, and not homeless at all. She kicked me in the balls and took the money anyway while I was on the ground. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML
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Top comments
Emmamazing 26
That sucks, OP. You have the sympathy from both me and the old man looking over my shoulder at my phone.
booze_n_bitches 37
Maybe he was just dressed as a hipster but you couldn't see his iPhone...?
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Comments (49)
Sethan01 24
Be happy for her?
NoMapToBuy 14
I wouldn't be too pleased if my mum got with a guy who clearly looked and could be homeless. They need to contribute or it's freeloading.
Sethan01 24
#48 Don't judge a book by its cover.
Daevas 18
That's actually how I choose my books in fact...
Flyndaran 10
I agree that unemployed males are wastes of oxygen and don't deserve love .
MrNiceGuy569 18
And dicks like you don't deserve anything either
joshi42 16
Maybe he is an old hippie, and not homeless?
xx000o 27
Maybe there's a lot more going on that you don't have any conception of.
booze_n_bitches 37
Maybe he was just dressed as a hipster but you couldn't see his iPhone...?
Emmamazing 26
That sucks, OP. You have the sympathy from both me and the old man looking over my shoulder at my phone.
TheShreJ 2
Thats an FML in itself xD
valentinov 15
Lol! :))
Emmamazing 26
He looked away real quickly after he saw that
thejonac 21
at least you know your mom doesn't judge a book by its cover
Ray_of_midnight 23
There are plenty of wealthy people, typically "old money", who dress shabbily. They're saving money. They have nobody to impress with clothes; in fact, often, they're trying to avoid attention. And yeah, I've met some of these people and if you saw 'em on a park bench you might mistake 'em for a homeless person.
doyouevenpoptart 11
Is it wrong I'm laughing my ass off at this?
abNormal62 23
Be positive about this. Maybe he has adjoining card board boxes so you can all move into. Wouldn't it be nice to have your own room?
1dvs_bstd 41
lmfrao and don't forget the buffet from the trashcans.
abNormal62 23
Add in a park view from your bedroom and the rent for a place like this in NYC would be out of this world
buckstop1 37
This was in New Jersey...
zehtinyapple 17
#18, close enough, New York would be an upgrade anyway so there you go. It's a win-win situation.
codytallica 38
Well at least we know she isn't a material girl!
Skoff_fml 27
Are you certain he was homeless?
Katerchen 15
This isn't a bad thing. Money isn't important in a relationship. Maybe he is a nice guy.