Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time, I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said, "I think your tits are smaller." FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband of 6 years if he wanted to "put a baby in me." He shook the recent belly fat I gained and asked, "Is there room for a baby in there?" FML
Today, I was proudly telling my husband that I only gained 8 lbs throughout the pregnancy thus far. I usually obsess over my weight, so it was a great accomplishment for me. He then turned and pinched my arms, saying, "Well, looks like all the fat migrated to your arms." FML
Today, my husband has lost over a hundred pounds. I'm happy for him, but now he has an incredibly high sex drive and keeps asking for sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day. FML
Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML
Today, I learned that my husband is attracted to obese, unhealthy women after celebrating my weight loss of 175lbs and improving my overall health. FML
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Top comments
patacus 14
maybe he just has a headache
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, it's called surprise intercourse. Rape is what today's music does to my ears.
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Comments (49)
patacus 14
maybe he just has a headache
JiggaJayZ 16
Too bad sex is a proven headache reliever.
pokefan813 16
Or maybe he just wasn't in the mood. (please dont bring up the stereotype that men only want sex)
IAmJad 18
If he had a headache, he would've at least said "get me an Advil". He didn't say a word.
xmaximusx 12
Awesome reply my friend A+++
nado13579 12
44- If he did have a headache, he might have already taken some Advil before.
Meettitan 14
He could have whacked it beforehand. Don't judge.
Rosicles 8
Even if he wasn't in the mood, he could've commented atleast. It must be hard to get that confidence after having a baby pop out of you
LiterOfCola 16
OP just said it was a cute outfit. Her husband might not have even noticed a cute outfit as anything different than normal if she dresses "cutely" (lol) often.
Rosicles 8
Good point. I kinda took cute as meaning a sexy time outfit
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Not wanting to fool around is perfectly ok, but that does not mean he cannot at least notice and compliment her on the effort
Peachy2392 26
#44 he could have taken the advil before and if not, he can't get his own advil. He's a grown man, he doesn't need his wife getting it for him.
andiewithlove 21
Climb up on that and play the part!(;
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, it's called surprise intercourse. Rape is what today's music does to my ears.
Rommel1942 9
Totally agree with 13
JustPassin 4
He's probably just tired from a long days of work!!
DjeePee 25
But still... not saying a word? Not even a "Ow, honey, you look so cute/sexy/lovely"? If my husband (considering I had one) would go to sleep without saying anything at all, sexy outfit or not, I would immediately think he's mad at me. It's normal to be not always a sex-loving beast in bed, but ignoring your partner... Gosh, I hope my relationship never reaches that cold point.
Osito2011 9
Why do women think all men are mind readers? I know it is chivalrous for men to complement women. Honestly that's only in old English stories. If you want a complement or something, give legitimate hints, and not the mind reading hints.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
You shouldn't need to be a mind reader to know that it will hurt your spouses feelings to go to bed without even acknowledging her presence. And as for hinting at compliments: we want sincere compliments, not ones we had to fish for.
gc327072 31
Hey wait a minute, I pressed "no" on this one a few days ago! Just goes to show, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
downtime 13
Sounds like you've just recently had a baby...and you wonder why your husband isn't romantically charged? Hilarious, tell us another one!
khildebrand2294 9
Wow... He must've had a really rough day! R u ok?
1215116a 14
I think she's okay with not having sex for a day, she didn't injure herself.
gmc_blossom 21
I didn't have sex today. I feel sick.
absolutegrrr 7
Yh shs fne thnx 4 askin. Hw r u???!!?
absolutegrrr 7
Again, the need for a 'sarcasm font'. Sorry chaps, it's just my British sense of humour! Clearly a fail though, apologies.
gmc_blossom 21
Okay, 18. Here it is: "I'm an idiot." That is honestly what I read.
tidbits5197 28
16 - * Yeah *she's * fine Ahhhhh forget it, you're hopeless. xD
MelissaHope1986 8
I actually could see why you asked if she's okay. It would be a slap to the face especially with how hormonal and emotional you already are from having a baby. I know if it were me it would probably make me feel unwanted. Men supposedly always think of or want sex, so when turned down or ignored by your spouse even with out the factors of having a baby it would make a girl feel pretty bad. Sorry OP, I would just talk to him about it. Remember he has a whole life outside of the house his mind probably wasn't focussed or something. He could even be trying to not bother you for sex thinking you are exhausted with the baby. Sometimes it's hard to read people. Especially us women. It's like a blonde trying to figure out a rubix cube. Next time take charge. Get dressed up and tell him what you want to do. As well as what you want him to do to you. If he isn't in the mood he will be.
fmessiah 19
^More likely he has been turned down the last five million times he has made a move and doesn't even bother to try now and didn't realise what she was attempting to do. If she'd whispered in his ear to come up in five minutes she had a surprise for him it might have had a different ending. Either that or she had baby spew/poo in her hair.
SenselessPattern 12
Hey #21 never fear, I use my telepathic skills and saw your sarcasm. I threw a thumbs up into the pile for ya.
purplegal27 3
well sorry, congrats on the weight loss though !
Thizzkidsgotgame 7
I hear marriage often tends to have this effect on the bedroom.
BoratSagdiyev 2
If you told 18 year old me there would be times a woman was ready and willing and I'd turn her down I would have said bullshit. Then I got old :(
mangoqueen 8
Not marriage so much as babies!
person961 9
It was probably because you looked so stunning ;)
person961 9
Sorry, I read the FML wrong. I thought it had said that the husband passed out three times.
ItsThisGirl 17
maybe he's just used to not being able to
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Maybe he doesn't like skinny women.
agonydrum 7
That's not a real thing, he probably just didn't notice that she was trying to dress up for him
Osito2011 9
Op thought her husband was a mind reader!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I know plenty of guys who don't like skinny women.
Dracoboxer357 36
99- I'm one of them. (While I don't Hate skinny women, a woman with curves, hips and wobbly bits is much more to my tastes.) :)
Enslaved 38
Ummm sounds like a dad that's tired because he is also taking care of his child. Try getting him in the morning when he's rested. Who doesn't enjoy morning sex?
downtime 13
That last sentence of those comments where timing is everything. For instance, you can say this on FML, but it would be awfully awkward at a funeral.