Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me because I still close the door when I go to the bathroom. He pees and poops with the door wide open and expects me to do the same. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that it's "disgusting" to wash your "rear end" and that he has never, and will never, do it. FML
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why we never have sex anymore. He said, "Honestly, you lie there with your arms balled up against your chest, you don't moan or give any indication that you're enjoying things. It makes me really uncomfortable." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Well, he's right. Get a bigger house so the back and front doors aren't so close together. Or you could have sex in the dark, then he'll never know.
FYLDeep 26
I see his point. He probably doesn't want to have to look at your vag at all when he's going down on your asshole.
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Comments (107)
lovefreaxx 0
poor you ):
_krispy 0
(: you poor
mamamiaaa_fml 12
Well next time open your back door and front door at the same time while intercourse.
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I mean while *having intercourse of course.
boyguydudemalema 0
its so close it could also be named front door. it creeps me out
KaintukeeBob 13
Just remind him that the same is true of guys next time he wants a BJ.
alfredrog 0
she is missing some good stuff ... get a new bf who isn't afraid of assholes xD
KaintukeeBob 13
@150: a penis is located in roughly the same spot as a ******, and when a woman goes down on a man, her head (if she goes the full length) ends up in roughly the same location. Also, when a guy sits down, his sack tends to end up pretty close to his asshole, too. So there's a point I hadn't thought of before. And you missed my implied slight towards the alleged boyfriend: my comment was implying that his dick is small enough that ANY BJ would involve the whole length, no deep-throating required.
trigsix 0
I would go down on you in a heartbeat
pink_mess 0
omg lmao tht is halarious well some arent as lucky as others ;) haha
RedPillSucks 33
Well, he's right. Get a bigger house so the back and front doors aren't so close together. Or you could have sex in the dark, then he'll never know.
KiddNYC1O 22
lmao. huh?
starile 20
Until he eats shit..
skateRface 0
bahaha nice.
PhilTSG 1
Is that supposed to be a joke or are you just retarded?
kkns 2
no your retarded my friend ha
deadlyriot101 7
Da ****?
ImTheAlpha 30
You are really awesome. XD
Funkyinky 3
Awkward ...
lindsey37 0
Haha Sorry...
FrAnk0089 0
dang girl u fine!!
Radicalposture 2
Really? That's your charming approach?
bichtygurl 0
4- yu remind me of this chick I once knew we were friends until she became a sluty ass ***** who got her ass kicked
effyoubitch 5
lmfao!!
JamesMago 12
Agreed, he could have gone with "ieee mamacita!" multicultural douchebags are worth double points.
gnomycampbell 0
darn, wish i could click both because a) if your bf doesnt go down on you your life sucks b) you kinda deserve it for not talking about it sooner! this is the kinda stuff that should have come up in the first week of boning. but then c) your life sucks again because it seems like he doesnt even wanna consider it. but who knows. in any case. something must be done. but the most important thing no matter WHAT: hygiene.
DjeePee 25
(pssh, you CAN click on both) OP, think positive, chances are small that he ever wants to stick his penis in your butt. Or is that negative... anyways, your life sucks. Because he didn't give a valid reason, I would stop giving ******** reasoned by...his hair that creeps you out. Or something like that.
mfmylifesrsly 30
5, you can click both...fail This reminds me of how I was always self conscious about doing 69 cause I didn't like the fact of the back door being even closer to his face lol
Moemoemoe_fml 0
#5 Wow, you're obviously a virgin. Fyi, you might want to know that ALL women have the back door closer to the front than men do. The boyfriend is a moron who's not yet used to female anatomy. He doesn't realize that it's normal and that it's like that on all females, because he's too used to where HIS own backdoor is, much farther back. And you seem to be in the same bandwagon with him... If the placement of the female anus bothers the boyfriend so much, he should consider sex with a guy, then he'll have the anus right in the same spot as on himself! lol
schwancy 2
He is probably comparing her anatomy to other girls he's been with, not his own.
KiddNYC1O 22
Haley, you still with Colin?
mfmylifesrsly 30
Kidd we're taking a break :/ he wants to focus on school
ohSNAPyall 27
G.I. Joe!
KiddNYC1O 22
Oh, what a pupil! lol
tati3092 1
um ur retarded haha all girls back doors are closer tithe front than guys!!! guys and girls are not the same haha stupid and I think this girls bf should just suck it up and do it or he ain't getin any more bj"s haha lame
5t3ff1k4h 45
66/71 - PM please. No one wants to see your conversation about your personal lives.
FrenchToast94 0
#71 your really cute. :)
jwade1236 0
I don't think you call him a moron cause he doesn't know that stuff. it's a good thing so to speak
kofinater 3
lol# 42 31 posted fml's not one confirmed.
mfmylifesrsly 30
95 yeah!! theyre really good fmls too!! :(
shhhhhh10 0
you're*
tleaf 0
lol@ you doing the exact thing that pissed her off.
ulicksam 0
#47, a guy's anus is NOT farther back than a woman's. It's everything else that is in a different place. You fail. OP, your boyfriend's gay.
paintballmeme 0
Im 14 and I don't mind doing both :)
BonniBonni 0
That's a better answer than "It's a hot stinky jungle down there" imo.
_krispy 0
hahah rofl win :P
cloudy01 0
ew
califbob 3
your boyfriend needs to douche more often and grow a pair!
Moemoemoe_fml 0
The boyfriend is already douching often. What he told his girlfriend was clearly a douche comment. :D
travis1980___ 0
Need a guy who's not a complete bitch.
meowmeowwkitty 0
yeah. what the hell.
JRokka850 6
I agree..what a bitch... He better dive off in that
FYLDeep 26
I see his point. He probably doesn't want to have to look at your vag at all when he's going down on your asshole.
dt520 4
hoho!
manda_baby_rawr 4
I see what you did there
va_is4lovers 4
Bwhahahahahahah well said kind sir
Illblowyourmind 3
That would creep out anyone...
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Anyone who's a virgin and has no idea of female anatomy whatsoever, yes. You might want to look at some pics of naked people, if you are not aware that the anus is not placed on the exact same spot on men and women... The boyfriend is fail in anatomy, which is why he made that comment.
alexFYL 11
Actually the anus is pretty much in the same spot, but the male genitalia is placed on the front whereas female genitalia are down below. If you superimposed male junk on a woman, the penis would be approximately where the mons pubis is.
Illblowyourmind 3
I'm sorry maybe I misinterpreted the FML because the bf said it was too close. Now I get that he was just ignorant and the girl was normal. For some reason I assumed something was wrong with the OP. And no I don't want look at pictures of naked people, I think I get the idea. No need to pounce on people and call them ignorant virgins, btw what does sex have to do with knowing where the anus is located on a female body??? Next time please refrain from being a jerk
5t3ff1k4h 45
Sex leads to the visual experience of finding the anus.
RedPillSucks 33
With all due respect, Illblowyourmind, it allows you to avoid surprise butt sex. You don't want some guy randomly jabbing into the wrong hole because his knowledge of female anatomy was off. Unless, of course you are actually into anal.
factioncoalition 0
You say that like there are peeps not into anal...
Jaydos 0
I think illblowyourmind is a virgin cos shes scared of looking at naked people hahaha. and win to you ^^^
trigsix 0
damn you two are cute as hell