Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me because I still close the door when I go to the bathroom. He pees and poops with the door wide open and expects me to do the same. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that it's "disgusting" to wash your "rear end" and that he has never, and will never, do it. FML
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why we never have sex anymore. He said, "Honestly, you lie there with your arms balled up against your chest, you don't moan or give any indication that you're enjoying things. It makes me really uncomfortable." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Well, he's right. Get a bigger house so the back and front doors aren't so close together. Or you could have sex in the dark, then he'll never know.
FYLDeep 26
I see his point. He probably doesn't want to have to look at your vag at all when he's going down on your asshole.
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Comments (107)
sxldv8 0
tell him the same when he wants a bj
anonyn_fml 0
awe i feel so bad for you. guess you should say "you know i've never thought of it that way, your downstairs is right there too! freaked out :)"
angrynegro7 16
OP, your boyfriend needs to man-up and eat that ass. There's nothing wrong with a little salad tossing!
5t3ff1k4h 45
Oh, good. You're still going. Yes, I read it before I send it. Have you ever heard of sarcasm/exaggerations? I know you don't throw temper tantrums, at least I hope not. I don't know what you do behind your computer. Yes, I messaged you, because you decided to insult me for no apparent reason. Oh wait, it was because you disagreed with me. Last time I checked, mature adults don't name-call or insult when they disagree. I retaliate when people throw insults at me. Excuse me for standing up for myself? Is that what you expected to hear? I wanted to rightfully tell you off and give you advice on how to go about sending a message when you disagree with someone. It's your choice to heed the advice, but that doesn't leave the door open for insults, which is why I responded. I believe, without rereading the messages, that's part of what I was trying to tell you. I'm not acting like you're a "big mean nasty jerk" because I continued a discussion and told you off. I'm saying you're an ass because you insult almost everyone you talk to on here. It's gotten progressively worse as of late, as I'm sure you know. I would have ended it had you stopped replying, like you said you were going to. You also kept replying; don't put this all on me. It was free of anything negative, yes, until I didn't respond to a question which had a blatantly obvious answer. Then, you felt it was necessary to insult. Please go back and reread it yourself. Good riddance, unless you go back on your word again and respond. I did purely for the fact of the entertainment I got from this post.
melibear89 7
that sucks. I love it when my bf goes down on me.
5t3ff1k4h 45
So, apparently "bitch" and "idiot" aren't insults? When did that happen? I'm sorry. I was talking about ALL the messages, not just the first. And I'm pretty sure telling me I can't comprehend something when I clearly can (or even when I can't) is also an insult. Mine isn't unreadable either. Your point? More crap to respond to because you're nit-picking on more people. I understood everything you said, I simply didn't follow your misleading instructions, for lack of a better phrase. No, you asked me what I enjoyed about it, I believe. I replied that I enjoyed it because IT FELT GOOD. Simple concept. I will reference that for you if you like. Here it is: "so i must ask, what is your attraction to anal?" Why would anyone like a certain form of sex? Because it feels good. Therefore, it's an obvious answer... Why are YOU not understanding what I'm talking about? Seems the roles are opposite to what you're implying... Post 157 said that you weren't meaning anything insulting or sarcastic. While I realize that pertained to the first comment, there was no real need to insult me. I used sarcasm, yes, and I may have insulted once. You did far more.
5t3ff1k4h 45
Once again, I am referring to it all. You called me both of those in here and/or via PM. You knew damn well what my answer would be, yet still asked me to answer. Yes, you will get a smart ass remark for that. Quit playing the victim. What's wrong with oversimplifying it? You clearly understood what I meant and I didn't feel the need to let you know what specifically I liked. What's the point of that? What's it to you? There is no point... If you insist, the last one is the closest to my response. You answered your own question with your own research.
5t3ff1k4h 45
Why are you still going? You're clearly not understanding a few things. The first paragraph is part of the topic. Alright, put it this way. Why do you like sexual intercourse at all, assuming you do? Because it feels good. Most people would give that answer. What does that tell you? I have every right to be a "twat" if every response to date given towards me has had some form of snark or an asshole tone to it. If I've learned that every response I get will be like that, why would I assume you're genuinely asking a question? For one who seems to know all and has an answer for everything... So you admit you understood what I meant which makes your next paragraph valueless. It's as complete as I cared to share. Also, you looked it up because I didn't give a "complete answer", which is something you could have done right from the start. So, now you have your answer.
jsbgriffin 0
Haha :L
5t3ff1k4h 45
"No sarcasm or insults intended", yet you still did. I'm wary and cautious because -anything- sets you off. You may not have felt like it, but you still did it. I didn't even tell you to google it. That was your choice. You chose to give little value to my response which was every bit as valid as those you researched. Put two and two together for once. It does make four. I'm sure people are wondering why we're still going at it, yes. I'm also sure there are at least a few out there enjoying this. Strangely, I am. Have fun with that. Why am I questioning why you're still commenting? Because your responses are pretty stupid. You knew what I was talking about, your comebacks and refutes are poor... You poor thing. I bet you've never admitted you lost an argument.