Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I hadn’t showered yet, I told my boyfriend not to go down on me in case it smelled "down there." We started kissing instead, but he made a "blech" face, then went down on me anyway. Apparently my morning breath was worse than unwashed crotch. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML
Today, I tried to gently tell my boyfriend that he needs to wash his clothes more often as some of them smell pretty musty. He got all pissy (no pun intended) and assured me that none of his exes ever complained about a smell. I can’t even go down on the guy because his crotch smells bad. FML
Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML
Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML
Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML
Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML
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Top comments
THISISCITRUS 0
"But you are."
TheDrifter 24
Are you sure it wasn't the fully shaved look combined with the Dora the explorer panties?
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Comments (173)
tencalories 3
uhhh wow
THISISCITRUS 0
"But you are."
futtbuck101 1
I'll do it
banana_buddy 6
Make it a three way I'm in too.
PurpleRae420 0
Your boyfriends a pussy
jimboner69 6
no your bf is a penis because you are what you eat and hes not eating pussy
raven02 0
that's a legit excuse baby lotion u should of smelled like champagne......
TurnpikeTwister 0
I can certainly understand his sentiments...
TheDrifter 24
Champagne? That crap smells like rotten apples. She should have smelled like Henney.
Clevelandians 17
That's a pretty good excuse. I'm gonna try that one next time.
iAmScrubs 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
There is a new invention and it is called deodorant.
ihasbrains 10
DEODORANT FOR VAGS.
RedPillSucks 33
Baby oil doesn't smell bad and it's not only used for babies. I'm thinking most guys wouldn't know what it smelled like. I think your boyfriend may very well have gone down on a few well oiled underaged girls
TalkinSmack 6
u don't need deoderant ... it's called SOAP! wash ur junk once in a while and it won't stink... hello!
ihasbrains 10
Not soap, use Vagisil! South park reference, anyone?
Stumblebum30 5
she didnt say it stunk. she said it smelled like baby oil which could have been used AFTER she showered. hello!
sourgirl101 29
Yep, just take a shower together and offer to shampoo his hair....and while he's down on his knee! etc.... Two birds with one stone.(:
iAmScrubs 19
I failed on my comment. I'm sorry.
TempestRain 0
She said "baby lotion" not "baby oil". While baby oil doesn't have a distinct smell, baby lotion does. Anyone who has every held a baby can probably recall the smell of baby lotion. I can understand the problem for her bf. I would have a hard time being intimate if baby's kept popping in my head!
whiteboy7thst 2
^^yes the first step is admitting it
wikkedphuka 0
calm down now u no u cant post comments on fml till uv had ur vagisil lol #southpark
67gtojake 7
I scream u scream we all scream for ****** cream
FailBear920 19
I need some vagisil Jackie Chan
Phel 0
In that case, can I go down on you? If he is too chicken shit, then I will have too
enonymous 9
I agree there are dozens of us on the Internet willing to make up for this. it also helps that you smell like a young boy. You can check our profiles out on meganslaw
JEHughes 13
#80 is a solid win.
TalkinSmack 6
why did u put baby lotion on ur junk?
whiteboy7thst 2
valid argument
TalkinSmack 6
thanks :) lol
ReynshineCutting 10
I'm thinking she probably put it on her legs after shaving so it was in the general vicinity.
mandywaffles 0
Maybe she used baby soap? It says she smelled of baby lotion, not that she actually put it on.
fatalkiss 0
That's kinda cute, actually. And wouldn't you rather it be this, then you smelling of dead fish & him refusing?
Phel 0
Um... U should get that checked out
ihasbrains 10
That was a 'what if', smarty. Try again.
DjeePee 25
Cute? Since when and in which world is "I don't want to give my girlfriend pleasure because I am a wussy." cute? Point is, he is refusing whilst I dare to bet his penis doesn't smell like roses either.
alexFYL 11
An unwashed ****** not smell like dead fish (if your ****** has a fishy scent, you need to go to a gyno), it smells like sweat and sex. Which leads to stranger issues if your BF doesn't like the scent of sex...
juicedboi 7
Well if he is refusing from this, he must be cheating and this is an excuse!!! right girls!!!!!
TheDrifter 24
The smell of rancid sweat and vaginal fluid does indeed smell a lot like fish... walking past the doors to the women's locker room at the gym always makes me hungry.
fthku 13
Wussy, you say, Djeepee? Hmm. I rolled a magic 8-Ball and asked him what 90% of the comments to the following theoretical FML would be like. And can you argue with a magic 8-Ball? "Today, my girlfriend refused to go down on me, because she doesn't like the way my penis smells, for her own private reason. FML" "WOW U R A DOUCHEBAG IF DATS ALL U TINK ABOT" "WASH YOUR PENIS" "If she doesn't want to go down on you, it's her choice! respect her" "Clearly you have no sense of hygene, 'cause you are a man, and if she doesn't like the smell she has every right not to go down on you!" "Even if you don't agree with her reason, you have to respect it! blabla" I hate hypocrites. Especially when it comes to men-women, religion and Justin Bieber.
goober426 7
lmao!!!! ^ u do know how we think!
Niedermayer_20 12
He Definately needs a mental check!
DjeePee 25
@ fthk, I also think that women who don't want to go down on their boyfriend because 'it smells funny' are wussies. So no, I'm not an hypocrite. The big problem I have with this FML is that baby lotion actually smells nice. The fact that OP's boyfriend linked it with being a child molester simply sounds like a weak excuse to me.
fthku 13
The problem is, this is *subjective*, Djeepee. You seem very intolerant to what just doesn't happen to apply for you. Basically, you're saying "This does not bother me, so it shouldn't bother anyone else, and if it does heshe's a wussy". A very immature statement. By what right do you tell anyone what can bother him, and what can't? You admitted yourself on a certain something , regarding sex, in the past. Would it be my place to say that you don't really love your boyfriend? that you're just making excuses? Just because baby lotion wouldn't bother you, does not mean it doesn't bother other people. I know I wouldn't want to smell something that reminded me of my baby sister while having sex.
wannbaussiegurl 4
oh shit!
TheDrifter 24
Are you sure it wasn't the fully shaved look combined with the Dora the explorer panties?
imcutefml 0
u sir are a winner
cgchamp89 7
Sounds like an excuse to me...
horridromance 7
Agreed
sourgirl101 29
I've heard of "some" guys freaking out over a Brazilian wax because of that. (They at least want a landing stripe.) Your boyfriend takes it to a whole new level of WOW! WTF!!!
AliKarim 0
that's weird! Brazilian waxes are the only way to go. shows that the girl made effort and it's more of a turn on
sourgirl101 29
Oh, I said "some" not "most".(: You Sir, understand clearly one reason it's done!
RedPillSucks 33
A landing strip? More like training wheels.... "Where do I put this thing!!???" "Oh there's the convenient strip" I think I want my next girlfriend to shave "This way in" into her vag hairs....
sourgirl101 29
RPS, it's better than crop circles!
alexFYL 11
Why not just a downward pointing arrow? XD
ReynshineCutting 10
I'm trying to picture crop circles and it's just too funny. What the heck is with vajazzling? And why does anyone need to dye it bright colors? Seems like such a waste of money to me.
iReadFmlsFml 0
27, you just gave me a great idea....
rattusrattus 19
Vajazzling: a full brazilian, then they stick sparkly skin stickers on it. Personally I feel it looks disturbingly paedo, cause most of the people I know used sparkly skin stickers (not down there) when they were 10.
givants 0
it has been discovered that due to the uncleanliness of some salons, HPV has been know to be transferred by waxing, just so you know
OhbbyCx 6
I love you. XDDD
Skroal_stomper 5
hairless is the only way. I hate hair in my teeth.
hiyourcute 0
At least you now know that he's NOT a child molester right?
nerdface89 2
I don't know. A lot of times you'll find when people become overly defensive/sensitive about a topic it's because they're trying to suppress something they don't want to admit/others to suspect. Many outward homophobes are likely closet homosexuals