Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML
Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML
Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend and I moved into our first home together, signing a 1-year lease. Less than 12 hours later, we've discovered that the place is infested with cockroaches and we have a mouse. The landlord won't let us out of the contract. FML
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML
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Top comments
Lalala579121 28
Just think, that's not just any cockroach. That's YOUR cockroach.
GlennGuagmire 20
Divorce the cockroach and the house will be all yours.
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Comments (25)
Sandsh8rk 36
Aww come on, he only wanted to have a friendly conversation!
emeraldisle 30
Better than a spider imo.
Levvy 22
Nitpick time: Roaches aren't disease carriers (nor do many of them fly). About the worst they can do is transport mold around. Besides that, they're actually extremely clean. That said, I totally don't blame anyone for not wanting them crawling all over their house. (Another minor fact: Most of them don't actually breed explosively enough to "infest" a house. Buuut if you do see one in your house it probably is one of the types that do.)
meghanclean 17
Thats pretty normal when you just move into a home or apartment, set out some roach traps and buy roach spray and they'll be gone soon!
J352SAURUS 30
I own my own house. FML. Make the cockroach pay rent if you're that concerned.
species4872 20
Well now you've met the neighbors.
J352SAURUS 30
The neighbours have decided to move in! D:
sturschaedel 27
*the tenants.
Lalala579121 28
Just think, that's not just any cockroach. That's YOUR cockroach.
mt21mt 15
Part of being a homeowner, rather than a renter, is dealing with problems in your home all by yourself.
asterix12 3
Suck it, douche bag
Arashikage 18
Who pissed in your corn pops today?
GlennGuagmire 20
Divorce the cockroach and the house will be all yours.
RichardPencil 32
Is it a flying one? Those are a great feature of Texas!
RavenousRiley 2
Every cockroach is able to fly.
Levvy 22
Nnnno. Not all cockroach species even have wings. Among those that do, some don't fly as adults.