Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me because I still close the door when I go to the bathroom. He pees and poops with the door wide open and expects me to do the same. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that it's "disgusting" to wash your "rear end" and that he has never, and will never, do it. FML
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why we never have sex anymore. He said, "Honestly, you lie there with your arms balled up against your chest, you don't moan or give any indication that you're enjoying things. It makes me really uncomfortable." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Well, he's right. Get a bigger house so the back and front doors aren't so close together. Or you could have sex in the dark, then he'll never know.
FYLDeep 26
I see his point. He probably doesn't want to have to look at your vag at all when he's going down on your asshole.
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Comments (107)
5t3ff1k4h 45
Just because I point out a flaw in your argument doesn't mean I don't enjoy anal. I'm simply stating that while some, including me, do enjoy it, others do not.
oldenuff2party 3
oowwwwwwwwwww
Nadinek98 0
he didn't say Ur ugly :D
Cinn_fml 23
Well, he was honest, you've got to give him that. It does seem like a bit of a useless excuse, but we all have our own personal likes and dislikes. If it bothers you that much then you can try persuading him to try it, or you could be mean and deny him any head to see if that makes him more open to try it.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Persuade him to try gay sex then, because the anus is on the same spot in all girls, much closer to the front than on guys. The only way he'll find a back door farther back like he seems to want, is on a guy! :D
ScrabbleBabe2010 0
Like closer than normal or just the fact of how any girl's anatomy is? If it is just the way females are set up that weirds him out then he is either gay, or too immature to be allowed sex. Dump him. That is a dealbreaker.
5t3ff1k4h 45
He's clearly licking the wrong area then, if he's worried about it being so close to their ass. Boys, lesson 101 on oral sex: find the ********.
Bekll 31
I agree. Women can't help their anatomy. He is either young or immature. It would've been better to say "That's not my preference" than something along the lines of that female anatomy creeps him out.
5t3ff1k4h 45
might have** Also, don't make a stupid comment, and you won't get a shocking response.
WiFi_ght_Club 0
Sometimes you have to go in through the out door.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
All women have the anus far closer to the front than men do. The presence of, let's say, an 'extra orifice' might also further increase that impression. So there's nothing wrong with you, everybody is like that. Your boyfriend is a moron and a douche. And he won't get laid very often in his life.
jweezy89 4
Why does everyone assume the bf doesn't know that the anus is the same on most women? If anything it sounded like a desperate attempt to find any excuse to not go down. Now whether his excuse was believable or not...
f_alltheirlives 3
If the ass is the backdoor, doesnt that make your mouth the front door? maybe he just meant that you are too short..
5t3ff1k4h 45
The mouth is the attic window.
alexFYL 11
Last guy that said that to me was dumped so fast. Fantastic personality or not, bad sex is a deal breaker.
blacklily0103 0
you must be really shallow
RugbyLove 0
Valuing good sex--or at least a good effort--in a relationship is not shallow. In fact, it's more long term. If you want to be with this person for an extended period of time, you're going to have sex with them for an extended period of time. If you're not enjoying it, they will know, they will resent it, and the entire relationship will suffer. That being said, I'd be willing to work with someone who was rough around the edges. Someone who wasn't willing to reciprocate oral sex because they're troubled by normal anatomy? Of course that's a deal breaker. Unless you're asexual. In which case, enjoy your platonic long term relationships. I hope they're super-satisfying.
alexFYL 11
Shallow or not, I will admit I have pretty high standards, and those are for my own sake so I can be comfortable in the rest of my life and not pair up with someone I despise. Male suiters must be intelligent (at least matching mine)... among other things (you know, typical matching sense of humor, appreciation for health, like pets, et cetera, long walks on the beach) and part of that intelligence is: 1) knowing and understanding the male and female bodily and sexual functions and 2) being smart enough to know that going down on me or, heaven forbid, accidentally touching my anus won't signal the end of the world. In fact, finding a guy who loves going down on a girl and will respectfully stay away from your anus, but explore if you so request, should be treated like a treasure. Because, girls, there are a lot of selfish men out there. Skip them, look for the good ones. If I'm going to be hanging out with a guy for the rest of my life (or for any period of time, really), he can't suck in bed. Period.
alexFYL 11
@organisedchaos I wouldn't dump a douche because I wouldn't date a douche to begin with. So that is unnecessary. Standards, people! (Unless we are talking about FB's, and that is a whole other ballpark. You don't have to be good looking or nice to be a FB, just good in bed.)
RedPillSucks 33
@184 But if you met a decent guy who was everything you liked except for the part about great sex, wouldn't you give him a chance to improve? You'd be in a perfect position to teach/mold him into pleasing you the way you want to be pleased. Why throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak? btw, that's an adorable little kitten, no perverted jokes.
alexFYL 11
@organisedchaos I'm not 16, I expect more from men my age. @redpillsucks That's true... BUT usually men who say "girls smell funny down there" or "your anus is too close to your ******" are lacking maturity. In my experience there it's not worth it with guys like that, so don't even try.
blacklily0103 0
131- How good someone is in bed is not what a relationship is built on. It may be for you, but for mature people, there's a thing called compatibility and personality. Getting along and communicating well are what make a relationship last for the long haul. Eventually, if you ever get mature enough, you'll want that. No duh a relationship will suffer due to bad sex IF sex is the only thing that brought the couple together. alex - "standards, people?" really?? You tell people to have standards when the first thing you look for in a guy is how good they are in bed?? That should be the very last thing to worry or think about, if at all you care about who they are as a person rather than how THEY CAN SATISFY YOU! umm selfish much? And YOU were the one talking about skipping the selfish men. All you think about is yourself.
5t3ff1k4h 45
You talk about being mature, but you respond with "no duh". Something is wrong with this picture.
blacklily0103 0
oh hey! look who it is! dumb bitch! ya, STOP STALKING ME and STOP COMMENTING ON MY COMMENTS! I was not talking to you so GTFO. btw your lack of logic is beyond me.
5t3ff1k4h 45
Lack of logic? Look up the meaning of "logic" and "lack". Stalking? Look up the meaning of "stalking", too. Both your most recent posts further prove my point. Thank you.
blacklily0103 0
listen up, k? STOP REPLYING TO MY COMMENTS! I do not want to hear what you have to say. You are arguing with me merely for the sake of arguing and I'm not going to be a part of your little party. you have no reason for your posts. I said, "No duh a relationship will suffer due to bad sex IF sex is the only thing that brought the couple together." You say that "no duh" is immature. You don't have a valid argument and yes, you have a lack of logic if you think that you do. You are stalking me because you are following me and commenting on my posts that you're not even in! Stop trying to get in my business
Sirin_fml 47
If you want to complain about stalking or whatever else, please do so via private messaging, either to the person in question, or to a moderator. Thanks.
5t3ff1k4h 45
No, I'm not even arguing. I'm refuting your comments and consistently proving you wrong. I do have reason for my posts. Have you read the ones in the prior thread? Clearly not, since you're dumb as a brick and not understanding a damn thing. I have many valid arguments. You're not catching them... Have you read Cinn's comments? Maybe they will give you insight. If not, there's no hope. I think you need to look up "lack" and "logic" again. This time, read the definitions. I'm pretty sure you're telling me not to do what you did to my earlier comments. I was post #32, you were #72 in response to mine. I am not stalking you; rather if anyone's stalking anyone, you're stalking me. Though, I won't be so childish to accuse you of that. It's a public site.
5t3ff1k4h 45
Oversight/correction: I commented on your comment simply pointing something out. This is still not stalking. Sorry Sirin; conversation is (hopefully) over now. Just wanted to point out my oversight.