Wuss
Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me because I still close the door when I go to the bathroom. He pees and poops with the door wide open and expects me to do the same. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that it's "disgusting" to wash your "rear end" and that he has never, and will never, do it. FML
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why we never have sex anymore. He said, "Honestly, you lie there with your arms balled up against your chest, you don't moan or give any indication that you're enjoying things. It makes me really uncomfortable." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Well, he's right. Get a bigger house so the back and front doors aren't so close together. Or you could have sex in the dark, then he'll never know.
FYLDeep 26
I see his point. He probably doesn't want to have to look at your vag at all when he's going down on your asshole.
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Comments (107)
Kandring 0
Dump him.
xstaticdelta 6
indeed
TheCountess 4
If he's withholding for a reason as ridiculous as that, I think you're well within your rights to do the same.
perdix 31
Butt plug. That will take the back door out of action while he's polishing the front door. Unless, you blow a giant fart and shoot him in the throat!
Zmeilerr 22
That was an image I did NOT need to see.
BethiiGeex 0
LOL.
TheDrifter 24
It's all about who you're imagining in that mental image 24. Try not to picture Perdix's ass next time and it won't be as bad.
wwerulez14 6
Lmao. Perdix, you've done it again. Congrats.
DocBastard 40
Well I wasn't thinking about Perdix's ass before but...GAAAAAH!!
MooMofo 3
Best. Comment. Ever.
nerdsgetmehot 23
I just took my hands off of the keyboard to applaud you, Perdix.
hypnos_fml 0
good thing you didn't see an image then eh?
angrynegro7 16
Well played, sir.
Illblowyourmind 3
Tell him that you don't wanna go down on HIM because his dick is too short and it "creeps you out" :)
Moemoemoe_fml 0
^ THIS.
MarsDeeKiwiBird 0
Win!
iHateThisLife 10
awesome!
Onlydie 0
Maybe you should wash that dirty pussy of yours and he'll go down on you
JaquanKennedyFML 0
lol
RedPillSucks 33
No need. She uses "Orbits" gum
ThoraxeTheImpale_fml 0
lmao 104. I can picture the lips chewing and smacking it.and the anus blowing a bubble.
Tadeusz_fml 5
126, I voted your comment down for making me imagine that. That'll show you.
5t3ff1k4h 45
Not every woman LIKES to be taken through the back door.
Sparkiee93 3
Well then don't go down on him. Jeez. Simple as that.
sallen0046 4
This isn't really a life-******* situation. You asked a question and got an honest answer. That alone shows you've got a pretty decent relationship. If you think about it in terms of what your body does, it actually is pretty disgusting. There's urine, menstrual blood, all kinds of natural bacteria, and poop. There are very few people that would accept any of these things being anywhere near their mouth in a non-sexual situation.
5t3ff1k4h 45
There's all of the same things in a guy's genital area, save for the menstrual blood. Even then, the menstrual blood is only present once a month.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
#29 You and the boyfriend both fail at anatomy. And the disgusting one is you, if you don't realize that people clean up.
blacklily0103 0
umm people don't shower right before sex..... and he's right cuz it's nasty and disgusting
5t3ff1k4h 45
72 - Ever heard of shower sex? It's more common than you think. Some people do prefer to clean up right before sex, whether it be a quick wipe-down or a full shower. It's not disgusting provided it's clean... I have no experience with a woman, but I do with a man. I wouldn't want to go down on a guy who wasn't clean, would you? It's the same for guys. As long as the girl's clean, there's no issue.
blacklily0103 0
81 um duh. but do you honestly think that if you're at a party and some dude wants to hook up with you or vice versa that he's gonna be like "hold up! gotta go clean my dickk" ??
5t3ff1k4h 45
That's why he would have showered before the party, if he had any form of hygiene.
blacklily0103 0
is he gonna shower in between girls??
5t3ff1k4h 45
I would certainly hope he'd be protecting himself if he's screwing multiple girls in one night. So, he'd still be relatively clean with the use of a condom.
blacklily0103 0
okk..but say you're girl number 3. Would you wanna have sex with him knowing he's already done it 2 other chicks?
5t3ff1k4h 45
If he'd used a condom with each, what's the problem? Also, what are the chances he's going to tell you he's slept with two other women that night?
c0c0_fml 16
r u serious girls?!?! u r talking as if u have sex with random dudes. indeed this is far from being clean..
blacklily0103 0
127 THANK YOU!! I was trying to tell her it's not sanitary but somehow she thinks a dude's penis is going to be clean after he's done it with 2 chicas already. sheesh.
5t3ff1k4h 45
I didn't say it would be completely clean. Though, after sex, some guys do go to the bathroom to clean up. Hmmm... wouldn't that help? I think so. Most I've been with have that courtesy between... "rounds" with me. Sheesh, people just don't get it this week.
DjeePee 25
Blacklily, please, go back to school. If a 'dude' wears a non-used condom whilst having sex with a 'chica', his penis won't get dirty, because his penis DOESN'T have contact with the ******. If the same 'dude' is going to bang another 'chica' with a fresh condom, his penis still won't get dirty. Or are you afraid of an invisible drop of sperm? 'Sheesh'.
c0c0_fml 16
first, condoms don't protect perfectly. 2nd what I meant by dirty is tht people should be ashamed of themselves if they have sex with randoms.
5t3ff1k4h 45
Who are you to judge people based on who they have sex with?
c0c0_fml 16
to each his own I guesss!!! but that's my opinion u can't change it. sorry if u feel offended
5t3ff1k4h 45
I can't change it, but you can. ;)
c0c0_fml 16
I don't agree with this. it's meaningless to me. I just wished people had more respect for themselves nowadays. Its philosophy so I am not more right than u r. but I strongly believe that this world would be better if it wasn't always about sex.
blacklily0103 0
154 you are a complete dumbass. YOU are the one that needs to go back to school. 159 I asked her if she would have sex with "some dude" if he's already had sex with 2 other girls. she said, "If he'd used a condom with each, what's the problem?" That right there says she'll do it with random boys AND that she's desperate.
5t3ff1k4h 45
No, dear. Not desperate. I didn't see you asking whether I personally would do it; I may have misread. What I read was you asking whether I theoretically find a problem with it. No, I don't. That still doesn't mean I go out and **** random guys. I think OC's comment about a comprehension fail (above all these comments) belongs here. "Suppose you're girl #3" means "hypothetically speaking, what would you do if...", which doesn't imply in any way that I have done this before. For the record, I have not. Bottom line: You're not contracting anything from any of the other girls provided he uses a condom (though really, there's no way to know if he did use one with all the girls he slept with that night), and most guys - at least the one's I've been with - have the courtesy to go to the washroom and wipe themselves off if there's a giant mess. The guys I'm referring to were once boyfriends, most of whom were long term. The man I'm with now does the exact same thing - he goes to the washroom and cleans up between "rounds", or even after just one round. You're clearly not very smart if you can't even read a simple sentence.
5t3ff1k4h 45
Edit: The time ran out before I could erase where I said "I may have misread". I did go back up and reread to make sure I didn't misread.
blacklily0103 0
I don't know what's worse: the fact that you took all that time to write that or the fact that I read it. Nah, not even close. Def the fact that you took the time to write it. Honey, you have got to get yourself a life if all you do is write novels on fml. Mmk loosey, my comment meant, "if you were in that position, what would you do?" Simple at that. You said you would. Period. that's it. Stop trying to justify yourself with this hypothetically speaking crap. Personally, I don't care. Go screw all the random guys you want . Won't affect my life. knock yourself out. Fyi, haven't you ever heard the saying that says if you have sex with person, you're having sex with all the people that one person had sex with?? Haven't you heard of HPV?? It can fit through the weaves of a condom..... You can certainly contract an STD while using a condom. and good! good for your man to wipe your cum off his penis after you 2 bone.. I really don't care what he does with it nor do i give a shit about your personal life.
5t3ff1k4h 45
I need a life for typing for less than 5 minutes to give you that message, yet you typed a response (which was relatively the same length) as well as read it out? Who needs a life? It was around 1230am here. I'd just gotten home from a night away. You're an idiot... Loosey? First, that's not even a word. Second, you're trying to insult me using baby language. Good one! If I was in that position, I don't see anything wrong with doing just that. Where does it say I will or have done it? It doesn't. It says I don't see anything wrong with it provided he cleans up and stays safe. I'm not justifying myself; I'm telling you what you said and why I answered the way I did. Hey, idiot, I'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend, and don't screw random guys as I please. Like I said, I never have. You're the one who needs to go back to school, not DjeePee, so you can learn to read and write simple sentences. I'm simply repeating what I've said before and if you can't comprehend it now, you never will.
blacklily0103 0
ok bitch, loosey goosey is a nickname people use when talking to a girl that has sex so much that she has become loose (and since you like to buttfuck so much, you'll be loose in both holes. Next you'll be trying to get it in the pee hole). In this case, that would be you sweetheart. I'm surprised you didn't get that. BAby language? really? dumb bitch doesn't even know what she's talking about. While scrolling down, I noticed that you practically rewrote the Bible. With.EVery."COMEBACK." So, yes, YOU need a life. I did mention it, maybe you didn't quite get it. Figures. Pretty sure I didn't ask you to repeat what you "have said before" you hoe. Nor have I asked for you to reply. "You're the one who needs to go back to school, not DjeePee, so you can learn to read and write simple sentences...if you can't comprehend it now, you never will."
blacklily0103 0
^^ really? was that supposed to be an insult? Am I supposed to feel hurt right now? I read that and I laugh thinking you've got to be the most stupid girl.
Cinn_fml 23
Blacklily your post #226 is childish and incorrect. Well, ok, you started off well by defining the term 'loosey goosey' and then went so downhill. Steph has already said the anal thing isn't constant and more of an occasional thing (if you read her argument with Chaos), so you chose to change her words and say she does it all the time, I'm not going to mention the stupidity of the end of that sentence. You then tell her she is a 'loosey goosey' even though she's already stated she doesn't sleep around and therefore does not fit your definition. She responded to a hypothetical situation, which does not mean she's done it or will ever do it, but that she doesn't see the problem. Also, I think she only repeated what she said before because she didn't think you got the message first time around. Also, if you're going to make comments such as this, then I can see why she feels the need to reply, if not just to correct your misconceptions. Also, it doesn't take long to write a couple of paragraphs, which is not the length of the bible, so you might want to double check your figures there. :P You know what would be nice, if you could argue in a polite manner rather than having to start name-calling. I mean, this started off with a discussion of a hypothetical scenario, it doesn't mean anyone's right or wrong, they're just stating their opinion, and I can't help but thing they should know how to do that in a mature manner.
5t3ff1k4h 45
"Mmk loosey..." You didn't say "loosey goosey"; you said "loosey", as I've demonstrated through copying where you said it. Once again, as I said to organisedchaos, I do not have anal sex often. As I said to you many times, I don't **** constantly, and I am not loose. Therefore, no, I won't be loose in both holes. I'm not stupid; I won't be trying to "get it in the pee hole". Dumb bitch? You make me laugh. I may be a bitch sometimes, but I'm certainly not dumb/stupid. Rewrote the Bible? Funny. Your comments are just as long as mine. Now, if your comments were only a few lines in comparison, then maybe I'd be a tad long-winded and I can see why you'd complain. You have no value to any of your arguments, and all you keep doing is calling me names. Oh, good. How about backing up your points? Hint: it works better. I didn't ask you to repeat what you said either, but your name-calling continues. I don't care what you'd asked; you're obviously not able to comprehend so maybe I should start "dumbing it down" for you. Thank you, Cinn, for seeing the logic in this. You're right, I am responding not only because of what she's saying, but also to correct her misconceptions that she apparently refuses to get rid of. I really hope that in reading our posts, she finally understands.
blacklily0103 0
229 the last sentence was what she said.. i know, i know. stupid. having an argument with her is like arguing with a rock... there's nothing there.. (i don't mean to offend you, 5) ya obviously i didn't put goosey after loosey because I THOUGHT you would get it.. but i was wrong. i had to dumb it down for you to get it. aannddd you had nothing worth replying to, as usual.
5t3ff1k4h 45
Yes, it is stupid to have an argument with me especially when you're clearly losing the argument. You aren't reading what I'm typing and are resorting to mere insults because you're feeling attacked, or feeling that you've lost. It's one of the two. I did get it. You missed my point, again. You just told me that your comment wasn't worth replying to, meaning it's full of crap and you were just running your mouth. Glad you've finally admitted that.
Cinn_fml 23
@Blacklily - I don't see the that's what she said joke about maturity, but I'll go with it. Also, personally I've never heard the term 'loosey goosey' before, so I didn't get it from 'loosey' either. So I don't see how you're dumbing it down to make it clear what you actually meant, I mean, different places have different slang terms, don't expect people to know them all. Also, when you said Steph didn't have anything worth replying to, does that mean she cleared up the misunderstanding or does that mean that you just couldn't be bothered to read it? I mean, you've been saying all this stuff about her, and she's just given you evidence to the contrary, in a nice way, and you don't even seem to want to recognise that it's there. Steph - You post-jumped! :P You also have very valid points.
blacklily0103 0
I mean she didn't have anything worth replying to--no value. Rambling on and on. And since she has nothing to say, I am not going to waste any more of the time I already have wasted on replying to her idiotic replies. bye guys.
5t3ff1k4h 45
Glad you're gone. My intelligent replies (meaning, they were of worth...) weren't going to sink in to your brain, anyway. Once again, thank you, Cinn.
Cinn_fml 23
It's all right, I'm just slightly confused as to where she's getting her information (ie that she thinks her names are appropriate for your conduct) and her unwillingness to admit that she might have misjudged when the true facts are laid out in a clear format...
Awesomeaxel 24
is it just me or is this blacklily person really retarded
unatuna 5
Doesn't sound like he'd know what he was doing down there anyway if his grasp of female anatomy is so sketchy...
NoahSpencer33 0
Its not sketchy. he's right on actually? Someones never gotten enough.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
It also doesn't sounds like the boyfriend will be getting much sexual activity until he grows up and realizes all women are that way... Guys have the back door farther back.